Although our evil goals mean that most of the time we're out conquering, that doesn't mean we can't have fun while we're doing it or plotting it.  Here are some of the more amusing and memorable exchanges and insults we here on Doom have shot back and forth at each other and our enemies.  If these aren't enough for you, more sound clips of our witty remarks can be found on our personal pages.

Lotor's plans thwarted
Lotor: "I'm going to build my own empire!  The greatest in space history!"
Zarkon: "That's it, Lotor.  No more allowance for you."

Unrespected again!
Cossack:  "Uh, it is me, sire."
Zarkon:  "Cossack!  Sneaking around again.  Eavesdropping on our conversation."
Cossack:  "No, sire."
Zarkon:  "Don't contradict me, or I'll send you back to the toad pond you crawled out of.  Now why don't you make yourself useful, and help Haggar get me some lazon?"
Cossack:  "If you wish, sire."
Zarkon:  "What do you mean 'if I wish?'  I just told you that's what I wished!  Now go!"

I'm touchy about the toad pond thing.
Lotor:  "Incidentally, I heard that you were born in a toad pond.  Is that true?"
Cossack (sulking):  "Toad pond... he ruins everything!"

Lotor owns Keith
Lotor:  "Well it appears we are evenly matched..."
Keith:  "Oh yeah?"
Lotor:  "Except when it comes to brains!"

The Doomite robots put Lotor in his place, Part One
Lotor:  "Robots!  What do you want?"
Robots:  "You!"

The Doomite robots put Lotor in his place, Part Two
Lotor:  "I order you to stop!"
Robots:  "Order invalid.  Don't be a drag."

Sometimes they get a good one in on me, too.
Cossack:  "Well, maybe they won't form Voltron."
Robots:  "Fat chance."

Haggar being snarky to Zarkon
Zarkon:  "You made me look like a fool!"
Haggar:  "That's not hard."

Zarkon mocks the Voltron Force, Part One
Keith:  "Zarkon!"
Zarkon:  "Sure!  Who did you think it was, the Good Humor man?"

Zarkon mocks the Voltron Force, Part Two
Coran:  "Release your slaves and I'll recall the lions."
Zarkon:  "Release my slaves?  Then I'd have to do my own work!"
Allura:  "The change might do you good, Zarkon."
Zarkon:  "Yes, but it would ruin my image.  People just won't accept a tyrant who does his own laundry."

The robots show their respect to Cossack the Terrible
Cossack:  "All right soldiers, listen up.  You guard this robot lion good, or you'll answer to me, Cossack the Terrible!  I'm gonna get that Voltron flyboy.  Understand, you rusty tin heads?"
Robots:  "Huzzah."

Haggar's loyalty to Lotor is astounding.
Haggar:  "No, Zarkon, please!  I know Prince Lotor is a thorn in your side, but it wouldn't be the same without him around."
Zarkon:  "Would you like to join him?"
Haggar:  "Heh heh, come to think of it, I never really liked Lotor very much."

Merla fills Allura in on Lotor's secret.
Allura:  "He thinks he's so great just because he has big muscles."
Merla:  "They're not really that big.  I'll tell you a secret.  Underneath his uniform he wears foam-rubber shoulder pads."

The tender side of Planet Doom
Merla:  "Cossack!  Go away!  You're a bad influence on him."
Cossack:  "No I'm not, I'm a nice guy when you get to know me.  Relax, Queenie, I understand all this lovey-dovey stuff.  It's okay."

Lotor gets evicted from his throne
Lotor:  "I am your king!"
Mogor:  "Not anymore, Lotor, you're coming with us."

Cossack gets into his role
Cossack (imitating Zarkon):  "Let's see-- you're looking for a heart, a brain, and Kansas?"
Keith:  "You're gonna wish you were in Oz!"

Memory lane for Zarkon and Haggar
Zarkon:  "...old witch."
Haggar:  "You forget when I was once as beautiful as young Merla."
Zarkon:  "Augh... because my memory only goes back a thousand years."
Haggar:  "What!"

The Robots state the obvious
Random Cadet (who sounds amazingly like Keith!):  "Hang on!  We're coming!"
Robots:  "So are we."

Haggar isn't impressed with my plans
Cossack:  "Good idea!  We'll sell off the parts and make a cash profit."
Haggar:  "You always think big, Cossack, about as big as your little brain can manage."

Yurak protests the loss of his job
Yurak:  "What?  You can't mean this, Master!  I've always served you faithfully."
Zarkon:  "Faithfully, yes, but also stupidly."

Lotor tries to cover his rear after a failed assassination attempt
Lotor:  "Father!  I was only playing a game with you, to test your reaction."
Zarkon:  "Hahahaha!  And if I believe that, next you'll try to sell me some swampland on a dead planet."

Making fun of Queen Merla
Merla:  "There they are, up in the sky!"
Cossack:  "And there she is, out on a limb.  What a pity, eh Haggar?"
Haggar:  "I'm all choked up."

Haggar and Zarkon discuss Prince Lotor
Haggar:  "Well, he's in rare form.  Giving new meaning to the term 'foolhardy'... reminds me of his father."
Zarkon:  "There is a certain resemblance, but he doesn't have my suave sophistication.  That's why I'm going to have to stomp the little upstart."

Showing Haggar gratitude for her help
Haggar:  "Remember, it's you who will gain from all of this if I help you."
Cossack:  "Oh yes, please help me!  If we catch yellow lion, I'll be so happy I'll cover you with a thousand kisses!"
Haggar:  "Please, anything but that."
Cossack:  "I didn't mean it literally.  No one could survive that!"

Lotor and Merla's first impressions of each other
Merla:  "This must be Lotor."
Lotor:  "She'll find me irresistible!"
Merla:  "He looks brutish and dim-witted."
Lotor:  "I can tell she's charmed."
Merla:  "There's a bad vibration here."
Lotor:  "Now she'll bow... she'll kneel at my feet... Hmph?"

Pre-Wedding Jitters
Lotor:  "Father, I am ready to marry Queen Merla, as you have ordered."
Merla:  "You're a real sport, Lotor."

Haggar gets all the "ugly" jokes
Haggar:  "When we tell Zarkon there wasn't enough lazon, things are going to get ugly."
Cossack:  "They always do when you show up."

No respect at all, I tell ya.
Cossack:  "I, Cossack, order you to pick up your weapons now!"
Robots:  "Go away."

Where Haggar gets her inspiration
Zarkon:  "Very nice.  It has an evil look that appeals to my artistic nature."
Haggar:  "I copied it out of a book."

Haggar makes a subtle proposal to Zarkon
Haggar:  "Then I will ask you for a small favor."
Zarkon:  "Oh?"
Haggar:  "To be Queen of Doom!"
Zarkon:  "Well, we'll talk about that if you succeed."

I call Prince Lotor on being whipped, but he doesn't appreciate it.
Cossack:  "Since when do you care what a girl wants?"
Lotor:  "Cossack, you really don't understand anything, do you?"

Lotor owns the Voltron Dorks again.
Lotor:  "My offer is simple, Princess.  If you give me the keys to your lions, I'll give you the key to my heart."
Coran:  "Lotor, you are a scoundrel, Sir."

Lotor and Haggar pick on me.
Cossack:  "When do I get to take command?"
Lotor:  "You?  Take command?  That's a laugh."
Haggar:  "He could command an army of rats to fight Allura's mice."
Lotor:  "Maybe when he grows up."

Carp owns Mogor, Part One
Mogor: "There's only one way of dealing with this type.  With your permission, sire."
Carp:  "I'm loyal to my king, but not to fools like you."

Carp owns Mogor, Part Two
Mogor:  "Carp, you're a fool if you think planet Arus has no other defenses."
Carp:  "Only an idiot would lecture a fool.  You should be worrying about what I'll do to you."

Yurak and Haggar argue
Haggar:  "Time to let those robeasts show you how to fight, Yurak."
Yurak:  "Never!"
Haggar:  "My powers are greater than all your robot forces."

Female Bonding
Haggar:  "Us girls have got to stick together, eh Queen Merla?"
Merla:  "You haven't been a girl in centuries."

Haggar doesn't like having her mistakes pointed out.
Haggar:  "It's about time you showed up, Yurak."
Yurak:  "Zarkon said you would handle everything with your marvelous magic, old witch."
Haggar:  "There's no time to quibble!  Energize this beast!"

Lotor's review of his birthday cake.
Haggar:  "Angel food!"
Lotor:  "Why didn't you order devil's food cake?!"

The Doomites argue their best course of action for party and torture.
Lotor:  "So what's our next amusement, Count Zeta?  Do we torture the captives, or eat the birthday cake?"
Count Zeta:  "Let us torture the captives by eating the cake in front of them!"

Zarkon thinks they were sniffing something, but it wasn't flowers...
Zarkon:  "Flowers?  You send flowers to an enemy planet?"
Lotor:  "These are very special flowers, father."
Haggar:  "Very evil flowers, your majesty."
Zarkon:  "How evil?"
Haggar:  "Delightfully evil!  Soon all of Planet Arus will fall ill from sniffing their aroma!"

Doom royal family therapy in action.
Zarkon:  "You behave with disrespect."
Lotor:  "And why not?  You don't respect my feelings in this!"
Zarkon:  "Stop whining!  You have no feelings!  You are an instrument of evil as I have raised you to be!"

I bet you never knew how we pick our robeasts before battle.
Zarkon:  "Tell me, Lotor, do you know which is our strongest robeast?"
Lotor:  "Number 50, the one with 4 arms!"
Zarkon:  "Put him on the screen.  Oh yes, he keeps in shape."

Apparently Haggar needs a little target practice.
Haggar:  "Did my lasers destroy them?"
Lotor:  "Hardly!  Your cat could shoot straighter!"

Sometimes a little sarcasm is all you've got going for you.
Zarkon:  "What news of my idiotic son?"
Haggar:  "I see in my magic crystal that Prince Lotor took planet Arus by complete surprise.  He launched the robeast."
Zarkon:  "Come, come!  Tell me!  Is the battle over?  Did the robot win?"
Haggar:  "Yes sire, and that robot flies high over planet Arus in victory.  Unfortunately that robot is not our robeast.  The winner is Voltron... again!"

The witch's reward
Haggar:  "I trust there will be a little reward for me."
Lotor:  "Of course.  I'll get you a new crystal ball and a dozen brooms."

No respect for Lotor
Lotor:  "Remember, Commander?"
Mogor:  "Uh, yes."
Lotor:  "I wish you'd tell Father how good I was.  He doesn't appreciate my skill."
Zarkon:  "Because you're a dummy and a failure."

Well that clears that up.
Zarkon:  "Explain your 'touch of magic,' old witch."
Haggar:  "Ah, when magic is explained it is no longer magic."

Zarkon and Haggar discuss their age. 
Zarkon:  "I was young once myself."
Haggar:  "I thank my evil star I never was!"

Lotor just doesn't strike Zarkon as a diplomat 
Lotor:  "Before you sabotage Voltron, I would like to go and negotiate with Princess Allura myself."
Zarkon:  "You?  You have the appeal of a salamander!"

Zarkon isn't impressed with the lions.  
Zarkon:  "Your puny lions have no claws and no fangs!"
Haggar: "Then what's biting us?"

There are some things you just don't admit to. 
Haggar:  "Your highness, all went well until some vicious trained mice interfered."
Zarkon:  "Defeated by mice?  A new low!  Out of my sight!"

Party poopers. 
Zarkon:  "So?  They're having a party."
Haggar:  "Yes, and they're all having a great time.  It's extremely irritating."

A painful instruction for Haggar. 
Lotor:  "It was really kind of a funny battle.  The only injury was Haggar's cat."
Zarkon:  "There's nothing funny about another defeat.  Broken spells, may you ride a splintered broom, old witch!"

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