The CATS Meow: An Ego Deflation One Particular Asshole So Richly
By: Chase Gainsborough (a.k.a. Shark)
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Although set in a humorous tone, this story reflects my personal bitterness toward a particular person. To avoid any controversy, please DO NOT read if you even feel the slightest notion that it might offend you.
It was a dark and stormy night. A young boy barely into his teens stalked into his room. Shedding his dripping pink poncho, he sat at his computer and flipped the switch to activate it. The monitor flickered to life with an electrical crack, and as soon as the computer booted up and the Windows 98 logo had passed, he excitedly double-clicked on the America Online icon.
The boy leaned back into his chair and relaxed with a smug expression on his face. "I wonder how many praises my public have given my stories today." He said as he signed on under his screen name Lionclaw and watched as AOL went through the process of connecting.
"WELCOME!" The monotonous voice greeted Lionclaw. "YOUVE GOT MAIL!"
"Its about damn time." The boy muttered as he clicked on the mailbox icon and opened up his email account.
He had sent out a couple of his more explicit stories the previous day. They were some of his best ones yet, and since he considered himself the God of Thundercats fandom, he expected nothing more than total and absolute worship of his works.
However, to his dismay, the people of the list did not pay any homage whatsoever.
"They rated my godsend stories just like all the rest of those putrid pieces of crap that go through the mailing list!" He gasped in utter shock.
As he read through the reviews, he was met with only constructive criticism and friendly advice on how to write a story that wasnt so farfetched and meaningless.
Growling with displeasure, the evil boy wiped clean his email window and signed off AOL.
"GOODBYE!" The nostalgic voice stated upon Lionclaws departure.
"So, those feebleminded fools dare perform the sacrilege of nit-picking on their Gods sex stories? There shall be a reckoning! It is time for CATS to unleash his masterpiece, one which will boggle and twist their brains FOREVER! MWHAHAHAHA!"
At that moment, a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky, silhouetting the wicked child and his computer against a wall in the room.
Cracking his fingers, he opened up his word processing program and set to work.
And so CATS evil plan unfolds
*** Warning, you are about to read, from what readers will say, is the best story they have ever read in their entire miserable lives. HAH HAH HAH!!! This is the revision to the story 'SEX SEX AND MORE POINTLESS SEX ABOUND IN CATS LAIR'. Hope you enjoy and read the rest of the series. It's worth it. Wait, what am I saying? Youd BETTER enjoy and read the rest of the series! E-mail me with any problems, comments, etc., etc., etc, and Ill make you sorry >:-( Until then, have fun, or else! ***
Lion-o woke up in the morning craving one thing: SEX! He whipped out his trusty tape measure and measured his cock. "Hmm," he said. "8 ½ inches today, not bad!" he then put away his tape measure and started to jack off his 8 ½ inch erect dick, which cased it to grow another 2 ¼ inches as Cheetara walked into the room, stark naked for no apparent reason. "Lion-o" she asked with a sexy tone in her voice, "if you can get that thing to grow another 3 1/3 inches, then you can shove it into the 5 1/6 inch opening which is my cunt." "oh boy!" Lion-o smiled as he began stroking faster and faster.
Panthro was in the next room, playing with his 10 1/5 incher just as Pumyra walked in who was as naked as Cheetara was. "Hello," Pumyra said, "care to have wild sex with me?" Panthro looked up at her. "Okay, Pumyra, I just have to get my cock to grow another 1 3/4 inches before I can engage in any sexual activity. Sorry, but its standard procedure." Pumyra sighed impatiently as she slumped down onto the bed, fingering her moist, wet hole, which was an impressive 6-inch vertical slit.
In the next room over, Tygra was sound asleep, when all of a sudden, Bengali entered the room, who was naked. Gripping his stunning 11 1/9-inch member, he jumped on Tygras bed, startling Tygra awake. Tygras eyes bugged out as he caught sight of Bengalis cock, which had then grown to a monstrous 12 1/2 inches. "Oh my gods, is that thing even anatomically possible?" Tygra gasped. Bengali slapped him across the face. "Shut up and turn over, bitch!" Bengali commanded, but Tygra said "No way!" Reaching over to Tygras dresser, Bengali found Tygras bolo whip and entangled him with it. He then flipped Tygra over and fingered his puckered hole. "Hmm, nice circumference you have there, my little sex-bitch! Mind if I widen it?" With that, Bengali plunged his 13 incher (it had grown a-half-an-inch since last we left it) into Tygra, making him scream in pain.
And in the NEXT room, Wilykat and Wilykit were sleeping in the same bed, and were both (surprise!) naked. Wilykit rolled over on her brother, waking him up. "Hey, bro, you wanna fuck?" Wilykat blinked, "Isnt that incest or something?" he was about to ask, when suddenly, his dick jutted out and erected at the sight and feel of his sisters body. Wilykit smiled as she pulled out a ruler and measured her brothers cock, "Hmm, 5 2/3 inches. Exceptionally excellent for someone of your age!" She then threw the ruler away and came down on her brother, making him gasp in surprise.
Back in the first room, Lion-o had cum into Cheetara. "What?" she said, confused. "Thats it? Come on Lion-o! Lion-o?" However Lion-o was now sound asleep again, snoring loudly. Cheetara got mad and punched him in the face. "Lion-o, wake up! Youd better put out a lot more than that! Lion-o?" However, to her displeasure, she had accidentally knocked the Lord of the Thundercats out cold. "Oh well, I wonder what the Mutants are doing today." Cheetara wondered as she left the room.
In the next room, Pumyra was still waiting for Panthro. "Come ON!" Pumyra yelled. "Lets get it on already!" "Hold up, Pumyra." Panthro said as he continued to jack-off. "Just ½ inch left to go!" Exasperated, Pumyra threw up her arms. "Oh jeez, do I have to do everything?" Before Panthro knew it, Pumyra had started to suck his dick in hopes of helping him achieve his 1 ¾ inch goal, but instead, Panthro just came in her mouth. "Okay, that was fun. Im done." Panthro said as he got up to take a shower. "Hey, wait a minute, get back here!" Pumyra screamed fruitlessly.
In the next room, Bengali had cum in Tygras ass. Pulling out, he turned Tygra back over and began to suck his dick, which was already 7 1/5 inches and still growing rapidly
The boy yawned, now sick with writers fatigue. He had already spent a whole 5 minutes working on his story, so he decided to just end it there.
"Brilliant, simply brilliant!" He congratulated himself as he looked over his masterpiece. "I just know thisll make all of those no-talent idiots on the list extremely jealous. For my own sake, Id better put out a special note to ensure the protection of my glorious work!"
** On a special note: I do realize that I have a lot of readers, though I dont get enough mail to know that. In fact, I dont recall ever receiving ANY mail. Thats one thing you people have got to work on. I expect you all to make the task of sending email to me a daily ritual. Keep in mind that only email expressing nothing short of absolute praise will be accepted. What I also realize is my story will be popular enough to be copied! And I hate that! I am the worlds best author and dont you forget it! It is only natural that I have truly captured the epitome of LOVE in my more explicit works. So I am no longer asking, I am telling people, do not copy my series. DO NOT STEAL FROM MY DIVINE WORK!!! It's totally sacrilegious. The few whom I DEFINITELY know will plagiarize my work I have already taken the liberty of contacting. Some people may not believe this, but I DO waste a few seconds of my precious time skimming the first paragraphs of all the unworthy stories that come through this list, so I'm bound to catch you if you do. Don't copy my work. It's stupid and pointless. It's not going to make readers like your material, because they come back and tell me, the God of writing. I would not be a great author if I had copied my inspiration wait a minute, I had NO inspiration! I was BORN a great author! Youll have to try and create your series. That is, if you all have the mental capacity for it. I'm the original writer who placed the Thundercats in stories, so therefore, even if you got something new, it would only be trivial to me. That's all I have to say on the subject... **
"Perfect!" The boy laughed. "Prepare to be crushed, you morons of the mailing list!"
After sending his story to the list, he went to grab a bottle of strawberry Quik. As soon as he returned, he opened up his email again.
"What?!" The evil boy screamed as he checked for comments, but finding none. "Its been over ten seconds, and I havent received even ONE praise yet?! Well, I have something to say to THAT!"
He then proceeded to write a short, but nasty letter to the list before shutting down his computer and heading off to bed.
The next day
To his dismay, he woke up to find his online mailbox flooded not with messages of adulation as he had expected, but instead, the email window was alive with flames, and among the hatemail was a rebuttal message from the list mistress:
You have been kicked off the list for blatant violation of list rule #3
3) Don't flame your fellow list members. Well-meant, constructive criticism of someone's work is acceptable, but rude and nasty flaming is not. Anyone being abusive to other members will be removed from the list. If you feel you must say something nasty to someone, please take it into IMs or private email.
If you need to review the list rules you can view them at:
"Figures. Those idiots wouldnt know talent if it bit them in the ass." The boy growled as he erased the messages. "To hell with Thundercats. I need to find a new group."
For hours on end he searched the Internet for another online populace to terrorize with his egotism. Finally, as fate would have it, he stumbled upon a place called nifty.org.
"Hello." The boy grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together. "What do we have here?"
Back to Weird Stories