My crystal tells me that another soul has come seeking advice.
Dear Haggie,
I'm a powerful king and conqueror of a respectable evil empire, but despite the fact that I have the full resources of an immense robot army, countless slaves, and many a powerful robeast and battleship, I can't get my underlings to take over one simple backwater planet. To start with, my only son and heir is a bum that can't even conquer a world defended by a bunch of teenagers and a robot with a magic sword. It's not just him either; I've gone through three commanders, a queen that goes good at the first hint of a sob story, and a witch that only seems to listen to me when she thinks I'll date her, which believe me, isn't happening anytime this millennium. Got any suggestions on how I might take care of this problem?
Sincerely,
Good Help is Hard to Find
My Dear Good Help,
It seems to me that if you spent as much thought and energy on how to solve your problems instead of who to blame them on, you might have a little more success with your upstart teenager and robot problem. Cut the heir off at the bar, beat some sense into your commander of the moment, fire the wimpy queen, and take the witch out to dinner. She might surprise you with what she can do for you... we witches have many secrets you know! And I'll give you an added bit of free advice for your witchy woman, you'd be wise to not insult someone that has the power to induce magical jock itch.
Yours in evildoing,
A Witch of Many Talents
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