28. Season One, Episode Twenty Eight - “Treasure Of Planet Tyrus”

Doom Log File Title:  “Prince Lotor’s Birthday” (Or as it should have been called, “Bad Birthday Party II – Lotor’s Turn”)

Summary:  While on vacation at the empire’s pleasure planet Tyrus getting rubbed down by a bunch of scantily clad slave women, Lotor gets word from his father (after a lecture about being lazy) that a ship full of treasure is on its way in honor of his birthday, including a giant gold statue of him, but it’s been damaged in an asteroid storm.  Naturally this gets his ego going and he wants to make sure that ship gets there and pronto so he orders the stuff retrieved.  Meanwhile the Voltron Force finds out about this “stolen treasure” that they “just stole last week” and intercepts the ship before our guys can get to it.  They find all the guards “knocked out” (more GA PR – I guess it just doesn’t look good for their prize pilots out to be shown as grave robbers, stealing the uniforms off of dead guys and taking their treasure) and assume their identities to fool the Doom reinforcements that arrive to reclaim the stuff.

Since they want to get all this stuff back to Arus, only because they need to buy special space medicine for sick people of course *cough*Bullshit*cough* they have the red lion—now with the magical ability to meld with metal because of its origin in fire magic—hide in the gold statue while they head to Tyrus.  Once there they reveal themselves in Lotor’s presence, causing the poor captain who felt bad for his “stranded men” to get axed by Lotor and a huge brawl ensues where they fight dirty with a bunch of soldiers.  Sweet little Princess Pinky even nails one in the crotch, although the GA cut that footage out.  Lotor winds up getting the better of them though, and next thing you know the Voltron Force men except for Lance (who gets knocked into a pit full of starving zombies) are staked out on pikes about to be set on fire for a public roasting while Lotor enjoys wine and cake with a captive Allura at his side.  Unfortunately a space mouse helps Lance escape the slobbering fiends in the bowels of Tyrus and he makes it to the red lion (how the hell did he phase into the gold statue to get that lion, anyway?!) which bursts out of the statue (suddenly missing its helmet for some strange reason – more magic?) to save the day.  Not only do we not get our space explorer barbecue, but the princess gets away, the resort suffers massive property damage, Count Zeta (Tyrus’ ruler) goes down with it in flames, and the prince’s birthday really sucks.  Well, since my birthday sucked, at least Lotor’s did also.  Now we can bond.  Hey, I did my part to make it nice: how many dads make a gigantic gold statue for a son who repeatedly tries to kill them?  I’m practically father-of-the-year you stupid fangirls!  Bah!

Notable Doom Highlights:  Tyrus is one of the best planets of the empire.  Hidden behind a protective asteroid field for privacy, it has bubbling spa blood mineral baths, babes in the massage parlor, giant party pastries, and routine good guy weenie roasts on pikes—what more can you ask for?  It’s a shame that Lotor’s party put Tyrus out of commission for a while, but the good news is it’s up and running again as hedonistic as ever.  In fact, I think I’m going to take my next leave there…

Notes:  This whole incident is one of the finest shining examples of GA hypocrisy.  When we blast our way into an enemy ship and take stuff, it’s “pirating” and “looting,” yet when they break in, sabotage, and steal our treasure it’s “reclaiming” it because they don’t approve of the way we acquired it.  Hey Arusians, we conquered your asses years ago.  Any treasure we took from your planet in the course of that conquest means it’s ours now, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t have a big golden statue of Prince Lotor in your coffers either, so there’s no way you can lay claim to that one.  And ripping us off so you can buy medicine for sick people on another planet doesn’t make you Robin Hood; it makes you guilty of exactly what you say we do—stealing.  Oh, and speaking of heroic acts that save lives, nice way for you “good guys” to repay the favor to the captain who saved your asses by making the judgment call to bend orders and bring you back to safety thinking you were some of his men stranded.  Nice of you to not bother to help him when you were going to reveal yourselves a whole ten seconds later.  Just goes to show you, nice guys really do finish last.  For all the Voltron Force’s initial reason of stealing back their gold, inventory taken after the incident showed they left most of it behind.  I guess the severed gold head of Lotor was all they really needed (this was cut from GG clips, the saps).

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