Lady Bast MSTs Stone Cold!

Profile of a flamer

Lady Bast: #$%$ #$%*@!!!
Management: Miss Bast, this is a family program.
Lady Bast: Then turn the %^&#$% lights on!

Lady Bast: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the first installment of Lady Bast Presents.

Lady Bast: (somewhat irritated) Well the title worked for Hitchcock... (regaining her winning smile) I've based this new format on what fans of Mystery Science Theatre call "MSTing"...but instead of the classic riffs of Mike and the 'bots, you will be treated to my opinions as well as the opinions of two of my fictional cohorts. The identity of these two co-MSTers will be determined by the spinning of...

...THE WHEEL OF MSTING!

Lady Bast: Wheel of MSTing...spin, spin, spin. Tell us whose commentary we will win! And the winner is...

Lady Bast: Kindis of the Warrior Maidens!

Lady Bast: Er...I thought we were only getting one MSTer...
Kindis: I'm Valoria-sitting today. <She smiles and waves to the audience.>
Lady Bast: Okay, I suppose that can be allowed...Valoria doesn't usually have much to say.

Lady Bast: Wheel of Msting...spin, spin, spin. Tell us whose commentary we will win! And the winner is...

Lady Bast: Oh no...
Seth: Miss me?
Lady Bast: I'm calling my agent. I'm supposed to be the only Egyptian god running around here...we don't need red-head freaks like you...
Seth: This one's for Cheezey, right? She LIKES villains.
Lady Bast: So? We could have had Alluro on here...
Seth: Alluro was busy...something to do with a steamer trunk.
Kindis: Hey, Bast, and...whoever you are...can we get on with it?
Valoria: IT! IT!
Lady Bast: You're right...if the intro is longer than the flames, you might as well pack it in... Alright everybody...today's presentation involves multiple posts from a snowmobiling and WWF enthusiast who apparently hates Thundercats.
Seth: I can't imagine why.
Lady Bast: Shut-up. Our aim is not to correct this sad individual's statements for everyone is entitled to their opinion, but to refute is illogical arguments and ridicule him in public. Are we ready?
Kindis: You bet!
Seth: (with a wicked grin) Always.
Valoria: Ways!
Lady Bast: Let the ridicule commence...

****************

Date: Sun, 6 Dec 1998 14:48:46 -0800 (PST)
From: Justin Sonnentag <stonecold_jr01@yahoo.com>
Subject: THUNDERCATS SHOULD DIE
To: Cheeezey@aol.com

HI LOSSSSSSER,

Kindis: What's a losser?
Seth: Like a tosser, but less British.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THEN DEVOTE YOUR FUCKING LIVE TO USING A DILDO AND WATCHING A LION SWINGING HIS STUPID THING AROUND CALLING PEOPLE HO'S.

Kindis: I WISH I could devote my life to sexual gratification...
Seth: That could be arranged.

YOU SOULD TRY WWF THATS COOL.

Lady Bast: So's Nestea. And it's not real either.

ALL YOU FUCKING THUNDERCATS FANS WILL BURN IN HELL AND DIE. ALL OVER AGAIN.

Kindis: Again? How can you die AGAIN? Burn in Hell AGAIN?
Seth: I take it I'm the only one having flashbacks at this point...

PIECE OF ADVICE QUIT YOUR WINING THAT THEY TOOK OFF THE THUNDERCATS. AGAIN.

Kindis: Why? Whining got them back last time...
Seth: And people actually know me now.
Lady Bast: Sadly enough.

THERE IS A REASON TO THAT. THEY SUCK.

Kindis: Lollypops...
Valoria: POPS!

LETS SEE HAS WWF BEEN TAKEN OFF NO.

Lady Bast: That's just because they had better merchandising. I lasted three thousand years. When the WWF beats that record, I'll be impressed.
Seth: I say we just kill him.

THUNDERCATS YES. I THING IT'S ABOUT TIME THEY ARE OFF THE AIR. I WILL GO TO CARTOON NETWORK AND PERSONALLY BURN THE TAPES.

Lady Bast: I'm sure THAT will impress the Network Execs...
Kindis: Luckily, I taped them all...

BY THE WAY DON'T GIVE ME THIS SHIT ABOUT THAT I SHOULDN'T BE HERE. I TYPED IN THUNDER CATS TO BRING UP THE SNOWMOBILE. AND IT GIVES ME THIS CRAP.

Lady Bast: Funny, when I type in "Thundercats" all I get is snowmobile and jetski crap.
Valoria: CRAP!

I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL WATCHING THE FAGET CATS. ESPALLY TYGRA.

Seth: Meet you there, dear.
Kindis: That didn't sound too good.
Seth: Well, a LOT of people wore skirts in Ancient Egypt...

YES I READ THE OTHER VOLTRON LETTER. VOLTRON SUCKS.

Valoria: POPS!
Kindis: She learns so quickly...

SO DOES ANY OTHER WINING CRYING CARTOON.

Kindis: I don't whine!
Seth: I still say we kill him...

WATCH SOMETHING REAL WATCH WWF

Kindis: The WWF is real?
Lady Bast: That's like saying the cast of Baywatch is real...
Seth: Does Jerry Springer count? I'm on next week...

BYE YOU FAGS.

Lady Bast: Did you know that a "fag" in Britain is a cigarette?
Seth: If this man talks to cigarettes, he needs more help than I do.
Lady Bast: And thus concludes the educational portion of our evening...

PS. TAKE YOUR PAGES OFF . THERE A EYE SORE.

Kindis: A bigger eyesore than this guy's spelling displayed in allcaps?

Date: Sun, 6 Dec 1998 16:35:07 -0800 (PST)
From: Justin Sonnentag <stonecold_jr01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: THUNDERCATS SHOULD DIE
To: Cheeezey@aol.com

Kindis: (agonized tone) Oh no...there's MORE?

DID I HURT YOU CRY BABY FEELIGS.

Seth: He called our feeligs cry babies...I say we kill him.
Kindis: What's a feelig?
Seth: Like a Furby, but less irritating.

CRY CRY :(

Kindis: This guy is starting to sound like Valoria.
Valoria: CRY!

PEICE OF ADVICE FOR YOU. TAKE OUT YOUR THUNDERCAT MAGS. AND USE YOUR FUCKING DILDO.

Seth: Is there another type of dildo that I am not aware of?
Lady Bast: Why? Did you have a blowout?
Seth: You plan to die young, don't you?

BY THE WAY I'M NOT GAY LIKE YOU.

Kindis: Then you're limiting your options. I'm bi.
Lady Bast: Then you're more limited than Seth, he'll take anything that moves.
Seth: That's not fair! Movement isn't essential...

THUNDERCATS YOUR A HOOOOOOOOOOO

Kindis: You know, it occurred to me...if this guy hates Thundercats so much, why does he keep coming back here?
Lady Bast: I could use a lot of technical names, but he might not understand them and thus could not get riled. Essentially, the pain of reading our insults turns him on.
Kindis: Why doesn't he just use a willow switch like everybody else?

Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 13:15:48 +1100 (EST)
From: Justin Sonnentag <stonecold_jr01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: THUNDERCATS SHOULD DIE
To: Cheeezey@aol.com

Kindis: This guy will never shut up, will he?

FIRST OF ALL WHAT THE HELL IS MSTed WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO EXPAND ON THAT.

Lady Bast: Unlike you, we write what we know...

LIKE IN ENGLISH. NEXT YOU THUNDERCAT FANS ARE PATHEDICT.

Lady Bast: Not as "pathedict" as this guy's spelling.
Kindis: I'm still confused by the "next." "Next" to what?

ALL YOU CAN DO IS CORRECT ME ON MY GRAMMAR.

Lady Bast: But can you blame us?

HOO I'M SO SCARED. NOT.

Seth: He'll be scared when we kill him.
Lady Bast: You have a one-track mind.
Seth: I also have a pet crocodile. Do you know how expensive it is to feed those things?

GEE YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND OF FOR THE PUSSY FAGET CATS.

Kindis: Well, they're noble and honourable and can spell...
Seth: Should "pussy" and "faggot" be in the same sentence? (Kindis sighs)

ALL YOU DO IS MORE COMPLAINING.

Lady Bast: Look who's talking...

OH YOU MISSPELLED A WORD, HO THEY TOOK OF THUNDERCATS AGAIN, HO MY DILDO IS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE.

Kindis: (fluttery and whining) Oh, that asshole keeps sending silly flames...

GEE CAN YOU EVER QUIT YOU GOD DAM INFERNAL WHINING.

Seth: You started it. Cheezey was just letting her page sit there, minding it's own business...now you have to die.
Lady Bast: Seth...

IF I HERE ONE MORE COMPLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING I THINK I WILL SHOOT MY SELF.

Seth: He'd do it just to ruin our fun. A bullet is much faster than suffocation.
Lady Bast: SETH!

DON'T WORRY I FOUND THE SPELL CHECK, SO QUIT YOU WHINING.

Kindis: (whining) So why don't you use it? Baaaast, make him USE it!

SINCE YOU STUPID THUNDERCAT FANS CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT WINE WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER TO HAVE A PAGE.

Lady Bast: Isn't he done whining about whining?
Seth: I think I might shoot MY self soon...

I MEAN YOU CAN'T EVEN DEFEND THE PUSSYCATS I AM A HOOOO.

Lady Bast: (wickedly) He is? At least he's man enough to admit it.
Seth: I could almost love you for that one.

I ADVICE YOU TO TAKE THE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE CRYBABY PAGE OFF.

Kindis: How dare you "advice" me! I demand to speak with my lawyer!
Seth: Where's the hairball?
Kindis: Valoria? I think she fell asleep.
Seth: She's smarter than she looks...

BY THE WAY FOR THE RECORD I DON'T LOOK AT PORN SO TELL YOUR OTHER WHINING FRIENDS THAT.

Seth: You're missing a treat.
Kindis: He doesn't LOOK at porn, but he neglected to mention that he feels up the naked statues in museums...

I HAVE BETTER THINGS LIKE MY GIRLFRIEND. AND WWF IS REAL YOU CAN TELL WHILYKAT THAT. OR SHOULD I CALL HIM PUSSYKAT.

Valoria: (waking up) Kat! Kat!
Kindis: Wrong one, Val.

PS. I LOVE HOW I WAS SWAMPED WITH LETTERS. HA HA HA I ONLY GOT ONE OTHER LETTER. HOO I AM SO SCARED.

Lady Bast: That's because we'd rather post humiliations on the net for the entire world to see than mail them to you personally, asshole.

Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 14:14:26 +1100 (EST)
From: Justin Sonnentag <stonecold_jr01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: THUNDERCATS SHOULD DIE
To: Cheeezey@aol.com

Kindis: No more! Stop the pain!

WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GIVE UP BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T E-MAIL ME RIGHT AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.

Seth: The fact that he was sitting there waiting for a response scares even me.

TAKE OFF YOU THUNDERCATS PAGE AND TELL ALL THE OTHER THUNDERCAT PAGES TO COME OFF.

Lady Bast: Yeah! Take off, eh?
Seth: Oh, there's NO chance of them tracking down your nationality now...
Lady Bast: Shut-up, hoser.

BECAUSE STONECOLD SAID SO.

Kindis: Wasn't Stonecold a Gargoyle?
Lady Bast: I don't quite remember...
Kindis: Why would someone who hates "whining" cartoons name himself after a Gargoyle?

Lady Bast: Well, we can't be sure of WHERE that name came from, but it certainly inspires no fear in me.
Seth: Since stones, especially cold ones, tend to just sit there and look dumb as rocks...
Valoria: Rocks!
Kindis: Well, I hope we never hear from that dungball again.
Lady Bast: Sadly, I fear we might not only hear from him again, but that his protests might be quite vocal.
Seth: And if that happens, I'm sure I have a spare casket kicking around....
Lady Bast: (sighing) Can't live with him, can't kill him. Well, that's all for this installment of Lady Bast Presents. Join us next time (if ever there is a next time) for more snide remarks from the friendly faces of Lady Bast's Pleasure Palace! Goodnight everybody!

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