21. Season One, Episode Twenty One - “It’ll Be A Cold Day”

Doom Log File Title:  “Princess Romelle’s First Escape”

Summary:  After languishing in a cell for an undetermined amount of time, Princess Romelle decides she’s sick of planet Doom and tries to escape with some other female slaves.  They set a fire in the halls of Castle Doom (Cossack’s Note: This resulted in a long, boring, fire safety training session for every soldier on staff) (Gasoline-based paint…another of that old Witch’s “brilliant” ideas.) to distract everyone and run off in a prison ship.  (This was before Zarkon’s order to re-label them had been carried out, apparently! Actually, they were relabeled with marker.  Too bad my pragmatic engineers used removable marker.  Incidentally, next week is the planned campaign for Planet Sharpie.)  Lotor of course pursued and shot her down, so she and her girlfriends crash-landed on the ice planet Neve.  On the way they called Prince Shorty (Even I know who this little brat is.  It’s hard to forget a mini-Carrot Top who wears a baby blue toga and no underwear.) and the Voltron force to come and get them, and Lotor decides that’s a great way to get a whole bunch of annoying people out of the way.  He re-captures Romelle and Bandor (the other female slaves that ran off with Romelle aren’t seen again, by the way, and are presumably still popsicles on Neve Eh, they were frigid anyway.  Get it, frigid?  Hah hah, I’m the king with the verbal bling!) and Haggar then masquerades as Romelle to lure the good guys into a trap.  A stowaway space mouse tips them off that the fake Romelle is Haggar and they realize a fast one has been pulled, so Lotor delivers the ultimatum to exchange Allura for Romelle and Bandor. 

Things go well until their captain Keith pulls a new contrivance, er, weapon out of his belt—a magic snow attractor.  He manages to coat himself in snow and sneak up to Lotor pretending to be Allura while they do the prisoner exchange.  Fortunately we also cheated and deployed a robeast mid-exchange to take out the lions when Allura and Keith weren’t around to form Voltron.  Unfortunately they manage to get back to their lions in time and form him anyway, and the robeast is iced.  Romelle does manage to get re-captured though, after she charges at Lotor in a fit yelling, “take this!”  Lotor responds with, “No, I’ll take this!” and picks her up and tosses her over his shoulder before taking off.

Notable Doom Highlights:  Early on we’re treated to a scene of a typical Doom feast.  Zarkon throws these parties for the soldiers pretty often to keep morale up, and he’s not cheap with the gourmet food or booze either.  Say what you will about him being a ruthless tyrant, but he does have good taste, and if you serve him well, he treats you pretty good!  Out on Neve you get to see Haggar do a wild transformation from Romelle into her “natural beauty” self that halfway between looks like Romelle in a bad vampire costume.  Haggar also gets a moment of glory when she beans that annoying twerp Bandor on the head with her staff. Isn’t she great with kids?  Maybe if she didn’t bonk Lotor on the head so much when he was young, I wouldn’t be dealing with his crap today.

Notes:  Right before Romelle’s escape, it’s implied that Lotor takes her out to have his way with her after a pretty brutal rejection in which she smacks him across the face.  Guess he was pretty pissed about being turned down by another blond princess.  Later, after the whole mess on the ice world went down, Keith claims that he ordered Lotor to return Romelle home to Pollux, but obviously that didn’t happen since she’s still a prisoner by the time incident 39 takes place.  So now you know the truth; that was just bad GA cover for the fact that they were too lazy to try another rescue attempt until months later—again. 

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