32. Season One, Episode Thirty Two - “A Transplant For Blue Lion”

Doom Log File Title:  “Blue Lion Out of Commission” (Cossack’s Note: A shame it wasn’t permanent.)

Summary:  Zarkon congratulates Lotor for doing well against Arus in the last battle, but admonishes him for not finishing the takeover and striking fast enough when they’re weak, while the blue lion (damaged from the previous incident) is out of commission and being overhauled.  This is something you just don’t do.  If you are trying to kill your mortal enemy, and they are down for the count, you don’t wait for them to get back up.  If your enemy is about to die in the desert, you don’t hand them a canteen of water.  If Voltron is out of commission, you don’t wait for it to be fixed!  The Evil Gods must be drunk with laughter right about now.  I should have hit Lotor in the head a little harder.  Meanwhile, Alfor appears and gives the Voltron Force some advice about rivers and streams.  (Cossack’s Note: Yeah, I saw Ghostbusters too, don’t cross the streams.  Speaking of the Ghostbusters, anyone have their number handy?  I know their song says “Who Ya Gonna Call?” but they never leave their phone number, and we here on Doom would love to contract them to relocate Alfor to the containment unit.)  This degenerates into an argument about whether Alfor has insight about teamwork or his poetry sucks, and Keith and Lance start punching each other over it.  Zombies should not recite poetry, bottom line.  But it not like he’s gonna find any edible brains over there, so I suppose he has to improvise.  Pinky gets them to put their differences aside, however, and when they leave to go do their teamwork thing and fly around against the castle defenses to test them, first they stop to warn the locals that Doom’s forces might show up.  They find their citizens armed and ready to fight us too.  (Cossack’s note: Rebellious little bastards.  Don’t they realize they’re just making their eventual slavery under Zarkon’s rule that much worse?)  Oh, when the time comes, they’ll have electric prods surgically shoved up each and every ones of their asses.)  As it turns out, Lotor misses the window of opportunity in getting there before the blue lion is fixed, but he engages Voltron with the souped-up robeast anyway.  It knocks Voltron down with a nipple beam attack (apparently is was cold that day) and gets the better of them for a while, but Alfor’s wise ghostly poetry echoes in the middle of the fight to clue them in on how to defeat Lotor.  Before you can say “ouch” the robeast gets some serious head, nailed with the BS, and Lotor bails for Doom in defeat. At least it didn’t have to swallow.

Notable Doom Highlights:  Lotor offering Haggar “a new crystal ball and a dozen brooms” if their mission is a success is pretty funny, especially considering I’ve yet to see Haggar use a broom even to dust her lab, much less ride on.  Oh, is that what they’re calling industrial strength vibrators these days?  Way too much information, yecch.  You also get to see the big strong yellow lion pilot cry like a little girl when he screws up in the middle of training and gets Voltron’s leg blasted off twice. 

Notes:  Some pregnant lady in the town had a baby during the excitement of that battle and named her “Voltricia.”  Now there’s a kid who’s going to seriously get picked on with a name like that, and I’m not even talking about when we finally take over.  And Lotor thought being named after a raccoon was a burden.

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