And the loser of the month for July 2005 is...

Queen Merla!

This month the honorary title of Loser of the Month goes to the prissy and pretentious Merla, Queen of Darkness. 

I can list a whole bunch of reasons why I can't stand Queenie and why she's the perfect loser, starting with the fact that she's a snooty bitch that put me in a Cosmotron, tortured, and humiliated me.

Did I take that too personally?  Yeah, probably, but if someone put you in a torture machine just to kiss up to your king, you'd hold a grudge too.

But the Cosmotron incident isn't the only reason I think Merla's a loser.  There's also the fact that she's way too high on herself for someone who carries a butt-ugly bird on her shoulder all day that fights her battles for her because she doesn't want to break a nail.

Queenie is real hung up on her image (read: vain) and thinks she's the hottest shit to set foot on Doom.  I'll admit she's not bad looking, but she's not all that.  Rumor has it those metal boobs are well padded, and that the pink curtains don't match the carpet if you get my drift.

Furthermore, for someone who's so "evil and chic" she sure has ugly taste in ships.  The Star-Cutter's not bad, except that it looks like a girlyman robeast gone wrong, but that gods-awful Pegasus ship?  Zarkon probably would have shot that ugly ass thing out of the sky even if she hadn't turned on him.

Speaking of that, the fact that she's a traitorous wench and a slut also makes her prime loser material.  First she shows up on Doom and kisses Zarkon's ass, gives him massages and probably some more behind closed doors...

Only to turn around and marry Prince Lotor, supposedly dump him, hit on Zarkon some more, and then betray him again so she could go hook up with Prince Lotor again.

Then when Lotor made it clear he was only interested in her for a pink-haired piece of ass, she got huffy and turned on him just like she did with Zarkon.

Rumor has it that after she dumped Lotor, she renounced her "evil" ways and turned good.  To this I say a loud and clear "Bullshit!"  The day Merla changes her spots is the day she'll manicure her own nails.  But until then, I'm happy enough that the pink-haired bitch stays off my planet.

Want to see the past Losers of the Month?  Visit the Loser Archives!

This section was inspired by a friend from the Thundercats fandom and her memorable Loser of the Week feature on her now-defunct website.  If you have any nominees for a future Loser of the Month, by all means send them to me!

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