25. Season One, Episode Twenty Five - “Short Run Of The Centipede Express”

Doom Log File Title:  “The Secret Weapon”

Summary:  The Voltron Force catches wind of our secret operations on planet Maura, which Doom captured some time back while Voltron was off saving the day and butting in where he wasn’t wanted somewhere else.  In the meantime we’ve enslaved the population of Maurans (the similarity to “morons” is not a coincidence) who are humans that by and large have really bad green haircuts.  The strangest interpretation of the mullet I’ve ever seen.  One Mauran in particular is rebellious and tries to incite a rebellion while Lotor is planning the big debut of our top-secret ion gun that can take out Voltron in one shot.  They plan to show it off to Zarkon and Haggar, who are traveling in the swanky Centipede Express, which is a luxury train-style ship that can convert to a robeast in a flash.  I loved that ship.  It was so sleek and had a cup holder right next to my throne.  That’s why I got into the Pirate King business in the first place

The Voltron Force realizes they can’t just blaze in so they have Keith and Lance sneak in by flying in the green lion’s head, and they promptly ambush and strip some guards for their uniforms to blend in.  Apparently our soldiers need a vision check because nobody notices the human flesh tone of these soldiers. Well, GG can’t accuse us of being racist now, can they?  I’m inclined to think the rampant drinking on duty had something to do with this; my pal Yaklitz said he spent most of his assignment on Maura hammered.  Anyway, the rebellious slave turns in the Voltron Force guys when he finds them sabotaging the weapon saying that they suck because they didn’t rescue them back when they needed it, and says he’ll get their freedom by completing the weapon Lotor ordered them to build in exchange for it.  Lotor does make him drink some truth potion and swear loyalty to him, but Lotor also drinks it and refuses to say whether he’ll free them afterward or not.

In the end, the slave betrays Lotor anyway and uses the ion gun on the Centipede Express rather than Voltron, since apparently Keith’s smarmy speech warmed his heart or some nauseating crap like that.

Notable Doom Highlights:  This episode has my buddy Yaklitz’s big (and only) scene, where he’s drinking Zarkon’s “gift” of “juice” containing Martian apples and grapes of Doom.  They say it has vitamins, but the GA cut out what else it has in it, namely a proof high enough to need a blaring flammable warning label.  Watching King Zarkon and Haggar tumble around in the Centipede Express after it’s shot is pretty funny too, since I’m fairly sure the old witch copped a feel at least once.  Never speak of this again if you want to avoid the Pit of Skulls.  Lotor isn’t too impressed though, and he blames Haggar for his father being late to show up with an amusing quip about a broomstick.

Notes:  Much as I respect Prince Lotor, I have to wonder what the hell he was thinking putting a slave in charge of firing the big Voltron-killing gun.  I mean, if I had been leading that mission, not only would I consider the possibility of slave betrayal, but let’s face it, I’d want to be the one blasting Voltron’s ass from here to kingdom come personally.  This is Lotor you are talking about.  The L in his name does NOT stand for Logical.  It may stand for Loser, Lame, Lunkhead, but I’ll have to check the dictionary to make sure.

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