Planet Doom's Voltron Incident Log 


1. Season One, Episode One - “Space Explorers Captured”

Doom Log File Title: “Prisoner Escape” (Cossack’s note:  I’m surprised Yurak didn’t have a euphemism for this in the official records, because he was real pissed when this happened.  After this and the couple entries following went down every admiral, high admiral, and force captain in the fleet at the time got called to a meeting with him where we got our asses chewed out for four hours about the state of Castle Doom’s security.)

I screamed at him for eight.  That’s why my voice is so scratchy now.

Summary:  The 5 space explorers who later become the Voltron Force get captured by a Doom slave ship, but they escape with an unfortunate blend of hand-to-hand combat skill, uncanny intuition about how to pilot an advanced alien spacecraft, and pure dumb luck.

I strongly suggested (read: threatened to throw into the Pit of Skulls) that they remove the labels from the buttons, especially “Ignition” and “Fire Weapon.” Now that I think of it, switching the controls for turning and reversing wouldn’t hurt either.  On an aesthetic note, I have put my foot down about eliminating those useless oar projections from the slave ships.  None of the slaves actually row us through space; it’s like giving a snake a pair of boots.

Notable Doom Highlights:  There’s some great material about what it’s like here on Doom.  You get a tour of the arena, dungeons, and a look around Castle Doom.  The video footage is of exceptional quality, since this was back before the Arus war took a turn for the worse and sucked a big chunk of our budget away.  Scene highlights include the space explorers languishing in a dungeon and griping about their slave tattoos (which you don’t see again) and Yurak laying the law down for the slaves.

We are all about family fun here on Doom.  Naturally, the GA is apprehensive about our tourist trade because they, like the Drules, can’t handle fun if it glued itself to their hands.  Oh, well, their loss, more for us.

Notes:  In the uncut files of this (which the GA won’t release because it’ll make them look bad) you find out that the “good” and “peaceful” space explorers sliced up and impaled some of our soldiers (the GA later claimed they only attacked robots)

and they even said that we never really killed anyone on Arus.  Right.  Like everyone made it to shelter or had already been enslaved while we bombed empty buildings, okay!  They actually cut the dead bodies from the news feed.  They also cut out what Yurak mentioned in his log about skewering some whiny slave on his light blade. 

Apparently although we’re bloodthirsty slavers, we don’t ever kill anyone.  All those guys in the arena just fall over from exhaustion, because “robots” don’t disembowel them or eat their limbs.

Ah, propaganda, the Universal Truth.  Or: the GA and its citizens are a bunch of guilt-ridden, pill-popping pussies.  Your pick.

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