43. Season One, Episode Forty Three - “Voltron Frees The Slaves”

Doom Log File Title:  “Conquest of Zarkonia” 

Summary:  King Zarkon says he has a “special mission”: he orders Lotor to invade and capture planet Bravora and destroy Voltron.  (Cossack’s Note:  How is this mission any different from any of the past Voltron Incident log files?)  Because even Lotor can conquer a planet when its natives don't know the concept of shoes.  That's how it was "special."  Don't be insubordinate (read: a smartass to your employer).  Lotor and Haggar lead an invasion, and with the help of a red robeast with a morning star chain whip and some big guns, they conquer the primitive people of the world and rename it planet Zarkonia.  Has a nice ring to it.  They take up residence in an ancient castle on a mountain there, while the defeated people mope around with no hope.  Some of the kids mention Voltron, but the adults tell them it’s just a legend and to forget it.  The kids don’t listen (Cossack’s Note:  They never do!  I bet they’re related to Jamie, Amber, and those other brats on that planet I almost got the yellow lion on.) and hatch up a dumb scheme to break into the castle and overpower Lotor.  Coba is lurking around while they’re blabbing about the plan and he clues in Haggar, who sets up a trap for them with Lotor.  They sneak in past a supposedly sleeping guard who has an unloaded gun that they steal, and when they reach Lotor’s bed, he corners them.  That’s when they find out the gun doesn’t fire, and before long they’re staked out in the desert as bait for Voltron, who they plan to trap with a gravity-altering device.  When the lions show up, things don’t quite go as planned.  Turns out the lions have some gravity-fixing gizmo or crystal or something that neutralizes Haggar’s magic so they’re able to free the kids safely.    It's called fusion.  I thought I ordered you to take the CE course.  After they drop off the kids, the adults tell them they were wrong and form a rebellion, which Lotor responds to by dropping a robeast on them.   For once, his lack of subtlety is effective.  Before long the would-be rebels are crapping their pants and running in terror, and Voltron takes it on.  Haggar’s gravity magic slows Voltron down a bit, but unfortunately not enough, and when they figure out that if they switch all systems to manual they have more control, it’s not long before the blazing sword cuts our fun short again.  Nevermind.

Notable Doom Highlights:  Lotor has some good zingers for Haggar, including telling her after she says not to worry that if her gravity magic doesn’t work, she “better worry.”  He also declares at the end that the planet wasn’t worth capturing anyway.

Notes:  Zarkonia would have made a nice little vacation spot.  It’s a little bright for a Doomite’s taste, but it had plenty of fresh water and natives in togas to serve you, and the ancient castle would have fixed up into a nice hotel.  It’s a shame it didn’t turn out.  I’d have checked it out on leave…  Incidentally, my Empire still calls it "Zarkonia" on the galaxy map because the natives are too stupid to let the rest of the Denubian mapmakers know they're "free."  So, my associates renewed the name.  Like I let shoeless freaks or Voltron tell me what I can have or have not named after myself!

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