What's this, kitty? Another lost soul with a pressing matter?
Dear Haggie,
I have an embarrassing problem. No one can remember my name. It started when I was a child. My mother would always call me by one of my brothers' names. I thought that was just her, until I grew up and joined the fleet and my commanding officers could never remember my name either. I served under Commander Yurak for 10 years and he never addressed me as anything but "hey you". I mentored Prince Lotor at the academy, and while he always said he appreciated the time I took to teach him his galaxy-renowned fighting skills, and even appointed me to a prestigious position years later, he still calls me by the wrong name. I even asked the robots to sew a name tag onto my uniform, and they misspelled it. Even worse, when fate turned against me and I met an unfortunate end, I found out that my family buried me in an unmarked grave! I'm humiliated and hurt, and I want to know what to do to make sure that I'm remembered for my glorious and valuable contributions to Doom's mighty war machine.
Do you have any suggestions on how to get some posthumous respect?
Yours truly,
Gone and Forgotten
Morgil, is that you?
Hah! Who knew that you'd say more from the astral than you did in the couple of years that you served as Lotor's commander! How are things over on the other side?
Anyway, as to your little problem, try not to sweat it. (Though if I remember correctly, in your case that might be difficult.) Some men carve their names into the pages of history, and others are destined to remain a little more "behind the scenes". I can think of a few individuals who will certainly never forget you. Why, your old friend Carp sent you a card this past holiday, not realizing you were no longer with us. Of course, we don't have it any more as junk mail routinely gets left for the robots to get rid of, but I'm sure he wished you only the best with that lovely picture of a red robeast flashing its middle finger.
As for your family, may I suggest haunting them to jog their memory?
Your old pal,
Haggar
P.S. - If you happen to see Yurak over there on the astral, tell him I said he's still an idiot.
Have a burning question you'd like to ask Doom's witch?
Well, I don't give out my email address, but
cossack@cheezey.org will be happy to
deliver the message.