Chilla's Close Encounters
It came as a surprise initially that the icy lady Lunatac Chilla was open about dating Captain Cracker, especially after she called him a "beat up old robot" when asked about her first impression of him. When asked about how their relationship came about (and after thawing after asking too-personal a question to the interviewee) Chilla told our staff reporter that Cracker was one of the only non icewalker men she had dated that didn't mind extremes in temperature. In fact, she said he was the only one that didn't back off when she iced him for his sleazy and clichéd come-ons. Apparently with Chilla, persistence pays off.
Another member of the outlaw gang of Lunatacs, who wishes to remain anonymous, had a different take on the situation. That Lunatac claimed that after the unfortunate "rock salt" incident on Exile Isle, Cracker helped her out of her salt-stained clothes and "comforted" the distressed ice woman. It didn't stop her from dumping him for a ride off in the mobile Lunatac Shack, though, this Lunatac was quick to point out, and also added that it was because Cracker was inadequate and she could clearly do better.
Apparently it was only a one-night stand as far as Chilla was concerned though, as Cracker continued to carry a torch for her for some time. He even went to the extreme to bust Chilla and all of her friends out of their prison on Way Out Back on Bragg's own train, if only Chilla would take him back and spend the night in the control chair with him. The anonymous Lunatac source confirms, with obvious disgust, that it was exactly what she did, too.
Reporter Cassio2x had a more blunt take on the situation:
"Just look at that slut Chilla, Man, she gets AROUND! With her new affair with Captain Cracker, no matter she no longer has the time to spend with Alluro! Man, I guess Cracker will need to stock up some antifreeze for when that icy slut gives him a "loob job."
Alluro declined to comment on the record about Chilla's relationship with Cracker and about the remark made by Cassio2x all he said was that he did "not stand a chance, and will not ask again."
Chilla's affair with Cracker was relatively short-lived, however, and it fell apart shortly after Way Out Back. Later she was seen with Vultureman. She denies ever dating the vulture Mutant, and claims the relationship was "all business". Further questioning got the reporter iced.
However, this exclusive and curious photo was taken on the sly
by one of the staff agents, showing Chilla meeting up with Vultureman in
secret in the woods.
As it turned out, Vultureman was interested in the lovely Lunatac lady, but
it became icily clear that she was less than receptive to his advances, and he
paid for his presumptuousness with frostbite in a most sensitive area.
Later Chilla decided to capitalize on the vulture Mutant's desperation. This still taken from Castle Plundarr's security tapes shows a deal made between Vultureman and Chilla via videophone involving a $9.99/minute video phone-sex line direct from Skytomb to Castle Plundarr.
Unfortunately for Vultureman, his Plundarrian Express card was declined after having to replace too many exploded parts that week. Vultureman was rejected right along with his credit card after that.
The strangest twist of all in Chilla's arctic web of affairs is the one night stand with Snarfer. This came about during her deal with Vultureman. The Mutant had some strange fetishes, and had offered to pay her three times the normal rate to "toy" with a snarf in a suggestive manner. Chilla's desire for a designer wardrobe of white silken dresses funded by Vultureman's cash overrode her general loathing of snarfs, and she iced Snarfer of the Thundercats up for the task.
Naturally Snarfer did not volunteer for this (nor was he paid, he later lamented to our reporters), but he said that aside from the frostbite he "had a good time, yup, sure did, snarfer snarfer!"
Getting "cuddly" with a snarf was reportedly not enough to satisfy Vultureman's perversions when he learned of Chilla's willingness to perform unusual acts for large sums of money. She was paid enough to fund a down payment on an expensive new model Ice Runner after delving into the realm of bestiality with an arctic polar bear. This shot, taken from the private video line feed, shows Chilla beneath a blanket atop an arctic ice moon bear wearing nothing but a pair of gloves.
The scandal of Chilla whoring herself via video out to the Mutants for cash did not sit particularly well with any of the Lunatacs save TugMug, but it was perhaps most unsettling to RedEye. Either that, or his show of sensitivity was a cheap ploy to try and lure her into his bed for a night.
Either way, rumor has it that it worked, much to the disgust of our anonymous Lunatac source. "I never figured a worldly woman like Chilla for such a fool," the Lunatac laments with a sad shake of the head.
The short-lived relationship with RedEye was nothing on the "foolish" scale compared to her strange one night stand with CONTROL Officer Mandora, however. The off-duty officer (who once told Captain Bragg she was never "off duty", but then again that might have just been rejection- it wouldn't be the first time Bragg was rejected after all) had seen Chilla's tapes to Vultureman previously after confiscating them on a raid of Castle Plundarr, and found herself quite attracted to the "nervy lawbreaker".
Mandora bought the ice Lunatac a few drinks, and even though Chilla was a little guarded at first around the woman who had her arrested several times, she was never one to turn down free booze, especially when it was on "Mandonut's tab".
Chilla wound up overindulging and was impulsive enough to consent to some
handcuff games with Mandora. Lynx-O of the Thundercats was present when
the two of them left the place together. Although he expressed
considerable surprise at the strange turn of events, declined to comment on
the matter directly "out of respect to a respected officer of the law."
The morning after, the sober and hung over Chilla couldn't believe what she had done, and with a CONTROL officer at that. She felt so ashamed (and her head hurt so much) that she couldn't even be bothered to ice the reporter questioning her about it. Instead all she said was that she was comforting herself with the fact that she knew Mandora's reputation would take a far worse hit than her own, and that if she was already an outlaw, what did killing anyone who dared to taunt her about it really do to her own record anyway?
Our reporter respectfully let Chilla be at that.
A few weeks after the Chilla/Mandora incident, rumors that Chilla was seeing young WilyKat of the Thundercats began to circulate. Reportedly he got his hands on Vultureman's tapes and developed an intense attraction to the icewalker. After some investigation we found that Chilla did begin to see the young Thundercat in secret, frequently meeting for midnight rendezvous in the woods in DarkSide. Chilla denied this until this photographic proof of the two of them together, provided by one of our agents, surfaced.
When confronted Chilla admitted to seeing WilyKat, pointing out that it wasn't illegal now that he had turned 18, and she had hoped to corrupt the Thundercat youth and show him how "cool" it was to "live on the DarkSide."
The anonymous Lunatac source added with a roll of the eyes that WilyKat was clearly a bad influence and before him, she never dared to mix ice puns with something so terribly lowbrow as Star Wars.
The approval or lack thereof of her fellow Lunatacs hardly stopped Chilla, though. In her quest to corrupt WilyKat, she managed to convince him to bring his wilder sister in on some of their bondage games. Although after the handcuff incident we know that Chilla enjoys such encounters, we suspect that it was actually WilyKat's suggestion. His "relationship" with his sister has been suspect for some time now, and after the incident with Tygra, Panthro, and Willa, all of whom young WilyKat admires and looks up to, we can guess that he wanted his own try at a similar ménage-a-trois.
Unfortunately, what WilyKat and his sister weren't counting on was the fact that one of the Inquirer staff agents trailed them and found them in their lust nest in the midst of their games. Chilla took it all in stride, as at least this time she was calling the shots, but both of the Thundercats were clearly not pleased with the unexpected turn of events.
Her relationship with WilyKat did not last long after that, although she did
not seem too broken up about it. Currently Chilla remains officially
unattached and claims not to be dating anyone, however, we at the Inquirer
suspect that she has simply gotten better at covering her tracks. Any
further twists or scandals that may be uncovered will certainly be reported
here.