Hmm, a new inquiry from someone looking for advice from the most brilliant witch in the galaxy!

Dear Haggie,
 
I'm the type of Queen who's powerful, stunning, well-mannered, & glorified.  So far, everyone, especially the great King Zarkon has treated & honored me with dignity.  It makes me feel priviledged for a King as great as Zarkon to put me up on his high throne.  While I'm greatly respected here by most on Doom, old witch, I would like to know why certain people don't give me the respect I deserve as a Queen.
 
One, there's that toad face, Commander, Cossack The Terrible who repeatedly mocks & undermines me.  He was the one who volunteered to try out the cosmotron.  Not to say that u'v been there to mock me with him, but most of the time, u'v had initiative to assist me when needed.  U & I make a great team.   
 
Second, there's that arrogant jerk of a Prince who was so dimwitted that there was no way he could've been son of the great King Zarkon.  Are u sure the nurses didn't give him the wrong baby?  When I first came to Doom, he acted so full of himself that he had the nerve to ask me to bow.  I've also came so close to bringing Zarkon a victory.  Missions would've never failed if Lotor hadn't come along to save his precious Princess.  When will Lotor realize that his future is with me & not some simple-minded puny Princess from an enemy planet that kisses mice.  He's the best way to explain why I turned good for a minute, only for him to find out he couldn't cut it at being 'good'.  But he was doing so well at that for a minute.   U just have to tell me, why he's so arrogant & into a woman who's not his type?  I have yet to figure out why Lotor is the way he is.
 
Yours Truly,
 
Queen Of Darkness

Dear Queen of Darkness,

No, Prince Lotor is assuredly King Zarkon's son.  He's had the DNA tested enough times that there can be no mistake.  His problem is simply that he's always been most interested in what he can't have, because being told "no" is a novelty to him.  That silly mouse-smooching princess may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but she does play the hard-to-get game like an expert (whether she actually wants to be gotten is not the point!), and we both know how sore a loser Lotor can be.  Consider this, my dear queen: why would a respectable, evil, and chic ruler such as you consider yourself to be waste your time on a man who doesn't recognize your talents?  Perhaps a desire to pursue the un-achievable is something you and your little pet prince have in common.

As for others such as Cossack failing to give proper respect, it could simply be his inherent lack of manners that comes from being born in a toad pond and nothing personal.  Okay, he probably does take the Cosmotron personally, but like you said, the fool asked for it, so just chalk it up to his A.D.D. (Absolute Dumbass Disorder) and forget about it. 

Sincerely,

Haggar, Insightful Witch of Doom Extraordinaire

Have a burning question you'd like to ask Doom's witch? 
Well, I don't give out my email address, but cossack@cheezey.org will be happy to deliver the message.

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