And the loser of the month for May 2006 is...

Commander Hawkins!

Commander Uptight reporting in for duty, sir!

This month the dishonorable title of loser goes to Commander Hawkins, the head honcho of the Explorer that carries around the other annoying Voltron (one that we here on Doom don’t have to deal with that much, thank the evil gods!).

Hawkins is a loser for plenty of reasons.  First of all, he’s a Galaxy Alliance officer, and you can’t even get to be a high honcho in the GA without being an arrogant prick with your head up your ass that thinks you know how to run the politics of everyone else in the universe better than empires that existed for hundreds of years before yours.

 

Secondly, this guy and his Explorer are the interplanetary space taxi of a Voltron force.  I haven’t dealt with that Voltron much, but a Voltron is a Voltron and they all suck, so anyone who aids and abets them in sucking their way into Drule Empire business is a loser in my book.

 

Then there’s the fact that for a commander, this guy has the loosest control over his subordinates that I’ve ever seen.  He’s supposed to be in charge, but that kid Jeff defies his orders right and left and keeps getting away with it.  Oh sure, he gets huffy, but his idea of punishing his soldiers is straight out of the Hazar school of discipline.

*adopts prissy voice and waves finger*

"That wasn’t nice, don’t do that again, or I might get really mad and force-feed you vegesauce!"

(Then again, if that crap is half as bad as it’s rumored to be, that might be torture.  I wonder if that defies some sort of nice-guy GA no-torturing law somewhere?)

 For crying out loud, that dumbass Jeff let their Voltron BS his own ship, and he didn’t even so much as toss him in the brig?  What kind of “commander” lets some hotheaded loudmouth kid that thinks he’s hot shit run all over the place, and do boneheaded things for idiotic personal reasons?  That’d never happen here on Doom…

Hey!  What's are you laughing about, Loser?

Anyway, as I was saying, to sum it up, Hawkins sucks.

Want to see the past Losers of the Month?  Visit the Loser Archives!

This section was inspired by a friend from the Thundercats fandom and her memorable Loser of the Week feature on her now-defunct website.  If you have any nominees for a future Loser of the Month, by all means send them to me!

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