(The stage is dark. Suddenly a spotlight shines on the curtains and Lady Bast bursts through them with a happy grin. Then she trips on the hem of the drapery and lands on her face.)
Bast: (picking herself up) @#$@$$#%#!
(A cough from the wings catches her attention. She looks off-stage then her head snaps back to the audience. She grins over-widely, trying to disguise her lingual faux-pas.)
Bast: (to audience) Hello! And welcome to yet another installment of Lady Bast Presents! (she laughs in embarrassment) Today we are revisiting a past enemy who seems to want to rival our own Whiddaw. Yes! We are talking about that darned, wacky, crazy Simpsons fan!
So, without further ado, I present to you the...WHEEL OF MSTING!
(The wheel is brought forward in a rush of stage smoke. Bast grabs one of the spokes firmly and gives it a generous spin.)
Bast: Wheel of MSTing, spin spin spin...tell us whose commentary we will win! And the winner is...AKIEV!
(Akiev appears in a flash of light)
Akiev: Hello all! I am so happy to be here!
Bast: You won't be saying that in a few minutes...Akiev here is from the Sirestis Continuum although she is best known for her role in "Waterworks." Now...one more time! Wheel of MSTing, spin spin spin...tell us whose commentary we will win! And the winner is....MMPH!
(Renwellend disengages from Bast's mouth and grins at the hooting audience.)
Renwellend: Hey, everyone!
Bast: How'd you enjoy the contents of my stomach? Pig.
But, without further ado...Let the humiliations begin!
Subj: Hello
Date: 4/28/99 6:58:57 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: gdraeving@yahoo.com (Gillian Draeving)
To: Cheeezey@aol.com
Akiev: Well, it seems to be beginning innocently enough...
Renwellend: Wait for it...
Hello BITCH,
Renwellend: Toldja.
Akiev: Oh...my...
Bast: Well, someone certainly hasn't learned how not to get on Cheezey's bad side.
I have decited to make a new and improved web site
Bast: I wasn't aware that there ever WAS a website...
Renwellend: Don't you remember the last one? With the links that didn't work and the guestbook flames?
Akiev: Oh! Wasn't he the one whining about how the Thundercat people erased his site? I remember THAT!
Bast: Oh...THAT was a WEBSITE? I must have been drunker than I thought...
called RIPPING THE FUCKING THUNDERCAT FANS APART PAGE.
Akiev: I hardlythink that such imagery is appropriate for a website!
Bast: He means that the Thundercat fans suck, not that they're actually fucking...
Renwellend: More's the pity.
Akiev: Renwellend!
And I plan to use you and your friends and tell the world what assholes you guys really are.
Renwellend: Use me! Abuse me! Whip me raw!
Akiev: Here, child, take this. (hands Renwellend some pills)
Renwellend: What's this?
Bast: Ritallin.
I just copyed all you links
Akiev: In my experience, your kind copies everything...
Bast: That's Whiddaw...but this guy seems hell-bent on surpassing THAT little thorn in our sides.
Renwellend: I'm a link! A great link! The best link there ever was!
Bast: Yeah. The missing link.
and I plan to fuck all you friends pages over.
Bast: Oh, we're friends now? Is that any was to speak to a friend?
This will show you guys that you SHOULDN"T BE MAKING FUN OF ME.
Akiev: But you make it so easy to do!
Renwellend: Woah! Akiev is getting mean!
Bast: Congratulations! You are now a seasoned MSTer!
Akiev: (tearfully) Thank you! Oh, thank you! (whispered) Was that Oscar material?
Renwellend: Next time, do it naked.
HERE's MY PAGE
All: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
so you know what to expect
Bast: Nothing can prepare you for having your eyeballs explode.
ha ha ha you bitch
http://members. tripod.com/Kill_Thundercats/index.html
Akiev: This is a webpage?
Renwellend: If this is threatening, I'm planning my next vacation to Chernobyl.
Bast: I have a sudden urge to add a thrill to my life by playing in traffic.
Prepare to be fucked over.
Renwellend: He doesn't mean it.
Bast: Why? You don't believe he can insult us to any degree of embarrassment?
Akiev: Well, his embarrassment anyway.
Renwellend: No, I mean that everyone promises to fuck me over, but they never do...
Akiev: Aw. Poor child!
Renwellend: Is that an offer?
Akiev: Get bent.
You and your Thundercat friends are going to be sorry for fucking around with me.
Akiev: I'm sorry I bothered to show up for this. This fool was hardly worth it!
Renwellend: Amen to that! There must be better things to do! Gold to swipe...beer to drink...girls to stalk...
Akiev: A contract to honour.
Renwellend: (whining) Akie-ev...
Bast: Ah well, one thing we can all agree on is that this flamer...once thought of as mostly silly...has proven himself unbelievably pathetic. I can't believe he still thinks we erased his webpage! Even if there was something worth getting excitted about we couldn't do it without his password. Or without being expert hackers and...despite our whining to the contrary...we have lives so that's out of the question.
So, until the next time when the Simple-minded Simpsons' fan (or someone even more pathetic!) sends in another flame, this is Lady Bast Presents signing off!
I can't stand any more of this simple-minded nonsense! Take me back to Flames, Rants, and Hatemail.