45. Season One, Episode Forty Five - “One Princess To Another”

Doom Log File Title:  “Attack on Satellite Nuclone”

Summary:  Crazy Man (a.k.a. Sven) decides it’s high time he gets revenge on us evil bad guys and teams up with Princess Romelle to return to Doom and take out Satellite Nuclone (Anyone who pronounces it "Nuke-Q-Loan" will be beheaded on the spot), our largest lazon factory, where King Zarkon has plans to supercharge an army of robeast gladiators so that he can finish conquering the universe once and for all.  What can I say, I'm a completist.  After coordinating with the Voltron Force, Sven puts on a robeast costume greatly improving his ugly human appearance and sneaks onto the ship pretending to be a robeast.  (Cossack's Note:  This is the reason our robot soldiers’ optics are now calibrated monthly.  This is also why I’m stuck doing extra paperwork signing off that they were done!  Thanks heaps, dumbasses!)  Once he’s aboard the ship in deep space, he attacks a guard, steals his clothes, molests him, and then steals the ship’s maps.  Why does the Voltron Force and its friends love to molest my soldiers?  They did this on Planet Mauran, too.  I know have to pay for their group therapy, thanks alot.  Of course, grown men running around in white spandex should have been a red flag to any sentient being in the Universe.  He then heads to the control room, clears it, and opens fire on the whole thing.  Some more guards try to stop him, but Crazy Man is on a roll with his laser-powered death rifle and mows down everything in his path gloating about how he’s going to take our evil asses down.  Then he bails. About that time Voltron shows up and finishes the job, destroying Satellite Nuclone and the one robeast we manage to deploy before the shit hits the fan. 

Notable Doom Highlights:  While Zarkon is addressing the court, you get a glimpse of some of our nobility, including a bald blue chick in a dress, a guy that looks like Yurak after an accident with some dye and a pirate eye patch (Arr, matey!) and a fat pale dude.  You also get to witness a nice fight in the arena, although the GA cut the best parts (gore, dismemberment, spurting blood) out for their general feed.  Of interest on the GA side of things, Crazy Man comes off as quite the hypocrite going on about how mean and evil we are while he has no problem blowing up a ship and satellite full of soldiers.  The GA’s version was that it was only robots, but uh, how many robots you know have blue skin and hair and all that?  Guns don't kill.  Insane humans with bad accents who fail at being philosophical kill.  Crazy Man also gets blown off by his girlfriend at the end after he gooses her in still in his robeast costume.  Prissy princesses... they have no sense of humor! 

Notes:  So now the good guys not only liberate (read: invade) our worlds, but also commit acts that by their own laws qualify as terrorism.  Yeah, and they wonder why we mock their goody-goody speeches!  And then they complain when we try to annihilate them.  You brought it upon yourselves!  Can you imagine my son running around like that, in fuzzy underwear, spealing hypocritical rhetoric?  You'll never see a Doomite do that in any incarnation!

Back to Planet Doom's Voltron Incident Log

Back to Main