ESNOVELOTORIS AMATEURIS

(The Amateur Snovelor)

Prepared By

The Council for Law and Government (CLG)

By Order Of

CONTROL

The 15th Tribunal of the USLO

The CLG Press

“dedicated to making our laws understandable”

Thrift Edition

coming soon: The Illustrated Snovelor

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 3

PART ONE 4

General Terminology

Designations

Starting up & Caring for Snarves

Notes on Black Boxes

Notes on Language

PART TWO 10

The Snarf in Season

Estrus

Female Snarves

Male Snarves

Prelude to Breeding

Coupling

Birthing

Natural Breeding Statistics

Notes on Over Population

PART THREE 19

AI and Eligible Snarves

The Two Methods of AI

The Prop-Bitch

Manual Stimulation

Impregnation

APPENDIX A Manual Stimulation Methods 25

APPENDIX B Statistical AI 26

APPENDIX C External Sources 28

USLO Fact Sheet 30

SPONSORS 31

INTRODUCTION

In the beginning, snoveling was a practice preformed only by those dedicated to the love or admiration of the art and not by those inclined on gain or profit. It was -- and will always be -- dominated by the amateur. Indeed, the advent of the professional snovelor was and continues to be a very recent and possibly transient phenomenon, fueled by the exponential increase in galactic-wide consumption for snarf-related products. It is, therefore, a terribly unfortunate arrogant point of view that many hold to claim and question the need and use for the amateur in today’s world.

Is the amateur needed?

The answer, of course, is YES. Amateurs are needed now more than ever. For it is the amateur who raises the prestigious stock and holds the roots of the longest lines of continuous snarf breeds. It is the amateur who cultivates the best characteristics of the breed and weeds out the traits less desirable to the species. It is the amateur who carries on his back the burden of providing for his local community when the professional supplies are few in number and great in cost.

Professional snovelors must by necessity answer to the whims and dictates of the market and quench its insatiable appetite. They produce vast amounts of low quality liter through inflated and wholly artificial means. They make no assurances of the value of their stock, the nature of their output -- the tough cuts of snarf, the furs that wilt before their time, the hides that fail to warm after their first wear, these are more likely than not to be the product of a professional. An amateur takes too much pride in the quality of his work to allow such defective merchandise to leave his premises. Many a snovelor would never even contemplate the idea of selling their precious livestock, preferring to do the work of his ancestors for its own sake.

The manual provides both an introduction and an explanation of what snoveling is and how it is preformed. It takes the reader through the modern snovel by introducing its various parts and functions. It covers how to start a snovel, what to look for in potential breeding snarves and most importantly, how to breed snarves. Statistical formulae and the aspects of various laws are also discussed.

This work is part of the USLO’s aim to standardize the practices of snoveling the galaxy over, so that the same level of quality can be reproduced from place to place. It is my hope, as it is that of my colleagues at the CLG, that this guide sheds light on this very ancient and very important practice. It is our pleasure to be helpful.

Dr. Niles Erwin

Chair of the CLG

PART ONE

General Terminology

Snovel -- the name given to the snarf living area. It is akin to a canine kennel but necessarily larger and with more features. Snovels range from at least two and at most fifty acres. They can have trees but none taller than ten feet and they have to be fenced. By law, snovels must be separate from farms and other residential areas. (CONTROL cd code p.73, ss.3) The center of the snovel contains the manmade structures. Windows are to be placed on the roofs of the building and doors are to be kept locked at all times. A fence or moat can be used to protect the structures. Further regulations depend on the nature of the buildings.

Snovelor -- the name given to amateur snarf breeders. [Professional snovelors are referred to as AI-Breeders and are subject to the strict regulations of CONTROL cd code p.181-253.] Snovelors are not very restricted by CONTROL but are subject to local area jurisdictions and the edicts of the Universal Snarf-Law Organization (USLO).

Bitch -- the female snarf.

Buck -- vulgar for the male snarf, the male snarf will be referred to as ‘snarf’.

Youngling -- a sexually immature snarf.

Designations

The Bitch Hut -- the bitch hut is the primary structure in a snovel and as its name implies it is where the bitches are housed in cages. Also, it is where the act of natural breeding takes place.

The bitch hut has two levels: a lower level where the act of natural breeding takes place and an upper level where the bitches are housed. The ‘keep,’ as it is vulgarly called, consists of several cages either side-by-side or on racks. Extreme care must be taken so that wastes do not accumulate -- this is often remedied with hoses and properly installed drains. The breeding chamber must also be cleaned regularly if the snovel will engage in natural breeding; otherwise the room can be used for miscellaneous veterinary activity.

The Black Box -- the black box is the officially recognized form of snarf euthanasia and is the most important part of the snovel. All snovels require a black box. They must be located near the bitch hut where they are to be housed under a roof but not indoors. The device must be safely sectioned off away from the rest of the field.

As enforced by CONTROL and agreed to by the 13th Tribunal of the USLO, it is subject to yearly inspections and any failure to keep one or to use one may result in criminal prosecutions, fines of up to $1500 and loss of breeding licenses. (CONTROL reg. 457-61, p.3, ss.8) Special local area regulations apply to ‘home-made’ Black Boxes.

The Breedery -- the breedery is a substructure that is found only in snovels that engage in artificial insemination (AI). It is normally physically attached to the bitch hut or is simply a room in the bitch hut large enough to accommodate the needs of AI.

The breedery is an optional building, wing or chamber used for AI. It is where the collecting of semen takes place. It can be no larger than 10 square feet and have no windows but plenty of lamplight. Except for the possible introduction of estrous dung, the area must be contaminant-free. (CONTROL cd code p.85) Depending on which AI method is being employed, it will either be equipped with a prop-bitch or hand-held apparatus.

Cross breeding with other snovels must be videotaped. Semen collection and the necessary statistical data associated with AI must also be recorded. All documents must be made according to the standards set forth by the 13th Tribunal of the USLO and copies of those records must be sent to the local branch of USLO.

The Field -- the field constitutes the unimproved portions of the snovel. It is comprised of the open areas, covered eateries and fresh watering holes. It is where the snarves are free to roam.

It is important that the field be kept clean and trim. Communal accumulations of droppings that do not biodegrade in the course of a week are to be treated with lime. Large rocks and dead vegetations must be removed from time to time. Shrubs and hedges or any other kind of gardening activity are to be strongly avoided especially in small snovels.

Eateries are to be formed from a sturdy wooden room and one or more supports. Snarves should not be allowed to congregate in them for longer than an hour and they are to be washed regularly. Watering holes must be round and only a few inches deep. They must be scattered about the field, not necessarily at random locations. They must be free from algae and contamination.

Snarves, especially breeding snarves, react uncontrollably to cages; therefore they are allowed to roam freely. The field, then, is their area of dominance, their territory marked by their dung. They will tend to destroy anything animate or inanimate inside their ‘space’ and though generally solitary, they can tolerate the presence of others in their area. Occasionally, though, there will be fights but such violence tends to be for show or attention or involve dung. In all cases the snovelor is encouraged to let the events unfold at their own pace and not interfere. If death or injury occurs then the snarves directly involved are to be euthanized. To avoid trouble, there should be no more than one snarf for every fifty square feet.

The Nursery -- the nursery is the second largest building in a snovel. It is plain and featureless. The younglings are kept there until they are sexually mature.

The nursery, for matters of convenience, is a one-room structure kept close to the bitch hut. They have natural opening along the ceiling to let in light and air but otherwise they have no windows and only one door. Often, if a snovel has an extra fence at all, it will be built around the nursery. Hoses are needed to keep the area free form wastes, but since younglings produce very little urine or excrement, the cleansing regiment need not be as rigid as it would be for the bitch hut.

Starting up & Caring for Snarves

First-time snovelors are encouraged to acquire sexually mature snarves and bitches and not younglings or feral specimens. The rearing of younglings is a matter best left to more experienced amateurs -- younglings may or may not survive to sexual maturity -- but the breeding pair (or pairs) will produce many litter to experiment techniques on. If the snovel is intended to crossbreed snarves, then the breeding pairs ought to be of higher stock and come from well established lines that trace back three centuries or more. And they should not be directly related, but that may not be a problem for larger snovels.

Snarves, when bought as adults, should have the proper documentation for all of the required vaccines and health treatments. Younglings do not have such detailed medical histories for economical purposes. Medical care is only given to adults and consists of veterinary checkups, booster shots and any other handling mandated by the local jurisdiction. Emergency care is given only for matters that affect sexual reproduction. All other maladies that do not resolve or cure themselves naturally over the course of seven days are to be treated by the black box.

Younglings are kept together at the nursery until they are about a year old. They will cling to their littermates but over time their familial bonds will vanish and their true isolated natures emerge. The snovelor is encouraged to examine the snarf’s penis once a month or once a week to see if it has grown whiskers or it is three inches long when erect. Either is a sign of sexual maturity and if so then the snarf must be removed at once. If the bitch’s clitori villi have emerged around the vaginal lips, then that, too, is a sign of sexual maturity and the bitch must be similarly removed.

The day-to-day care of snarves involves the clearing of cages or habitats and body washes. Feral snarves are repelled by water so it is important that younglings be acclimated to routine bathing. The snovelor has up to five months after birth to complete the processes with small ponds of warm to cool water, after that the adult snarves will be more tolerant of hoses and scrubbings. Extra care should be focused on the mouth, teeth, ears and claws. Little care or attention need be placed on hygiene except for the areas of the genitals.

Feeding is to be done once a day. For snarves a diet of grass, fruit and berries with the occasional meat will suffice. The food is to be placed in the eateries just before sunrise. For bitches all that matters is that their cage water bottles and dietary supplements be replenished when they run out.

Notes on Black Boxes

The black box is the proper way to dispose of dead or dying snarves. In the days before automation, snovelors would have to build black boxes from scratch or hire an expert to do so. While the popularity of ‘home-made’ devices has increased over the years, this manual will not cover the steps required to build one. (Appendix C refers to places of business where the snovelor can go to for more information regarding ‘home-made’ black boxes)

There are many pre-fabricated models for a sale in the market, models that range from the simple A and B to the more elaborate multi-mulchers that save the hide for personal use, among other things.

For the first-time snovelor models A or B should be used. Both work the same way, much like a blender or juicer. The snarf either falls or is thrown into a chamber whose flooring is a perforated rotating blade and whose walls contain large holes. The blades liquefy the body: the fluids fall through the small holes in the blades itself and are flushed into the sewage, the fleshy parts eject through the holes along the walls and collect in a separate chamber. Model B adds a chemical wash that allows the flesh to also be expelled into the sewage. Model A requires cleaning after each use. (Provided by the USLO)

Notes on Language

It cannot be stressed enough the importance of keeping snarves from speaking or mimicking the language ability of higher life forms. Snarves that have been trained to talk, either by accident or malicious intent, raise in the snovelor and others the erroneous notion that they are sentient, self-aware and thinking beings. It has always been the policy of CONTROL and the USLO that they -- language-enabled specimens -- should be put to the black box. [The snovelor is advised that training snarves to speak is a license-revoking offence. (CONTROL reg. 457-61, p.3, ss.8)]

It is crucial that when snarves are younglings that they not ever be spoken to. Once older they will lack the mental aptitude to use or mimic language and they will not ‘pickup’ any verbal skills. Instead they will respond to posture, tone and cadence like all other animals. It will be safe to speak around them then.

NOTE: if by chance a snarf is spoken to while still a youngling, the proper method of memory cleansing is a full-body beating that culminated with the release of blood. Snarves have hardened bodies so a simple beating alone will not suffice. The bloodletting, however, will engrain in memory an association between ‘talking’ and ‘pain.’ (Provided by the USLO)

All of the facts and opinions presented have been sanctioned by CONTROL and the USLO.

PART TWO

The Snarf in Season

Whether a snovelor opts to breed naturally or through artificial insemination, the amateur cannot proceeded without a bitch in heat or a snarf in ‘emergence.’ [Every eight days a snarf experiences a prolonged state of auto-arousal that indicates a heightened interest in sexual activity called ‘emergence.’] This part of the text will focus only on natural breeding -- in this method the snarf and bitch need not reach their hormonal peaks together to mate. However, studies from the 13th Tribunal of the USLO suggest that coupling one to two days before or after ovulation or emergence lead to more successful mating outcomes.

Before breeding is described, a few notes about estrus and snarf anatomy are in order.

Estrus

Bitches come into heat once a month according to a well-established thirty-one day cycle.

The week of ovulation is indicated by noticeable mood changes characterized by: loss or gain of appetite, harshness and irritability, late-night or pre-morning yowls or both and sudden and unsanitary fascination with their excrement. They tend to smear their bodies with their feces or fling it to other bitches or to the snovelor.

Twenty-four hours to ovulation the bitches will cleanse their lower intestines with repeated and violent bowel movements. Generally they remove as much as one-tenth of their total body mass. And as soon as the last of it is excreted breeding is set to begin.

The snovelor should inspect the feces, though, to ensure that: its density is seventy-five percent that of water and its moisture content is equal to or greater than thirty-five percent of it volume. The bowel must contain identifiable masses of undigested foods. Any deviance from these standards indicates disease and the bitches should be sent to a veterinarian -- or if the bitch is simply to old, either euthanized or removed from the breeding process.

Female Snarves

Female snarves are traditionally referred to as ‘bitches.’ Bitches undergo thirty-one day cycles that culminate in the week of estrus. Estrus is always indicated by extreme bowel movements (that clean out internal body space much needed for the developing younglings) and changes of mood. In Nature, these would have been the sings that advertise to males their need to mate. Once estrus culminates in ovulation, the urge to couple becomes almost unquenchable -- bitches that pass such a period without mating do well from manual stimulation of their sex organs or the insertion of a heated catheter into their vaginal canals. The simulation, even if preformed only once, is enough to satiate their appetites.

Bitches have internal sexual organs that, like the male sexual organs, are separated from the systems of waste excretion. The clitoral slit, comprised of two lip-like structures called ‘the portal,’ lie along a region between the tail-anus and the terminus of the pelvic bones. The opening is horizontal; the slit forms a line that is parallel to the lines of the tail. In sexually mature females it is dotted with clumps of red-orange hairs that are not hairs at all but actual nerve endings called ‘clitori villi.’

Behind the portal is a single opening that remains in a state of fleshy collapse until stimulated by either the whiskers of the male penis or the contractual spasms of birthing. Once stimulated, the canal (the vaginal canal) flexes into a tube. The cervix is located at the other end of the canal; it stays tightly shut when not in heat and when pregnant. Neither blood nor any other sort of menstrual flow follow unconsummated estruses.

Beyond the vaginal canal are the uterus and the ovaries. The uterus contains several internal substructures called ‘Sarcomi Cells’ where individual embryos attach and develop. The ovaries are gonads imbedded into the abdominal cavity around the area of the small intestines. Bitches release up to ten eggs at a time despite the fact that there are only four Sarcomi Cells. Liters range from four to two and seldom ever produce twins.

Male Snarves

In the older literature, male snarves are referred to as ‘bucks’ or ‘buckers.’ It traces back to the days when snarves were naturally reproducing creatures but its exact origins are unknown. For reasons discussed in the official logs of the USLO, CONTROL is turning from its policy of sorting male snarves as ‘bucks’ to using the more generic term of ‘snarves.’ Local jurisdictions are still free to choose for themselves their official terminology until the year F4240.

Normally, penises are pea-sized masses of deep-red flesh that are hidden under special folds of skin called ‘hookers.’ Hookers are located in the second horizontal line on the tail just under the anus. Sexually mature snarves have whiskers around their meatuses -- they, unlike the clitori villi, are actual hairs and their falling-off signal an absolute loss of fertility. Neither scrotal nor similar-type sac structures are present in snarves; testicles are internal. Testicles are located above the anus and can be felt with the application of gentle pressure about that region.

Snarves have an eight-day sexual cycle that culminates in a period of near-constant and protrusive erection. (Hence the term ‘emergence.’) When not in emergence, erections can be brought about by one of two ways: either being in the presence of a bitch in heat or manual stimulation of the whiskers. Fully erect penises range from three to five inches long and are no more than an inch in diameter. A superficial, triangular-shaped knob, typically three-quarters of an inch down from the whiskers, is called the ‘head.’ Snovelors must examine the erections, their sizes, textures and conditions. If there are wrinkles, slime, flakes, sores or odors medical attention maybe required.

During coupling, as penal stimulation increases, tails swell to one and a half times normal size and testicles poke through the skin. It is important for healthy snarves to have two testicles, side by side. The gonads should not protrude more than one third of their visible length. The visible length itself varies from one coupling to another. They signal how much semen will be ejaculated and also the quality of the sperm. (See Appendix B for more information)

Prelude to Breeding

A breeding bitch in heat must be removed from its cage and taken to the breeding chamber with a wrap over its eyes called a ‘blinder.’ It has the effect of a sedative and is useful to keep the bitch form hurting or injuring itself. At the breeding chamber the bitch is covered in a protective sheath called a ‘hoser.’ Constructed from three rubber-nylon dresses, it is expandable to fit many sizes and is attached with Velcro.

The bitch must be restrained on her back over a cushioned stump called a ‘prop’ with metal fasteners. (See local area jurisdictions for the different types of restraints that can be used) The bitch must be held tightly but not too tightly that it cannot maneuver or convulse and it must during coupling. Arms and legs must be spread. The tail is free and the dressing around the genitals must be unobstructed.

Coupling

The snarf -- that must be isolated from the bitch at least an hour prior to mating -- is brought into the breeding chamber on a leash. Upon seeing the restrained bitch and depending on age, erection will be near instantaneous. It is important for the snovelor to have a good grip on the leash for once aroused it is the natural tendency of the inexperienced snarf to rush to the bitch and forcibly penetrate it. A well-trained snarf, however, will be eager to approach but only so far as there is slack on the leash.

Using the leash, the snarf is directed to mount the bitch by slowly and gently falling upon it. It is natural for the snarf to wrap its arms around the bitch’s neck and nudge its swollen tail and member over its mate’s portal. As soon as the whiskers make contact with the clitori villi, the snarf inserts its penis into the bitch and starts to thrust. An inexperienced snarf will tend to thrust furiously and comes to orgasm very quickly. Again, using the leash the snovelor can control the rate of thrusting and thereby teach the snarf to use more even and tempered strokes.

Convulsions and yowls signal orgasm in the bitch. The ceasing of thrusting and the tightening of the body signals snarf orgasm. Penile contractions force the semen into the uterus and are visibly indicated by five to eight convulsive shudders.

The snovelor must wait until the snarf has completed ejaculation before it can be pulled off from the bitch. The leash should not be used for that, rather, the snovelor and an assistant must physically remove the snarf from the bitch. The snarf must be returned to isolation until erection can be achieved again. [Generally, older snarves need longer periods of rest between couplings.] The bitch must be refitted into the restraints have its portal cleansed with distilled water.

Natural breeding need not be video taped but written and detailed records must be kept for future reference. Crossbreeding with other snovels can only be done through AI and are subject to further restraints.

Birthing

A successful coupling is indicated by an increase in appetite and a decrease in bowel movement. On average, gestation lasts three months. Curiously, during the last month the bitch shows clear and definite signs of estrus without ovulation. Studies are still ongoing to try to determine the cause and nature of that phenomenon.

Younglings are born one at a time. Only when the last of the litter has emerged can the common placenta and embryonic sack be safely extruded. [CONTROL recommends extruding the excess birthing materials with a hook no longer than a foot long.] Umbilical cords are to be cut half an inch above the abdomen; the bleeding, if excessive, can be stopped with the application of sterile talc. The litter should be washed immediately, with careful attention paid to the ears. The eyes will be closed, with a green slime around the lids that should not be removed or disturbed.

The bitch and litter remain in the cage for two weeks until the younglings are able to see and walk for short distances. At that point a veterinarian may or may not be consulted. [Sales of snarf younglings are subject to local jurisdiction mandates and ordinances.] Once fully weaned from the bitch -- that promptly loses whatever maternal instinct it might have had -- the younglings spend several months in the nursery. There they are free to roam about and play unsupervised to let them form social groups.

The snovelor must be careful not to show too much attention to one particular individual or to any group of snarves lest the hierarchy kills the ‘favorites.’ Snarves are fierce attention getters and grow very jealous. Once adults, bonding can occur between snarf and snovelor but even then it is important to know where not to cross the line into familiarity. Each snarf and each situation is different, however, the 13th Tribunal of the USLO recommends no ‘personification’ or humanizing’ and no naming. Each snarf, by law, must have a serial number registered to control once sexual maturity is reached. (CONTROL cd code p.80, ss.1)

Natural Breeding Statistics

A bitch is breedable for ten years and is not judged by the number of litter that survive into sexual maturity. For that reason they can be euthanized once their productive days have waned.

In general, if A is the total number of litter that survives into sexual maturity and B is the total number of litter birthed, then:

p = A / B

where p represents a ratio. If p falls to 0.85 the bitch can be euthanized or taken out of the breeding process.

A snarf is valued by how many bitches it produces and by how many times it has mated successfully. An older snarf required more coupling sessions to produce a litter. Snarves are usually productive until the age of twenty-five.

In general, if A is the total number of successful mates, B is the total number of couplings divided by the total number of mates, C is the total number of successful litter divided by the total number of mates and D is the total number of produced litter that reaches sexual maturity, then:

p = C D / A B

where p represents a ration. If p is 0.5 or greater then the snarf can be euthanized or taken out of the breeding process. If p is 0.1 then the snarf is a good candidate for AI and crossbreeding with other snovels.

Notes on Over Population

The 13th Tribunal of the USLO recommends that in the case of over-population, first the snarves are to be euthanized, then the female younglings proportions according to the accepted formulae:

If A is the snovel land area in square feet, R the optimal rate of fifty snarves per square feet and P the actual number of snarves in the snovel, then:

P’ = P - A / R

where P’ is the number of snarves to be euthanized.

If Q is the number of youngling bitches, then:

P” = Q (P R / A - 1)

where P’’ is the number of youngling bitches to be euthanized.

All of the statistics for this section have been provided and verified by the USLO. All of the facts and opinions presented have been sanctioned by CONTROL and the USLO.

PART THREE

WARNING: Artificial Insemination is a practice that is best left for professionals and more experienced amateurs. If preformed incorrectly it may lead to serious and uncorrectable behavior abnormalities, issues regarding dominance and excessive self-abuse. Under absolutely no circumstances are snarves or bitches, harmed or injured during AI, to be returned to their habitats; they are to be euthanized immediately. (Official Statement of the USLO)

AI and Eligible Snarves

AI is used in snovels that sell snarves to industry or that crossbreed with other snovels. It should not be used exclusively or temporarily, as an alternative to natural breeding, for it is too efficient at producing offspring. Small or even medium-sized snovels would be quickly overrun. It is a practice that is best left for professionals and more experienced amateurs and is to be avoided by the casual snovelor, especially the first-timer. The general rule of thumb for the amateur snovelor is thus: AI is to be preformed when two or more individuals of the expected liter are to be removed from the snovel for whatever purpose whatsoever.

‘Mating’ will be necessarily very different from what is has learned its whole life; therefore older and sexually experienced snarves are not to be used in AI. It would take too much time and effort to learn and adjust to the new roles. Younger and sexually inexperienced snarves are the preferred subjects. Virginal snarves must be chosen wisely, their character and personality must be mild and docile not aggresses and domineering. Their genitals, in particular, must not be covered with sores, bleed, or have any unusual odors for all are signs of disease and unhealthy sperm. Careful attention must be paid to the condition and length and width ratios of their testicles. [To observe snarf testicles, apply gentle pressure to the area around the anus; it will cause the gonads to poke through the skin and be visible momentarily.] (See Appendix B for more information)

The Two Methods of AI

There are two methods to the collection of semen. One uses a device called a ‘prop-bitch,’ the other uses direct manual stimulation of the penis. The ‘prop-bitch’ comes with the least risk to the snovelor and is the method preferred and recommended by the 15th Tribunal of the USLO. It is also the only method studied in depth in this part. It is left for Appendix A to discuss the manual methods in more detail.

All snarves must consider the snovelor to be the dominant or ‘alpha’ figure. When botched or preformed incorrectly, the processes of artificial insemination places that master-mastered relationship into conflict. For that reason the snovelor is advised not to carry out AI alone but to be accompanied by at least one able body assistant. The presence of two or more assistants during the act of semen collection reaffirms the snovelor’s dominance and retains a better balance of power.

The Prop-Bitch

The prop-bitch is a device that like the black box is available in the market. Unlike the black box it was never ‘home-made,’ having always been the domain of professionals and only comes in one model, the Standard 37. It has the appearance of a red box with a slanted, leathery lid. The tanned padding helps support the snarves when mounting and thrusting. Restrains on the corners are proved for those snarves that orgasm too violently.

The lid rests on hinges and opens to reveal to compartments, side by side. The first is large and is used to house dung from bitches in estrus. Apertures along the upper portion of the lid transmit the scents to the outside. It is important for young snarves to be trained with fair amounts of dung placed in that compartment, it will be the only way to get it aroused and interested in the prop-bitch.

The second compartment contains a sanitized jar that serves as a flask to catch and contain the ejaculated semen and a leathery tube called a ‘vagina.’ The vagina must be inserted into the jar prior to use. It is corrugated with piezoelastic bands that contract out of phase with the penal throbbing of the snarves, thus simulating the physiological responses of the true vagina. Liberal amounts of water-soluble lubricants must be spread along its inner length. The vagina is attached to a hole on the lid that is itself covered with two horizontal slits of equal leathery textures.

The first few times snarves use the device their penises may have to be guided into the vagina by hand. As they become more and more used to it, their adjusting becomes more and more automatic. The most difficult part of this method is to get the snarves to thrust. In naturally breeding snarves it is the bitch that engages the thrusting, here the snovelor has to engage it. The tails must be maneuvered in to and out of the vagina with smooth and even strokes, one or two times back and forth. It quickly becomes obvious what they have to do and they take over. The snovelor can control the snarves with the leash.

It has been noted that the act of coupling with the prop-bitch takes longer than with natural breeding by ten to forty percent. It may be a function of the vagina of the prop-bitch itself -- having no feedback function the snarves must rely solely on their internal sexual arousals to drive them to climax. Studies are currently still underway on the functionality of a new model prop-bitch, the Standard 38. Its aim is to cut coupling times to a minute or less. However, such a machine would undoubtedly be far more expensive than the Standard 37 and be available to professionals only.

It is important that snarves not dismount until they have completed their ejaculation so that all of the semen can be safely extracted. So therefore the snovelor must be acutely aware of the physical signs of orgasm. As earlier, with the case of natural breeding, it is indicated by a sudden ceasing of thrusting and a lengthening of the tail -- the tail and body spasm at the same frequency and intensity as the penis contracts. Typically, there are five to eight spasms.

Once the act of coupling has come to an end, the snarves must be removed, cleaned and allowed to rest. The prop-bitch must be opened and the vagina squeezed so that every drop of semen collects into the flask -- invariably some lubricant falls into the mix but that is all right so long as only a small portion does. The jar’s contents are emptied into beakers that are entered into a centrifuge to separate the semen’s amalgam of different densities. A clear, central layer contains the sperm -- it is usually collected with the aid of a vacuous capillary. The sperm are to be frozen with nitrogen at once.

The entire act, from the moment of mounting to dismounting, must be recorded in electric format. The sperm count must also be noted. Once a month a full dossier must be delivered to the local branch of the USLO where the records will be tallied and added to the main archives for future reference. (CONTROL cd code p.88, ss.5)

Manual Stimulation

The second method of AI dispenses with the prop-bitch and has, instead, devices used to stimulate the penis directly. It takes less time to perform but is more risky. The snovelor must stand behind the snarves so that only the hands touch the penises. It is also easier to control the snarves during the process while behind than while in front. Grips must be more forceful so that there be no issues about domination. Once started, manual stimulation cannot be stopped until ejaculation.

The different methods have different techniques for stimulation but all have one thing in common. Careful attention must be paid to identify the moment of climax. Indeed, it is even more important here than in the prop-bitch method to note when climax is inevitable. Either the snovelor is quick to grab the jar or an assistant is ready with it just as ejaculation starts. The jar must be placed such that the tips of the penises are well within its rim. The penises must be held down at a forty-degree angle and the snarves must be strictly restrained so that the semen does not miss the jar.

Timing orgasms is something that must be worked out on each snarf individually until the snovelor is intimately familiar with all of the snarves’ physical indication. It requires work and patience but over time the process becomes almost second nature to both the snovelor and the snarf. However, because of the number of intervening failures on the onset, manual stimulation may be quite economically unfeasible to the first-time or inexperienced snovelor.

Impregnation

Only half of a teaspoon of sperm is necessary for a successfully impregnation. No more and no less should be used. A bitch in heat is to be placed over a prop with its legs and arms spread wide and securely tight. Protective gear is unnecessary.

The vaginal canal must be opened with manual stimulation to the clitori villi. A thin metal rod is inserted into the portal until the terminus of the uterus physically stops it. Thawed sperm is placed into a syringe along with a tablespoon of deionized water. The needle of the syringe is long, plastic tube that is run along side the rod into the vaginal canal. The plunger is squeezed until its contents have passed through the needle. The empty syringe is detached first; the rod is taken out second. Degradable cotton balls are inserted into the vaginal canal to keep the fluids from leaking.

As soon as seven to ten days later the snovelor can check the success of the impregnation with the following steps. The bitch’s clitori villi are stimulated to allow access to the vaginal canal. The same metal rod is inserted as earlier but if it hits an obstruction before its full length has gone through that is the usual sign that the cervix has shut and is a good indication that embryonic development has already begun. (See the previous part for more information regarding pregnancy and birth)

All of the facts and opinions presented have been sanctioned by CONTROL and the USLO. The Council for Law and Government hopes that this manual has been both accurate and helpful. If for whatever reason there are typographical errors, errors of omission, unclear explanations or contradictions, feel free to drop us a note at our address as listed in Appendix C. All problems uncovered and suggestions submitted become property of the CLG and may or may not be used in future editions of this work. The CLG is not responsible for any financial losses, criminalities or civil actions incurred by following the advice or steps outlined in this manual. Also, snovelors who opt not to heed the warnings given in this work are responsible for the consequences of their own actions. In all cases the CLG will deny any knowledge of or admit any fault for the outcomes of snovelors who have bought or read or referred to this work.

APPENDIX A -- Manual Stimulation Methods

WARNING: the practice of manual artificial insemination has been conclusively determined by experiment to: 1) subject the snovelor and the snarf to higher risks of physical injures and 2) increase the likelihood of behavioral difficulties in the snarf. (Official Statement of the USLO)

The 15th Tribunal of the USLO strongly suggests that the best method of artificial insemination is the ‘Prop-Bitch.’ However, for those snovelors who opt for manual artificial insemination (manual stimulation), the various legal authorities do offer the following two standardized techniques:

1. The Hand-Held, Artificial Vagina. (AV-Method) -- For the AV-Method the snovelor can use surplus professional equipment or ‘home-made’ alternatives. The artificial vagina itself is a construction of heavy-duty, wax-coated, cardboard paper, rolled into a tube whose dimensions can be varied. Plenty of water-soluble lubricant and smooth padding must line its inner surface. It is to just encompass the tip of the penis and must be pressed firmly onto the erection with one hand. The tube can either be passed up-and-down with even strokes or the snarf can be allowed to thrust at its own pace. (Provided by the USLO)

2. The Infinite Vagina. (IV) -- Again surplus stores or ‘home-made’ equipment will suffice. The IV is a pair of gloves whose palms are padded but not oiled. The head of the penis is gripped firmly but not too tightly and the palm of one glove is passed over its length. As soon as one hand clears the tip the second hand is wrapped around it and the motion is repeated. Although this method offers more pre-ejaculatory control than the AV-Method, the direct penal pressure and the necessary physical contact involved make it the least desirable and might be phased-out by the up-coming 16th Tribunal of the USLO. (Provided by CONTROL and the USLO)

Both the AV-Method and IV are to be preformed while standing behind the snarf in order to give the snovelor more control over the act. (CONTROL cd code p.85, ss.6) Additionally, the techniques can be preformed in the presence of a bitch or bitches that need not be in heat. Older or inexperienced snarves may need tonal reassurance to achieve or maintain erection. Howsoever much encouragement the snarves might need, the snovelor must be mindful not to show the penises any untoward or undue affection. Snarves that have been so abused are to be euthanized immediately. (CONTROL cd code p.85, ss.6.5)

APPENDIX B -- Statistical AI

The erect penis varies in length from three to five inches (as measured tip-to-base). In time the length and firmness of an erection will decrease, therefore it is advised that these measurements be taken at least once a year for a breeding snarf.

If L is the length of the erect penis in inches, then:

C = (L - 2) / 4

where C is the concentration of sperm in parts per hundred million (pphm). NOTE: a snarf with a penis less than three inches long is not sexually mature and cannot produce sperm.

Testicle size will vary not only with age but also during the coupling act; therefore the measurements should be taken immediately before and after the snarf breeds. Each testicle is to be measured individually with calipers.

If L and W are the average length and width of a testicle in inches, then:

T = [L1 / W1 + L2 / W2]

where T is the fraction that represents virility.

C and T combine to give an expression for A, the number of active, healthy sperm:

A = T C exp(T / To)

where T_o has the standard value of 2.15 and A is in pphm. For the average snarf, A is about equal to fifty pphm. If a snarf has an A value of less than twenty-five pphm, then it must either be euthanized or removed from the breeding process. If a snarf has an A value of greater than 60pphm, then it qualifies for cross-snovel breeding. (CONTROL cd code p.83, ss.7, par.1)

Fertility in the bitch is inversely proportional to vaginal depth. The average vaginal depth is four to six inches. It is important to measure the length of the canal while the bitch is not in heat and the cervix is shut. Carefully insert a sanitized and calibrated rod (the zero end first) through the vagina until the cervix blocks its motion. Let the hook lips envelope it and firmly place a thumb immediately over the flesh. Nudge the ruler out and read off the value next to the finger to the nearest 16th of an inch.

If L is vaginal depth in inches, then:

N = 16 / L

where N is the number of snarves per liter that the bitch is most likely to produce. It is important to check the value of N with the actual average value of snarves per liter. If the actual average differs from N by more than twenty percent, then the bitch must either be euthanized or removed from the breeding process. (CONTROL cd code p.83, ss.7, par.2)

All of the statistics for this appendix have been provided and verified by the USLO.

APPENDIX C -- External Sources

Ahrdee Instituted & Implemented

5534 Goeb Street North

Western Rega Novus, Rega Province

YB035361-1997, GS 002424-CD5

(bbk, bbm, pb &etal)

Kit & Kat’s Happy Snarf Co.

618 Thunderian Road

Bebril Village #405

Eastern Continent

Third Earth, GS 472153-42A

(bbk, &etal)

The Lunatack Snovelor

The Mall of Plundarr

13 Penumbrian Ave.

Lunapolis

1st Plunderian Moon, GS 032455-FFA

(bbk, bbm, pb &etal)

Standard & Surplus Supplies

http://www.sss.com/snovelor/index.html

(bbk, bbm, pb &etal)

KEY

bbk -- ‘Home-Made’ Black Box Kits

bbm -- Manufactured Black Boxes

pb -- ‘Prop-Bitches’

&etal -- Miscellaneous Snoveling Items

The CLG

Council for Law and Government

Imperial Building #24

1978 Maxwellian Drive

Coriscant, GS 0

http://www.CONTROL.gov/CLG

The USLO

Universal Snarf-Law Organization

Imperial Building #45

8888 Coriscant Boulevard

Coriscant, GS 0

http://www.USLO.org

CONTROL

CONTROL General Purpose Offices

Imperial Building #1

0 Palpatine Way

Coriscant, GS 0

http://www.CONTROL.gov/GPO/Snovelor

Locality Law Finder (LLF)

http://www.CONTROL.gov/GPO/Snovelor/LLF.html

USLO FACT SHEET

The Universal Snarf-Law Organization (USLO) was originally founded as the Guild of Amateur Snovelors (GAS) in the year 5B8D8. Fifty-five thousand years later, in 68FB0, GAS was renamed USLO by CONTROL. It was also deputized specifically to enforce and disseminate all laws, edicts and regulations regarding snarves and snoveling.

Since 6F158, the USLO holds meetings, called ‘tribunals,’ every twenty-five thousand years. The purpose of the tribunals is to refine the standards and practices for both amateur and professional snovelors, as well as to discuss current and unresolved snarf-related matters. The following is a synopsis of all past tribunals, detailed logs and minutes for each tribunal can be downloaded at the USLO’s official website.

Tribunal Year Chair Location

1st 68FB0 Leo Davidovich Castor X

2nd 6F158 Marsden Tromba Third Earth

3rd 75300 C. H. Kittel Regis

4th 7B4A8 Ahlver Siensten Cygnatus

5th 81650 DoomTone Planetera Ecks

6th 877F8 Hache Geewells Coriscant

7th 8D9A0 Juggara New Thundera

8th 93B48 Phaeton Helena

9th 99CF0 C. S. Mandora Coriscant

10th 9FE98 Berne Strax Fourth Earth

11th A6040 Britanicus Coriscant

12th AC1E8 Rival Plundarr

13th B2390 Vultureman Plundarr

14th B8538 Radric Plundarr

15th BE6E0 J. P. Alluro III New Thundera

16th C4888 TBA TBA