Status Quo
Chapter Eight: Practical Jokes
by Kyence
Disclaimer: All Voltron characters are property of World Events Productions.
‘’ denotes character thoughts.
'I need some food.' That was the first thing to enter Coba's mind that day. He yawned, showcasing his sharp fangs to no one in particular but felt they were too attractive not to show. He stretched himself out on the shoddy floor, his paws being poked by something of poor quality. He raised his behind into the air, tensing his tail to the tip. He scrunched his eyes, and twitched his whiskers. His body shook as he gave his muscles a good flexing. Then, he easily downgraded the exercise to the pompous walk of a cat.
"BWAHHHH!!!" Cossack yelled behind Coba. He chuckled loudly as every strand of fur on the feline's body stood upright while he lunged straight into the air. A terrified cat howl pervaded the room and passed throughout the cabin, into Hagar's room.
"AH HAHA HAAAA!! Got ya!" Cossack clapped, apparently happy with his chicanery being successful.
A green laser beam shot from the witch's room and hit him between the eyes. He fell down without a sound, stunned from the magical attack. Coba traced the source of the laser beam, and followed it into his master's room. He saw her standing up on top of her bed, her left hand holding her staff.
"Mrrrooowww?" Coba asked. Hagar, able to interpret her familiar's language, heard 'Thanks for hitting him. Can you turn him into a blue mouse so I can eat him? I'm hungry.'
"Psspsspss," she sounded out as she lowered herself and opened her arms. Coba jumped into the embrace adeptly. He cast a condescending glance in the direction of the grounded Cossack and hissed.
"Yes yes, my dear kitty, Cossack is annoying," she said in a playful voice.
'Can I eat him then?' he continued, spoken as "Mearrr?"
"Uggh, I would never let you eat such a disgusting thing…all that fat and cholesterol…plus that level of stupidity might be contagious…"she argued.
'Forbid I should eat anything fatty,' he thought grumpily. He squirmed out of her arms and leaped to the floor. His feet met the ground with the lithe skill only cats possess. He raised his hindquarters slightly to show what he thought of her excuses.
"Don't you stick your butt up at me," she warned him.
'I know you love me too much to hurt me,' he thought. He walked slowly out of her room with deliberate strides that crossed each other.
He knew where he was headed next. He walked up to Cossack and sat beside his head. The soldier's eyes were closed.
"Mrrow?" Coba noised to arouse him. He leaned over to see if it was working.
'Oh, playing dead, huh? I guess you won't mind this, then.' Coba plotted.
He stepped onto Cossack's chest, and began to groom himself. He licked his forearms and cleaned behind his ears. He licked them again so he could clean his face with them. Satisfied with the front of his body, he resorted to only using his tongue to clean his back and tail.
"Errrr…." He heard Cossack moan.
'Ah, now I exact my revenge,' Coba purred.
"AGG! ACCK! BWARCK!" Coba's stomach twitched and churned. His mouth gagged before it hacked out a hairball onto Cossack's torso.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Cossack complained. "Gross!"
He propped himself up to face Coba, who he was sure was grinning evilly.
The cat, promptly satisfied with outpranking him, turned around, showing his buttocks to his enemy, smacking him in the head with his tail. He then took off into a run, howling victoriously as he ventured outdoors.
'I haveta eat; what could be more important to everyone than making sure I'm fed?' he thought. He slowed his gait to a stroll, feeling the light breeze push against his whiskers. It tickled, and he wrinkled his nose. His right ear turned as it picked up some male types having a conversation of sorts. 'It sounds like the Dhmk apprentice who's been hanging around my witch lately,' he surmised. He decided to head in the direction of the sounds, hoping that he would finally get some grub.
He saw Karna speaking to another Dhmk in the yard beside the shack. It was probably a personal matter, but his needs had to supercede anything plaguing them. Thus, with no extraneous tact, he started in a sprint, and then leaped onto Karna without warning.
"Whoooa!" Karna cried out in surprise. He caught Coba in his arms and positioned him comfortably in them. He scratched behind Coba's ears, who closed his eyes in ecstasy.
"Very affectionate creature," the accompanying Dhmk observed. He resembled those from the Western region, with skin and carapace of burnt sienna. He approached Coba, his hand out to caress his head, but the resulting glare of warning from the feline stayed his arm. "Temperamental, too, "he added with disdain.
"Mrrow meow waaaahhhhhhrrrr," Coba announced to them.
Karna clicked his tongue. Since he had been training with Hagar, he had learned the language of the familiars, and could communicate with them as she could. He had yet to choose his own personal assistant, but it did not prevent him from understanding the space cat. "You are really hungry, huh? Poor little fellow," Karna crooned.
Coba purred contently, knowing he was going to eat any minute now.
"Do you have anything on you I can feed him?" Karna asked his friend.
"Of course," he replied, pulling out a nutrient bar. He handed it to him. "It's soft, so your cat there will be able to chew it without much trouble."
"A thousand thanks," Karna bowed his head slightly to show his appreciation. He unwrapped the bar with his fingers deftly, even with the load of a 12-pound feline in his arms. Coba smelled the scent immediately, and rose up to turn to the bar's direction.
'Mmmm, smells like a meat paste,' Coba thought, the saliva lubricating his tongue. He lightly stepped onto Karna's forearms, and walked with lithe skill across them. He bit the top part of the bar off before Karna could break it into smaller pieces for him.
"You are one famished little critter," Karna chuckled. He lowered his frame and placed the familiar onto the earth, not forgetting to leave the bar beside Coba.
"Now then, where were we?" The Dhmk resumed his conversation with the sorcerer-in-training.
Karna raised himself up. His full height had him half a head taller, so his eyes looked down, though without being patronizing. His eyes bore a kindness that was rare for his family. He regarded his companion with reverence and respect, for this stranger had provided his two brothers weapons and an opportunity to save their planet.
"I was wondering how my brothers were faring?" He asked softly. His voice was full of concern and worry.
The dark orange Dhmk bore a peculiar expression. "The last time I contacted them, they were in the hotel with the captive, awaiting the Voltron Force to come to the rescue."
"The Voltron Force?!" Karna yelled in shock. "You sent them to their deaths, Reyk!" His fists quivered at his sides, his body shaking from remorse. "If I had known that was who they'd be facing, I would have disobeyed Hagar and gone with them!" He fought back tears. The idea of being without his brothers until the day he perished was unbearable.
"Your brothers will not die, for they are not to outright kill them. Yudishthira knows this. Besides, your brothers have a great deal of skill. You should have more faith in them," Reyk reasoned.
Karna's body stopped shaking. "But, this is the Voltron Force we are talking about. The same group that led us all to this point. How can I not fear for them?" he demanded desperately. He looked at Reyk, a plead in his yellow eyes. "Please, use your vision to tell me how they are now. Have they been intercepted by the Voltron Force yet?"
Reyk pouted. "How do you know I can do that?"
"Well, I AM training to wield the most powerful arcane arts; I can see your aura."
"Is that so?" Reyk folded his arms, his pose and attitude defensive.
Karna ran his hand through his white locks. He closed his eyes as he gave a reassuring grin. His fangs poked out innocuously from the corners. "Don't worry, Reyk. Your secret is safe with me. You are a generous, kind being. I have no reason to betray you. I am just asking for your help." He opened his eyes again, fabricating a look much like an innocent puppy. "Please?"
Reyk's usual warmth returned. "To alleviate your fears, I guess it should not be a problem."
Reyk's eyes glowed a yellow hue. A haze emanated from the orbs, disappearing into his aura. He was silent, his body completely still. He seemed frozen in the fabric of time as his spirit wandered through its new weavings.
Karna observed this with a quiet admiration. Even Coba, who had just finished the bar, sat up straight to witness this rare sensation of energy.
'Wow, that's something new,' he meowed in a tiny vocalism.
Reyk's trance faded, and he opened his eyes.
Karna looked hopeful. "How are they?" he asked eagerly. "Are they okay?"
Reyk sighed deeply. "Well, they are having one nasty scare now, but Yudishthira's handling it. They will be fine."
"Will be fine?!" Karna repeated the news. "What do you mean?! Are they in trouble?"
"Falling down a building could be considered trouble," Reyk admitted. As he saw Karna's resulting look of complete terror, he added quickly, "But Yudishthira has a levitating talisman Hagar gave him. He was just invoking its power and beginning to float, with Arjuna in tow."
Karna frowned. "Couldn't you have said it all in one shot, instead of sending my hearts into a frenzy?!" he shouted.
"So you're relieved?" Reyk asked apologetically.
"If Hagar gave them some magic, then they will be back here eventually. You should work on your social skills when it comes to delivering news like that, y'know," Karna criticized.
Reyk swallowed the comment. "Yeah, I don't get out much; sometimes, I should use my vision to figure out the best way to speak."
Karna smiled weakly. "I did ask for it, though. I am thankful that I know they are going to be fine."
Reyk understood that statement indicated there were no hard feelings between them.
"Now then, should we break up the altercation between Hagar and Cossack that is going on as we speak?" Reyk proposed as the arguing of the two traveled through the air.
Karna giggled. "I think I'll stay out here with Coba."
"Very well. If you need me, I'll be mediating." Reyk entered the cabin after taking a deep breath.
Karna kneeled beside Coba, stroking him in a single line from his head to the tip of his tail. Coba arched in response to the comfortable touch. He purred in approval as he rubbed the side of his face on Karna's arm.
Karna laughed. "So, you think they'll be back here soon, too, right Coba?" he questioned the pampered cat.
Coba mewed, interpreted by Karna as, "Trust me, he said they would survive, so they will survive. You have nothing to fear."
"I hope you are right, Coba," he muttered. "I hope you are right."
"COSSACK! You blubbering pile of waste!" the cranky old voice of Hagar cursed.
"Hey! You shot me in the head…if anybody has the right to insult, it's yours truly," Cossack's grainy retort whined. Coba's left ear twitched, and he hissed in the direction of the arguing. Karna shook his head, stifling his giggles as best he could.
"Now pet me some more," Coba meowed. Karna obeyed joyfully, as the comical exchange between his caretakers lifted his spirits.
* * *
"Easy now…" Reyk stepped in between the bickering witch and soldier. As soon as he did so, he regretted it as a whip and a staff simultaneously struck him in the lower gut. He fell down, moaning and clutching himself.
"Now why'd you go and do THAT for?!" Cossack scolded him. As he heard the painful cries continue, he added, "Hey, why are you acting like you kicked in the…oh," he stopped as he realized that Reyk had indeed been inflicted a painful couple of hits in the most prized area of all reproducing males in the Universe. He hissed inwardly as he empathized.
Hagar was less sympathetic. "Reyk, couldn't you have seen that one coming?" she snarled.
He returned her question with a glare. He was breathing heavily. "Next time, I'll just uppercut you two, how's that?" His voice was at least an octave higher from the trauma.
"I'm told I'm thick-headed all the time, so it won't hurt me one bit," Cossack accepted the offer. His stance suggested that he had been given a prestigious compliment. Hagar shook her head at his blatant idiocy. "As for Hagar, though, I don't know if her brittle old bones could handle it," Cossack added with feigned worry.
"I am going to turn you into a SEWER SLUG!!" Hagar screamed as she pointed her staff at Cossack. He waved his arms. "Whoa!!! Easy there, don't get your tattered rags all in a bunch!" Reyk crawled out of the way, and pulled himself up.
"That's it, you two! TIME OUT!" Reyk proclaimed as he thrust his palms out. The belligerent Hagar and sarcastic Cossack were frozen in position. They did not blink nor breathe. Hagar was pointing her staff at a cringing Cossack who looked like he was about to cry out that he did not want to become a sewer slug.
"Phew! That's better," Reyk decided as the throbbing in his groin area ebbed away. He walked over to them. "Now, how shall I end this pointless argument? " he wondered aloud. He moved the lips of Cossack with his fingers. "I'm sorry, Hagar, for scaring Coba and insulting you," he tried to throw his voice. He utterly failed at it, as his mouth moved to speak. He then pulled on Hagar's lips. "I accept your apology, Cossack." Satisfied he had diffused the anger with a touch of humor in the literal sense, Reyk clapped his hands. Cossack and Hagar resumed breathing again, but turned their focus towards him.
Reyk used his time-sight to see that Cossack and Hagar were about to pound the virility out of him. In a display of self-preservation, Reyk clapped his hands again to freeze them as they pounced. "I was going to ask if you two wanted to play a game of Yahtzee, but I can see that you still need some time to calm down. I think a few hours will do the trick," he determined with a nod.
He walked out of the house, and sat beside Karna. He sighed loudly.
"Even your grandfather never dared to kick me in the family jewels," Reyk griped as he still felt sore.
"Family Jewels? What sort of euphemism is that?" Karna frowned.
"Mrrrow…" Coba provided, as he purred, "He meant his ba…"
"Well, let me put it to you this way…with a great-grandmother known as the Vouivre who had a red carbuncle for an eyeball, my calling them the family jewels is not that far off…" Reyk interrupted the descriptive feline.
"Mmmhmmm," Karna agreed. "I suppose so." He stroked Coba a few more times before he asked, "Are you sure you can leave them frozen like that for so long without any long-term damage?"
Reyk chuckled. "They'll be fine, don't worry. Besides, by the time I take the spell off, I'll be long gone, so they'll have no choice but to relax."
"You really are heading off now?" Karna asked with a child-like tone.
"'Fraid so, Karna. I have to make sure your brothers can make it back here in time for the family reunion," Reyk reassured him with a wink.
Without another word spoken, Reyk stood back up and waved as he headed off. Karna scooped up Coba and went back into the house. By the time Hagar and Cossack were back to normal, Karna had already prepared a meal for the four of them.
Hagar ate daintily, a contrasting dose of young femininity to counter her aged exterior. Karna regarded Cossack, who sloppily consumed the soup by picking up the bowl and slurping obnoxiously. He placed the empty bowl down to see a pair of perturbed faces staring at him.
"What?" he asked them.
"Must you eat like that? I'm sure the other soldiers don't make such noises in the mess hall."
Cossack glowered at Hagar after she criticized his eating methods. He sneered as he picked up his bowl and looked into it. "Would you look at that? I missed a drop," he announced. He then proceeded to slurp at an excruciating volume. Karna put his hands over his ears at the horrific sound. He could not prevent laughing at the instigation despite the noise.
"You filthy creep!" Hagar shouted. She picked up her bowl. "Here have some of mine!" She threw the bowl at Cossack's head, splashing the lukewarm contents over his head. Undaunted by the aggression, he moved his finger on his head and sampled the soup. "Finger-lickin' good," he grinned. Hagar, displeased, slapped herself on the head and gestured to Coba. "I'm going to bed. Good night, Karna," she said sweetly. She ignored Cossack completely as she went into her quarters.
Cossack turned to Karna. "Ha ha, I win again," he whispered. He rubbed Karna's head. "I'm beat myself. You should get some shut-eye, too."
Karna followed Cossack with his eyes. Once he heard the door to the soldier's room close, he excused himself from the table. He sat outside and searched the stars with his eyes, hoping his estranged family was on the way.
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