As the Third Earth Turns

Episode #1 "Weird Night" part 1

Wilykat part 1

It had been a dull day at the Cat's Lair. So dull even I felt like doing some cleaning jobs. So I decided to perk up things. I went over to the kitchen where Snarf is busy cooking the dinner.

"Hello Wilykat" Snarf spoke. "What brings you here? Snarf snarf!"

"Well, I was a bit bored and I thought I'd help you cook the dinner, if that's all right with you."

This got Snarf's attention for the Thunderkittens rarely offered to do any chore for free. "Ok. What did you do to deserve this?"

"Nothing. I said I was bored." I looked at Snarf like he had insulted me. "If you don't believe me, ask Panthro."

"Maybe later. I need to finish cleaning some messes. You watch the dinner and stir it as needed." Snarf then left to get a broom.

"OK." I turned to find a pot stewing on the stove. I stirred it some. It smelled good. Snarf came back a few minutes later. "I think it's ready to serve."

Snarf came over to the stove, took the spoon, and sampled his cooking. "Yumm.. It's ready. You get the bowls and we'll serve the dinner."

"Right!" I went over to the cupboard and took out 10 bowls. "Too bad Lynx-O had to stay at the Tower of Omens."

"Not necessarily. I can have some leftovers sent to him later." Snarf took out a big spoon and started scooping out the dinner into the bowl. He started carrying out some bowls. "Wilykat, you finish up the dinner and bring out the rest of the bowls."

"Ok!" I poured the stew into the remaining bowls. When I was done, I took a quick look around to see no one in the room. I pulled out a bottle of Ex-Lax and poured some in two bowls. I stirred up the bowls, taking care not to leave any evidence. I put the bottle back in my pouch. Then I took the remaining bowls on the tray and carried out the tray.

When I reached the dinning room, most Thundercats are already seated and waiting. I passed out the bowls to those that didn't get any from Snarf. I took extra care to make sure the adultered stew was passed to Tygra and Ben-Gali.

After I had served everyone, I put the last bowl on the empty spot, set aside the tray, then sat on the chair at the empty spot. Snarf cried out "Dig in!!" and everyone started eating the stew.

A round of compliments came to Snarf. "Great stuff as usual." "You outdid yourself this time." But Tygra complained his stew tasted funny. I kinda of sunk lower in my chair, worried my plan would fail.

Lion-O said "Maybe it's not the stew but all that time you and Ben-Gali did your 'workout' that made the stew taste different."

Now it's was Tygra and Ben-Gali's turn to try and hide the truth. "Uhh... What workout?" Tygra said nervously.

Panthro boomed "Oh for Jaga's sake, you know what we're talking about. You two spend so much time together and by yourselves. Not only that but on a few occasions, I saw you two naked. Now don't hide the truth. You do more than just a plain old workout."  

Snarf screeched "Enough! We're here to enjoy dinner, not air out our dirty laundries. Please save it for later."

I felt relieved. No one suspected me yet.

Sometime after dinner, I snuck into Ben-Gali's room. After a bit of searching, I found the tube of laxative in his dresser. I took it out and put in it's place an enema. Then I went and hid in the closet, waiting for them to come.  

In an hour, Tygra came in, watching behind himself for anyone following. When he was sure no one noticed him, he closed the door and quietly proceeded to Ben-Gali's bed. He took off all his clothes except for his boxers, then laid on the bed.  

In a few minutes, Ben-Gali came in the room. He closed and locked the door, then turned on the lights. When he turned around, he found the nearly naked Tygra on his bed. Tygra said "I'm feeling very horny right now.  Want to have a late night workout?"  

Ben-Gali pondered this for a second. "Sure!" he then stripped himself and he went to the dresser. He took out a tube. "You first or me?"  

Tygra said "I went last time. It's you." Ben-Gali then squeezed the tube and rubbed the stuff on his manhood.  Tygra got off the bed, took of his boxer. He then bent over. Ben-Gali got himself behind Tygra. He rammed the meat into Tygra's buns.  

Watching this from my hiding place, I was starting to get a hard on. But this isn't what I wanted to see.  

After massaging Tygra for a few minutes, Tygra suddenly moaned like never before. Ben-Gali said "Are you all right? You never sounded like that before."  

Tygra screamed "I have to go!" And he ran off into the bathroom. Lots more of moaning followed.  

That looked funny. I nearly lost myself, trying not to laugh out loud and give myself away.  

Puzzled, Ben-Gali tried to figure out why Tygra went like that. He took a close look at the tube. It read 'Enema.' Furious, he searched around the dresser for the right tube, he found a bottle of Ex-Lax.

When he found the bottle, all of a sudden, I felt a little sick. I may not get away with this after all. I kept hiding in the closet, hoping no one would notice me.

Ben-Gali thought for a minute. He did recall Wilykat helping Snarf, something he rarely did just for no reason.  "WILYKAT!! I'm going to kill ya!!" He yelled. He ran out to find Kat.

I took the time to get out of my hiding place and made a beeline for for the garage. In there, I took the space board. I then raised the claw and zipped out on the board, not daring to look back. It is nearing sunset.

Wilykit part 1

I was in the bathroom, applying some makeup. Then I heard a loud banging on the door, followed by screaming "Hurry up! I have to go!" That sounded like Tygra. I yelled back "I will be busy for a while longer. Try using the one in Lion-O's room.  

I heard some cursing from Tygra and the footfall sounding fainter with each steps. Good. I never thought he would leave me alone. When I was satisfied I had enough makeup on, I put on web stockings over my legs.  Then I put on my leather suit that is 2 sizes too small. The skirt is so short that if I sat, it would hike all the way up to the Hook Mountain.

Satisfied I was dressed enough to grab anyone's attention, I unlocked the bathroom door. I took a peek to make sure no one is out there. It was all clear. I carefully strode over to the garage. But on the way, I ran into Snarfer.

"SCREEECH!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING DRESSED LIKE THAT?!? Snarf snarf!" Snarfer was really shocked at my skimpy clothing. "You look like a hooker!"  

Nervously I lied "I have a special demonstration to play. I will be out with Officer Mandora and a few other safety officers to prove a point." I took a quick glance to see if anyone is coming, which they aren't. "You won't say anything about this? Please?"

Snarfer replied "Well, I have a date... um... no.. I mean," He stammered. "I have a party with Berbils. Yeah that's right. A party with Berbils. I am a little late."

Relieved, I continued. What a terrible liar Snarfer is. He has a date. But with who? I put that thought aside for now as I got to the garage. I noticed only one space board. Looks like Wilykat is out for the night again.

I got onboard the remaining space board, and took off. I decided to head for the best place to find someone horny and with money. First I headed for the space port.

When I got there, I snuck on board one of the ship heading for Galactic Nightclub. I had to bribe the conductor.

Shortly after the ship took off, someone called me from behind. When I turned around, I saw it is Grune.

"GRUNE?!? What are you doing?"

He said "I am feeling a bit horny and I thought maybe we could go someplace and get banged?"

"Sorry I don't go out with anyone who masturbates himself 25 hours a day. Someone who harasses my friends for the same sexual favors. Someone who steals everything and claims they all are his."

"But I don't masturbate 25 hours. I only do that 18 hours, after all I got to sleep."

I ranted back "You probably masturbate in your dreams." There has to be a way to get rid of him. Then I screamed "AHHH! THIS MAN TOUCHED MY BREAST!!!", hoping I will get sympathy from the other passengers.

Soon, everyone onboard the ship started screaming and throwing trash at him. "We don't want perverts here!!" one cried out.

The conductor called in his strongmen and instructed them to eject Grune for harassing a little girl. They went over to him, grabbed him, and took out Grune to the hatch. He screamed that he did nothing wrong. But they threw him off anyway. Tried, convicted, and found guilty without a trial.

When I arrived at the night club, I noticed Monkian by the entrance. "He's still working as a bouncer?" Desperate, I decided to just try and convince him I am a stripper working there.  

I walked up to the entrance. Monkian stopped me. "Hoo! Hoo! And just where are you going, Thunderkitten?"  

"What do you mean? Me a Thunderkitten? Real Thundercats wouldn't be allowed to work there." I said seductively, rubbing his hairy chest. "Let alone anywhere on this world."  

Excited by this touchy-feely, he said "Hoo! OK! But if they find out you are underage or are a Thundercat, I would be out a bouncer job again." He motioned for me to enter.  

'Whew!' I thought. I walked in, and headed for the empty table. A quick glance around the crowded room revealed all the men had their hands busy with a woman or two. Wait! I see a lonely guy on a bar.  

I walked over to him. When I sat on an empty seat next to him, I realized the guy is a rat mutant. But I was desperate for any lonely man. "So, feeling horny, man?"  

Ratar-O turned around unsteadily. "Maybe" he said, slurring. It was clear he had been hitting on hard liquor.  "Are you a woman?"  

"Yes I am. Otherwise I wouldn't be here next to you." I hissed, rubbing over his shoulder.  

He replied "You're awfully small for a woman. Are you by any chance Luna?"  

"No. I can't stand her. You wouldn't be able to stand her anyway. I am much safer and easier on your ears."  

"Ok. What do you say we go on my ship and get screwed?"  

My face lit up. Yes! Chalk up another mutant to my personal record. "Ok, if you got the moola."  

"I have lots of that. And money." He got off and nearly fell down. "I am the leader of Mutants!"  

I got off the stool, and helped him out of the room. 'He's so drunk I could milk him for what's he worth and he won't remember at all.' I chucked at myself. Now that's a way to keep mutants off our backs. They'll be beating Ratar-O for losing all of the money.

On the way out, Monkian called out to me "Where are you going? I thought you had to work? Hoo! Hoo!"

"This man is so drunk he needed to be taken home. I will be right back after I flag the taxi."

"Ok Hoo! Hoo! Bye!" He said. I continued guiding Ratar-O to his Rat Star.

When I got there, I took him to his room. I laid him on the bed. I hissed seductively "Don't go anywhere while I get ready..."

I slowly stripped myself piece by piece, while crawling over him. By the time I reached his face, I was completely naked. Just before I kissed him, a brilliant flashed appeared out of nowhere.

"What a scoop!!" a mysterious person said. He then took off running, with a camera in his hand.

Ratar-O quickly stood upright, knocking me off. "Just wait till I get my hands on you. No one gets away with that."

I noticed a piece of paper near where the figure was. I reached out and grabbed it. It was a business card.

I knew if the Thundercats found out I was with another mutant, I would be grounded until I was old enough to collect social security. "We have to get that picture back!" I said to Ratar-O.

He grabbed the business card and dialed the number listed. After a brief pause, he finally connected.

"Thank you for calling the Third Earth Inquirer. This is the Editor in Chief speaking."

"I want the picture your 'Secret Agent' took of me a while ago. I don't want anyone to know I was out with anyone since I normally don't get out much."

"Sorry but that would not be ethical. Everyone has the right to know who has their would-be dates have been out with. So it's not for sale."

"But if anyone knows I was out with a woman, the mutants would drum me out of the club." he whined.

"Ok. I will let you buy it back, but you have to promise you won't say anything about this to the Third Earth Inquirer. What is your best offer?"

Frustrated, Ratar-O offered his life savings, and all of the Mutant's money. The Editor laughed very hard, and said that is not high enough.

"That's blackmailing! I will have Officer Mandora on you for that."

"No it's not. You're bribing me. And Mandora would arrest you first." the Editor shot back. "You have a list of charges that goes way back before Third Earth Inquirer was created."

"Ok What do you want?"

"You can buy ALL of the next issue of Third Earth Inquirer before it goes to the stands. But that would cost even more than my best offer."

"Ok you can take the photo and stuff it! But tell that Secret Agent of yours next time I see him, he will face the wrath of Rat Eyes!" Ratar-O screamed and slammed the phone down.

Ratar-O got back on his bed. "Well, I am not in the mood anymore. You might as well leave and find another man."

I took my clothes and started putting them back on. Just as I was done, I asked "Maybe next time? I am available almost anytime."

Ratar-O said "Not till the mutants forgive me." He turned to me. "What's your name... WILYKIT!!!"

"SHIT!" He must have sobered faster than I thought. I had to get out very quick.

On the way out, he used the Rat Eyes and tried stopping me several times, failing each time. I finally got out of the ship, found my space board and hopped on. I took off before he got out.

"Blasted Thunderkitten!!! Wait till I get my hands on you!!!" He screamed.

Luna part 1

My ears perked up when I heard my name mentioned. When I saw who it was, it was Wilykit dressed for the kill. And it looked like Ratar-O is her next victim.

'Insult me, will she? She will regret that.' I took a look at the clock. It was nearly 10 minutes 'till I meet my dates. I decided I better get out and meet them before they start without me. "Amok, take us home"

On the way out, I saw Monkian. 'Oh no!' I tried to walk past him but he noticed me. "Hey I told you no underaged visitors allowed!! Now I am going to get fired for this... OOF!" He doubled over in pain after Amok planted a good and hard punch to his goin area.

"For the last time, I am NOT UNDERAGE! I am Luna, the leader of Lunatacks!!" I ranted. I left him laying, moaning on the ground. "Thank you, Amok."

When I got to my personal ship, I started the engine. I set the autopilot to take us to Third Earth. The ship then took off.

After a few minutes, the ship landed on a field near the Berbil Village. I got out. "Amok, stay with the ship.  "He only grunted.

I walked to the couples. I noticed a long train like ship laying not far. "Well, you're early." I said to the couple.

Snarfer replied "You're a few minutes early as well."

Captain Bragg joined in "Since we're all here, shall we proceed?"

"Sure"

"Ok. Where?"

"How about right here? The worst that can happen is if the Berbils call the police." Snarfer said, taking off his utility belt. "I'm ready."

Bragg took off his top. "I asked the two of you to join with me is because I found I prefer little people. I had good time with Wilykat. But he wasn't enough. I also went out with a little girl but she wasn't enough either. I wanted to know for sure if I'm bisexual." He finished taking off all his top clothes.

Snarfer added "Me too. I went out with Wilykit and a few others. But I think I prefer 3 way or more."

"Ok guys! Get ready." Luna said. She started to take off her clothes.

In a moment, lots of screeching and whaling emanated from the three way party.

Cheetara part 1

It is a very quiet night at the Lair. I am playing poker with Snarf.

After he won this hand, he asked "Do you suppose we could up the ante and start betting with clothes? It's called strip poker."

"I know what is strip poker is and yes we could do that. I am bored as hell and maybe this would make me excited. All the good guys have disappeared for no reason."

Then the silence was broken by the loud screeching sound. "That sounds like someone is attacking a flock of wild animals. Snarf! Snarf!"

"I will go investigate. Hold the game and your thought for a moment" I said and I took off in super speed.

Snarf got up and started looking for someone. "Snarfer, where are you??" he yelled.

I left the Lair and started for the direction of the screeching sounds. It sounded like it's coming from the Berbil Village.

As I approached the forest, I saw a dark person standing. When I went past him, he opened his trench coat and revealed he has nothing under it. I stopped hard and ended up leaving skid marks over 100 yards.

When I got back, I asked "What are you trying to do?"

"I am horny and I expected to find a horny woman. I wasn't expecting you though but if you're interested, say so."

I thought for a moment. "But the weird sound..."

"That sound? I checked it a while ago and that was Snarfer, Luna, and Capt. Bragg relieving their sexual desire in a three way orgy. They're perfectly fine unless Officer Mandora comes to investigate noise complaints."

Since it was false alarm, I am now free to do whatever I wanted to do. But I didn't feel like a long walk back just to make out with dinky Snarf. "Well, OK."

"Alright! Let's begin! I haven't had a woman since that bitch dumped me." He then dropped his coat and his mask.

"Vultureman!!" I was startled to see a mutant would be so willing to get involved with a Thundercat. But he did have a good looking part. And no other large males were available. "Oh what the hell!" I yelled as I jumped on him, knocking him on the ground. "Wait till you see what a fast sex is like."

"Caww!" He yelled when he got knocked down. "Slow down!! I want this to last long time, I'm not a wham-blam-thank-you-ma'am type."

"That can be arranged. I've been known to last all through the night. Can you last this long?" I said as I started to reach for his manhood.

"We'll see!"

As I got to his meat, I started on a blowjob. Suddenly, a large object flew over us. "SHIT! What was that?"

"CAWWW!!! Just keep going. Whoever was that will ignore us."

Wilykat part 2

When I flew over the couples, I noticed it was Cheetara and Vultureman. "WOW! Looks like my sister is not the only one doing Mutants." I took out one of my mini cameras. I aimed the camera at the couple. I took the photo. But the flash got their attention. "Damn!" I got back on my space board and got the hell out of here.

Cheetara realized that was Wilykat. "Let me catch him and I'll destroy the picture."

"CAWW" But you promised sex" he whined.

"OK!" She was obviously annoyed by this sex crazed maniac. She decided the only way she can finish him and still catch up to Wilykat was to do the superspeed sex. When she started banging on him, she became a yellow blur.

"AHHHH!!!! My DICK IS ON FIRE!!!"

"Sorry, no one brought any lubricants so this is the best I can do." She then increased her speed. He soon gave in and reached his climax in a record time.

"Thanks man." She said the took off, still naked, headed for me.

In short time, she was able to catch up to me. "pull over young mister or I'll ground you for life!!"

I had no choice. I stopped my space board. She came up close to me. "Now hand over that camera."

"Too late. I stashed it someplace safe. And I will not hesitate to tell Third Earth Inquirer if you try anything funny."

"Ok. What will it take to keep that picture out of sight? Sex?"

I nearly gave in when she offered sex for pictures. She did have very nice body. "Sorry but I have other things. How about if you were to object any and all punishments Panthro, Tygra, and Lion-O pass on me and I'll keep this a secret?"

She had to think about this for a while. "Ok you blackmailer! I will try to block all punishment to you."

"Ok then it's a deal. And you might want to cover that up. I thought I saw officer Mandora near Berbil Village.

She took a look down her body. When she realized she went from having sex to chasing a little boy without getting dressed, first, her face became red. "OOPS! I will see you at the Lair." then she took off in a blur.

"Weird woman." I muttered to myself. I continued toward the space port. Since it's still early in the night, both tigers are probably still angry at me for the trick I pulled earlier.

When I arrived at the space port, I noticed a badly beaten and bruised Grune lurking there. "Grune! What are you doing here? For that matter, how did you get so beaten?"

He turned to see me. "Your sister happened. She made a lie and everyone on the ship mistook me for a punching bag." He looked down my body. He could see I was a tad bored. "Maybe you and I could go someplace and have fun?"

"NO!" I screamed. Knowing Grune, he wouldn't leave me alone until he's beaten. "This mean man touched my crotch!!" I screamed.

The conductor came to me. "You again?!?" when he saw the accused is Grune. "You dare to harass a little kid?  That's two tonight. GUARD!!" He yelled.

When some security force crowded around Grune, the conductor continued "Arrest that man. He touched two little kids tonight. Have Officer Mandora come in and charge him with 2 counts of sexual conduct."

"Gotcha!"

And off they go, with Grune in the middle. Once again, all the passerby threw garbage and words at him.

The conductor asked me "Are you OK?"

"Yes I am. Thank you."

After this has settled, I boarded the ship headed for the night club. I sat by the windows. A stranger sitting next to me asked if I was related to a young female that was onboard earlier.

"Yes I have a twin sister. Why?"

"Because that mean ol' Grune tried to rape her."

"Wow. So that's how he got the bruises."

"Yep. You should have seen it. We all spaced him in the middle of the flight."

"Just out of curiosity, where was my sister headed in the first place?"

"Same place as you are."

'Hmmm... So she was bored like I was.'

The rest of the trip went without trouble, I got off the ship and walked to the night club. I saw no bouncer.  'Good! Easy trip this time.'

When I got in, all of the females are busy. And the next show is not for another 15 minutes. "Damn!" I turned around to find a few arcade machines. The first one, "Whip 'em!" featured a kinky whipping game. The score was based on how well you can keep whipping your partner and keep her satisfaction. I popped in a quarter.

But it quickly became apparent it is a crappy game. The graphic and sound quality is on par with a dinosaur video game system called Atari 2600. "No wonder these people use real models. This games sucks shit." I took a look at the other machines. They all have a similar level of quality.

"Hoo! Hoo! Wilykat! You shouldn't be here!"

I recognized that as Monkian. I turned around to see him standing there, blocking my only way out. Desperate to avoid conflict, I took out a capsule from my pouch. I dropped and rolled in between, stuffing the capsule in his pants.

When I got to the other side, I got up and watched him start hopping as he reached inside his pants to relieve the itching powder I gave him. That should keep him busy for a long time.

As I was about to leave, I heard what sounded like the manager yell "Monkian, you're not supposed to masturbate on the job! YOU'RE FIRED!!!"

"Hoo! Hoo! I'm not masturbating. Some little brat stuffed itching powder in my pants."

"You allowed little kids inside this establishment? YOU'RE BANNED FOR LIFE!! GET OUT!!"

I knew it was time for strategic withdrawal. I got on board the ship about to leave back for the Third Earth.

S-s-slithe part 1

It has been a dull night. Ever since Monkian got the job as a bouncer, there has not been any good entertainment. And Vultureman is out doing you know what.

I looked at Jackalman. I was starting to get tired of him. He can't do anything good by himself.

"Well, should I get Luna the blow up doll?" He asked.

"NO! I hate that little whore." I raved. "All she's good for is a book end. Or as bun warmer."

I heard knocking on the door. "Hold on." Jackalman said, got up from the chair, walked to the front door. He unlocked the lock and opened to see Vultureman without the trench coat. "Way to go, man!" he said, nodding approving. "I didn't think you had the guts to go out in your birthday suit."

"CAWW! It's not my fault! Some yellow bitch stole my clothes."

"Yeah riiiight!" He muttered as he started back to the room I am in. Vultureman followed. "I'm sure you did something before she stole your clothes."

When they both entered the room, I noticed Vultureman is missing a few feathers. "What on Plundarr happened to you?"

Before Vultureman can answer, Jackalman interrupted "He had a date with a yellow bitch."

"CAAAWWW! She's not some yellow bitch! She is Cheetara." Then he closed his beak when he realized he just admitted to having sex with a Thundercat.

"What?" I said in disbelief. "You had sssex with Cheetara? Yessss? I thought you were married to technology."

Jackalman chipped in "How was it?"

"Well, it was Ok until she did the super speed. Now my dick is fried!  I am going to bed.  I had too much excitement for the night."

He left the room. Jackalman turned to me. "Hee hee! That's the first step for him. Next, he'll admit to being gay then we can have a 3 way like we used to have."

"Yesss. Maybe we could..." I was interrupted by loud knocking. Jackalman went out to answer it. He came back with Monkian a few minutes later.

I noticed Monkian's hands are in his pants. "Why are your hands in your pants?"

"Hoo! Wilykat stuffed itching powder in my pants and now they hurt a bit."

"That make sssense. But that doesn't explain why you're home early."

"My boss thought I was masturbating because of the itching powder. He fired me."

I thought for a minute. Monkian is now available nights. And with Vultureman about to come out of the closet, we will have 4 way from now on.

More knocking at the door. "Now what?" I ranted. I am starting to get tired. Especially since Lion-O is not due for another half hour.

Jackalman went out to answer it. In a few minutes, he came back, holding Wilykat. "Nyaah!  Did you lose him Monkian?"

"Hoo! Hoo! Now's my chance for revenge!"

"Wait! I came here to offer proposition. When I stuffed the itching powder in your underpants, I felt some kind of excitement I haven't felt in a while. I figured I needed to screw with men for a while."

I spoke up before anyone had the chance to tear up the boy. "Yes.. Now we have more bodies for our little pleasure. Jackal Mann, you keep an eye on him and make ssssure he doesn't do any funny sssstuff. We will begin once another friend comes in."

Monkian looked confused. "Hoo! Who's the other person?"

"Lion-O."

Wilykat suddenly looked nervous. "Uhh.. Lion-O is coming here? He might ground me for being here."

"I thought you wanted to experiment? Yesss? This would be a good chance to try it. Or you can be permanent resssident in my dungeon for making Monkian misssserable."

"W-w-well... OK." He sounded a little nervous. But that's expected when someone's about to get banged by 4 different men at the same time.

In about half hour later, another visitor came in. Lion-O dropped in and saw Jackalman and me. He also noticed Monkian. "Don't tell me he got fired from another night joint?"

"Yesss. Thisss time it's your people, Wilykat that did him in." With that, Wilykat appeared from behind me.

"WILYKAT! What are you doing here?!?"

"He came for a little tutor on gay party. And with a total of five of us, we will have some interesting time. And Wilykat will get his punishment with a sore ass that lasts a week."

Lion-O liked the thought of that punishment. He always wanted to try and fuck a tight ass, something none of the mutants had.

"Ok let's begin!"

"Mwhahahaha!!!" I laughed continuously, watching my cauldron. "This is the best day I ever had since I got the Playboy channel. I looked at Ma-Mutt. "How do you like all that?"

He just whined. "Yes I know. You need someone in your size for yourself. You can try Luna the Blow up doll." When I mentioned the blow up doll, Ma-Mutt growled very loud.

"Oh yeah I forgot you had nightmares for weeks after some asshole sent me one." I turned back to my cauldron and observed 5 men about to get engaged. "MWHAHAHAHAH!!!  Look at that skinny boy with skinny meat.  He's about to get rammed by 4 big pieces of meat at once. Then suddenly the image disappeared.

"AHHHH!!!! WHO THE FUCK DISCONNECTED MY CABLE?!?!"

The image appeared and revealed a purple figure outside the black pyramid. "He's going to die for this!! Ancient Spirits of Evil, Transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra the ever living!!"

(insert ASOE theme)

I teleported myself to outside the pyramid. When I saw who the purple figure was, my eyes grew as wide as a satellite dish. "NO!! Not Barney the purple Dinosaur!!! AHHH!!"

Barney smiled and said in sappy voice "Hi! I want to be your friend!"

I screamed some more. "Ancient Spirits of Evil, remove this horrible freak!"

Nothing happened. "Do as I commanded!"

*We cannot affect anything more evil than we are. Barney is the most purest evil we have ever encountered. Try Mumm-Ranna*

'Hmmm... Mumm-Ranna is the lesser of two evils.' So I teleported myself and took Barney with me directly into the White Pyramid.

Inside the pyramid, I see Mumm-Ranna on the table, sleeping. "Mumm-Ranna, I have a favor to ask you. Will you accept?"

She woke up. She sat upright and took a look at me. "I do not do any favor for evils."

"It's not for me. This freak cannot be killed because it's more evil than I am. I am hoping you can remove him before he destroy Third Earth."

She took a long look at Barney. "Very well. But it's not for free." she hinted at an affair.

An adventure with the purest good, or put up with purest evil? "Ok I will let you have a party on my 'man only land' if you remove this pest first."

"I accept" She stood up. "Ancient Spirit of Goodness, transform this gentle form to Mumm-Ranna the ever bitchin'!"

(Insert ASOG theme)

She held up her hand high. Barney disappeared and then reappeared outside the White Pyramid. "Observe the Cauldron"  I looked into the cauldron and saw the purple freak outside the pyramid.

Mumm-Ranna started chanting. Then the image of Barney exploded in purple pulps scattered all over the White Pyramid. "Until it rains, my place will be renamed to Purple Pyramid."

She turned to me and walked over to me. She said "Now it's time to repay." She started tracing her fingers over my chest.

I nervously chuckled. "Well, you lead."

I was pacing nervously in the control room. No one is left in the Lair. No one came forward to answer the weird noise bit near Berbil village. No one can explain the purple explosion by the White Pyramid. Grune in the hospital after being beaten by Thunderkittens. Yet there's lots of more weird stuff going on. And it's only 11:00 PM.

The phone rang. "SNARF!!" I jumped. I nervously answered the phone. "This is Officer Mandora. I have a Snarfer here. Will you accept the call?"

"Uh.. yes."

"Osbert! You won't believe this!"

"Try me. I had lots of unbelievable stuff happen in the past few hours. Snarf snarf!"

"I need $10,000 bail money."

Exasperated, I yelled "What?!? Why?"

"I got too involved with Captain Bragg and Luna. I was arrested for indecent exposure, noise pollution, and about 40 other assorted violations."

"SNARF!!   NO!!!"

Go on to Part Two

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