9. Season One, Episode Nine - "A Pretty Spy"

Doom Log File Title: "The Slave Spy" (Cossack's Note: I'd have called this "Never Send a Human to Do a Doomite's Job.")

Summary: Inspired by her success with getting the Voltron Force to trust Bokar, Haggar sends in a pretty girl to fool the Voltron Force this time. This time it's not a robeast, but a slave who agreed to do it in exchange for her freedom and the freedom of the people from her planet. (Incidentally, you wouldn't believe how many dumb human slaves fall for that line. I've used it myself. "Hey baby, if you clean my quarters wearing a skimpy french maid outfit and give me a massage, I'll think about freeing you!" And it works every time!) Anyway, the slave chick Twyla gets the yellow lion pilot Hunk to fall head over heels for her and they take her in just as easily as they did Bokar after hearing her sob story about escaping planet Doom. Things would've gone pretty well with this one except that Haggar managed to pick a naive but incredibly dumb slave. She plants a bomb in the Castle of Lions, but she puts it - get this - on a missle. So of course once it's discovered, all they have to do is blast it out. Brilliant! I'm not sure who's stupider, this girl or the Voltron Force for being fooled twice in a row by the same plan of attack.

Anyway, once they figure it out, she spews the sob story about how we made her do it and rats us out so her cover's blown and she's useless to us. Fortunately Haggar has an ace up her baggy brown sleeve and it's that Twyla's brother agreed to become a robeast for this mission if she failed or screwed it up. Yurak deploys Twyla's brother-turned-robeast on Arus, Voltron kills him, and then Twyla has another whiny angst fest before leaving the planet.

Notable Doom Highlights: Zarkon has a great summary of Haggar's plan: "Your pretty spy is a pretty fool!" I couldn't have said it better myself, Sire!  I know.  Sometimes I’m so brilliant it scares even myself, and I don’t scare easily.

Notes: I've decided in reviewing these logs that the next time I want a sap to throw me a pity party and let me hang around a cushy castle, I'm going to go to planet Arus and tell them I'm very sorry I've been an evil conquering bastard and want to make amends for my wicked ways. If they can buy Bokar's bad accent and Twyla's crocodile tears, a charismatic and dramatic guy like Cossack the Terrible ought to have no problem!  Hmm, note to self: maybe if I slouch and say that I am sorry, I was abused as a child and no one ever loved me, my son keeps trying to kill me and an old witch keeps trying to drug me and bang me, they’d take ME in.  At the very least I’d finally get a good night’s sleep.

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