“Confessions of a Striped Cat”
By RD Rivero
*final version*
Over the past four years, agents of CONTROL’s “Project CONFESSIONS” have gathered and collected nearly a thousand pages of evidence culminating in its absolute totality a first-rate study of a mind gone off the deep end. Messages have been intercepted, communications have been eavesdropped and diaries have been read -- yet, sadly, almost all of the materials so obtained remain classified. To satisfy the general public’s ravenous appetite regarding “The Strange Case of Tygra, Thundercat,” the CLG Press, CONTROL and I present here in this tract for the first time ever certain not-so-well-known tidbits -- nuggets, as it were -- of perverse, unbridled evil. Produced by Tygra between the first season of “Thundercats” and the early rise of “Cheezey’s Thundercats Zone,” the forenamed “Confessions” chronicle the rise and fall of Thundera’s most infamous Striped Cat.
#1
“Shhh! It’s him -- he’s listening!
“I know what you’ll say, Benni -- sigh -- and I bet you’re right. Can I be so mad? He’s been gone for so long; surely, he’s found another fandom, another fanbase -- innocent and unsuspecting -- to horrify with his horrific antics. LOL! Maybe he’s seeing another tiger!!?? Or maybe he’s dead -- yes -- dead at long last. See, Bengali, I know perfectly well why it isn't what I think it is -- and yet --
“Yet --
“I know he lives -- he plots still, even as he stews in the pits of eternal hell -- he schemes forever and he absolutely will not stop until every item in his apartment is upholstered with my sexy silks. Ha! And do you think that will stop him? Have you been to that ARSE museum? Have you seen the chairs? The chairs, my sweet stripy supple-butt, pee and poop for they’re more than just lined with tiger skins, they’re tigers -- they live!
“Do you think they dream?
“Oh, I don’t want to think about it --
“In his efforts to immortalize, he’ll cut and slice and poke your eyes -- or however it goes. Do you think death is enough to sate his appetite? I know what you’ll say. But haven’t you read those last ‘stories’ of his? I must sound hysterical at this point -- oh, gods, it’s enough to drive me back to the fruit.
“It’s irrational, but what am I to do? When he’s here he haunts me. When he’s not here he haunts me. Bengali, Bengali, I’m at my wit’s end, what am I to do? I guard my head and neck at all times. I look up to make sure nothing’s dangling from the ceiling; I look down to make sure nothing’s been cut from the floor. I watch my steps going up and down steps; I hesitate to press buttons. I can’t even look at my bathtub without convulsing for a moment or two. I’m not safe awake or asleep -- I can’t trust my own shadow!
“At night I awake to the sounds of his hideous laugher. You know the one, the blood-curdling ‘mwahahahaha.’ I see things -- shapes -- lurking in the darkness. But don’t you understand? Don’t you get it? He’s the shadow out of time, the color out of space. He’s there! There! There! There, in the lab! There, in the bed! There, in the bathroom! There, behind me! There, before me! He’s reading my diary, he’s holding my bong!
“MY BONG!
“And sometimes, sometimes, when it’s really, really quiet, I can hear our little Tygra, singing! By Jagga, I swear, Liono and TW notice it, too. I catch them all the time, staring!!
“I need you, Bengali; I need someone next to me in bed, someone beside me in life. A warm body, a warm anything, to calm me, to reassure me. Come back to Third Earth, I beg you!”
#2
“I know I’m going to die, so what does it matter if I say aloud everything I’ve ever thought about my life and the Thundercats? Here I am, on board the flagship, headed to god-knows-where and I can’t even get Cheetara to look at me. What’s the matter, don’t I have anything she likes? I’m buck-naked, absolutely buck-naked and not a peek, a side-glance, a casual smirk. Do I have to draw a flaming arrow to point to it? Maybe Panthro was right, maybe I should have taken the Viagra --
“I just don’t want to take drugs and I don’t know why. Nerves, I guess. It’s not like I’m a junkie or something. I mean, no one grows up saying, ‘I want to be an alcoholic’ or something, right? I’m clean and sober.
“Maybe not too clean -- I keep leaving stains on the chairs I sit on --
“Yeah, well, I’m going to die, so what’s a shower or toilet paper going to do to change that?
“I know what Jagga says. ‘Oh, we’re gonna be just fine kids,’ gulp, gulp -- down go the booze -- ‘just you wait and see’ -- down goes the geezer, the floor stopping his fall. Remember, he’s the reason why Thundera blew up three minutes ago. And why the hell isn’t this vehicle adequately manned, with naked -- naked -- pumas and stuff? This is the flagship of the Thundercats for crying out loud --
“What’ll happen if the Mutants attack? Is Liono going to help us? The little brat keeps playing with his weenie ‘cause he just found -- oh, never mind. If only I was a teenager again and could get it up, too. Yeah, he’s going to be a lot of help. And speaking of useless ballast, why bring those twins along? Liono certainly doesn’t need them to entertain himself, dot, dot, dot --
“That's it, I'm going to tell these losers just what I think of them.
“First, about the Thundercats: why do we have such a ridiculous national anthem? ‘Thundercats are on the loose, Thundercats are loose’? Is it any wonder the Mutants always laugh at us?
“Second, about Jagga: why was Grune’s supposed lover made our leader? He throws the Sword of Plundarr into the planet core and boy, oh, boy, didn’t that show some smarts, huh? He trusts Grune for thirty years and look at how that whole mess turned out. Yeah, he’s a real leader. Just what the hell is going on here?
“Third, about Panthro and Cheetara: why, I don’t know, I just have to put their names down. They kept me up all night (and no, not in the good way) with their cooing and giggling. I stopped counting how many times they did it after --
“Fourth, about WileyKat: specifically, why do I keep checking him out? It disturbs me like nothing else. I suppose it could be curiosity. Yeah, that’s what it is. Just trying to figure out if it’s a boy or a girl. Don’t think that’s listed on the birth certificate.
“Fifth --
“I said we were going to die, no? The Mutants are coming and Jagga wants to speak to us -- this is great, just great."
#3
"My Dearest Littlest Tygra,
"It's been ages since Pumyra and I were abandoned on this Third Earth. Alright, alright, so maybe 'ages' is a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe! But, damn it, it sure feels like it. I mean, here I am, Tygra, genius am I worshiped? Are my feet kissed, my butt sniffed, my back patted? 'Thank you, Tygra,' 'What would we have done without you, Tygra,' or 'We are unworthy of you, Tygra'? Think I've ever heard any of that? Think again! No, sir-e bob, no -- I'm cast off into exile, into the boondoggles of the Universe --
"Is my smell that bad? I swear -- and I mean it this time -- I change it all of the time now. Ever since that accident I had with Nayda and the swinging vines --
"By Liono's smarm -- they want me to think I'm being left here to do 'a most important task'. But they forget I can see right through 'em. I know what it is, yes: I threaten them with my -- falling iron busts of MummRa! LOL! Oh, gods, LOOK OUT!!
"Me, the invisible tiger; she, the invisible puma -- we make quite a pair, don't we?
"At last the season is over! And if there's a Jagga in hell, let it be the last! Thundercats, episode 95: 'Attack of the Amateurs'. OMG, the story lines (?), the plot (!) -- holes, that is! These past few shows have had so many holes in 'em you'd think it was Swiss Cheese. It's like the writers were blasting us with machine guns. Good gods, if there be a fourth season, let it be written by professionals! Certainly, I won't so much as lend the free use of my butt-shots if the scripts suck. I won't do it for all of the silky fruits between Mummsie's legs.
"Ha! And you can put that on your gay fridge!
"Why am I so obsessed with time? It's like I'm a prisoner, counting down the days to my release -- my 'execution'. LOL! I guess I've always felt 'trapped' 'caged' dare I say 'closeted' ever since the original fan stories were written about me. Oh, and can you believe they don't know I've read 'em all? Yeah, I've been to their so-called 'web-sites'. (Well, I don't have to tell you about my little 'addiction' to the weird stuff, do I?) See, I'm everyone's favorite cat, I've got special fans!
"Don't know whether to be flattered or aghast. Those who 'torture' me outnumber those who 'defend' me. And even those who do stick up for me either dabble in the 'fine art' of tiger skinning themselves or are --
"And then there's him -- him -- that beast, that fiend, that specter in my path --
"I get the feeling sometimes that I'm just a freaking cartoon character and badly-drawn, too --
"Well, that's the last time I let little Tygra write in THIS journal!
"Heh heh heh! And while I’ve got him ‘up' and about, time for more of that 'circulation therapy!' Yeah, baby, yeah!"
#4
"OK, Bengali,
“I’m going to tell you something -- something -- that no one outside of Third Earth knows or even suspects. And you, my stripy butt, must keep this very, very secret. Above and beyond it all, that madman must never be told -- if he finds out, I’ll never hear the end of it! (I don't mean to sound paranoid, but I have the sinking feeling he's reading my emails. Yes, yes, it’s illogical, it’s impossible -- but how do you explain the fact that he knows things about me he just shouldn’t know. Surely, you’ve noticed, you've seen his ‘fanfics,' haven't you?)
"I know you've heard the tales about me and my ‘addictions.' I know because I made up most of them myself. (The singing vampire-mermaid was one of my best, no? From what I can tell, it certainly kept them guessing about me for a while, anyway.) But the Silky Fruit stories are not at all accurate.
"The truth was simply too horrible -- so it was agreed between the Thundercats and the Amazonians that the story would be, edited, for lack of a better word. It's not one of my better moments, so don't expect a lot of detail here. By Jagga, it's been years and I'll never get that taste out of my mouth. Never! I feel like I'm stuck in some weird cartoonish AA meeting and that at any moment I'm going to come out (!) and yell `My name is Tygra and, god damn it, I'm a silky-holic!' Heh heh heh --
"Well, let's see --
"Everyone thinks (because that's what we want them to think) that Silky Fruit refers to food but that's not true. You see, it's ‘Silky's Fruits.' Oh, this requires too much of an explanation. In short, Willa gave his ‘thing' that name.
"And MummRa didn't show up as a sprite or something, we thought we'd spread that rumor around just for kicks. Have people think he prefers to change into female forms, you know, have people start to question his leanings for a change. Anyway, he knew about my lust for male bodies and, in a moment of weakness, he appeared to me in the form of a naked Adonis.
"Don't you get it? Please don't make me say it!
"I don't know if he coated his flesh with it or if he secreted it through his pores but -- his body glistened with the mind-bending hallucinogenic! It turned me on! I became a wild tiger again! And -- I devoured him --
"I said it wasn't one of my better moments. As for the rest of the ‘episode,' I think you understand now what I was doing in MummRa's tomb.
"This is between you and me, OK? By Jagga, if he knew it would be the end. I've been talking to my shrink about this, apparently, I helped MummRa steal sword because in my mind it represented Liono's, you-know-what and -- here's where it gets weird -- it seems that at the time I wanted it, I wanted his, you-know-what for myself!
"I am so glad I finally met you, stripy butt, at last I have a real man around."
#5
"I know you (and others) have wondered -- why was I stranded on Third Earth while you and the other Thundercats returned to New Thundera. Over the years I’ve spread rumors either that Liono was jealous of my brains (and left me behind) or that Overguard was tired of my complaints.
"I've had to invent stories -- I’ve had to -- well, you know how it works. We're under siege by madmen and women. And the less they know ‘bout what really goes on around here the better.
"The truth is, Benni, that, well, how do I put this? I no longer have a working anus. I have to wear diapers. And since I'm not too fond off changing them, the others didn't want me around to stink up the lair -- so I stayed back. Pumyra doesn't give me any trouble, she lives far away at the tower and, to be honest, I haven't seen her in ages.
"I bet you're wondering how this happened. I'll try to explain from the beginning.
"A long time ago I was captured by the Mutants in Castle Plundarr. Slythe tried to torture me by putting my testicles in little vices but, having dated Panthro for a few episodes already, I got used to pain. Vultureman got an idea -- that fool -- on the spot he invented what looked like a long dildo, like the type WileyKit keeps under her pillow. Anyway, it was electrical and had a whole bunch of razor blades at its tip.
"He shoved it in and for the longest time, you know, it didn't feel bad at all. And then he plugged it --
"Oh, boy! At the end, though, it didn't work -- the bird-brain was electrocuted, heh heh heh! Go figure. Slythe decided to kill me instead. He put me up on that four-winds machine, whatever and you know the rest of the story.
"So you see, at first it was just bleeding and spasmatic and for a while I thought it would be OK. But as time passed I noticed it only got worse and worse -- the kittens kept pointing at the stains on my uniform, Snarf got tired of hand-washing the seat covers (again), Panthro dumped me and even Liono turned away. So I had to do what I had to do.
“I dug up a few diapers from what was left of Liono’s baby stuff -- they’re not very noticeable until they’re full. But it makes noises when I walk and it’s very uncomfortable when I’m fighting. And the smell always gives my presence away when I’m invisible. Nope, no sir-e bob, no, life isn’t easy for this striped cat. But at least I’ve got you, Benni.
"Benni?
"Hey, where'd you go?"
#6
"My Dear Little Tygra,
"The -- errr -- fruit (?) was ripe today, ripe, yeah...ripe. By Jagga in hell, IN HELL!! What hot stuff -- for a moment there I forgot how much trouble all of this is. Heh heh heh -- I thought I was flying. I like flying. I fly. Fly, fly, fly. So -- there I was, flapping in the wind, free, FREE, I was FREE! Soaring through the trees; heading toward the tower. Which, for the first time ever, looked a bit --
"So, um, wow, like, wow --
"Yeah -- well, I crashed into Nayda. LOL! I though she was that silky fruit vending machine I told you about last time. You know the one? The one that stalks me. Anyway -- when I came to she was under me. She wasn't trying to get away or anything and I was still on top of the world, as it were. I could've gone for it, you know, heh heh heh, but you know how hard it is -- HARD!! -- you know how hard it is to, errr, 'wake up' when I'm in that 'condition'. Circulation therapy my --
"So, where was I? Yeah! When I came to I saw that I was in the middle of the TreeTop Kingdom. I had been swinging from vine to vine around the village. Normally that's not a bad thing -- except that, well, it, ranneth over, so to speak. LOL! Yeah, yeah, I was a bird in the sky alright, a very poopy bird spraying and dumping it all over everywhere. Man, it's been cleaned but the palace still reeks. The 'fruit' wasn't the only thing ripe today!
"So -- where was I? You have to forgive me, I'm a bit keyed -- stoned, that is!
"Here, have a poem -- I'm calling it 'I need my Rocks.'
"He's coming to take me away, ha, ha
"And I'm losing my mind, would you know --
"He's gonna sex up my stripes --
"He's gonna --
"Oh, wait, let me try it again!
"OK, for real this time --
"'I need my Rocks'
"I've got a spider on my face
"Fruits and stones, broken bones
"Ha, ha, I'm a tiger disgrace
"And whose hand's over my crotch
"Teasing me with lustful touch
"Oh my, that tickles
"I've got a spider on my face
"It crawls by my cat's eye
"Got to stay low, got to keep pace
"That madman's come a-calling
"And I'm stumbling, a-falling
"Tygra dies, dies, dies
"I've got a spider on my face
"And now it's resting in my mouth
"Moving my legs, going no where
"I'm stuck in the web of despair
"Running from the man with no hair
"Flying, flying, flying, flying
"Getting away, am I trying
"What do I see
"There, behind the door
"There, under the floor
"He's haunting me
"I've got a spider on my face -- at last it's dead
"Its made a bloody grave of my furry flesh
"I'm still alive -- he's here, too
"He's in my room, in my bed
"Dropping anvils on my head
"He's measuring, taking size
"Waiting to 'immortalize'
"I need my rocks
"My life sucks
"Good-bye, time to die!
"The End!
"I'm guessing I should stick to phallically-challenged architecture, yes? Oh, well --"
#7
"Bengali, why do you say I have a ‘thing' for Cheetara? That walking STD -- no, wait, that's Liono. What's Cheetara again, I forget now -- something about McDonnald's, or was that Willa? Well, whatever, stripy butt, I only have eyes for you. This 'thing' is no doubt a rumor, a dubious creation of William Overguard. He's a drug-depraved perp Mandora arrested one day, he kept saying he was 'writing' the Thundercats or some other dumb thing like that. Now he did have powers of illusion and a magical typewriter that turned everything he wrote into 'reality' -- we never did figure that one out.
"I know it seems that she and I are 'close' but that's just because we've done things together -- not what you're thinking of. Pervert. I'll explain it but, I have to remind you that we must be careful.
"After our tryst the other day, I found a strange man with a camera around the valley. I'm sure it meant nothing, he said he was from the National Geographic. Nevertheless, we must be vigilant. If anyone ever found out, no, if that madman ever found out -- well, you saw what he did when he exposed the kittens.
"I remembered something funny this morning. Liono was acting all smarmy and stuff over breakfast and, as I saw him point the sword, I was taken back to our first, few days on Third Earth. He was still getting used to his new body and we had to keep reminding him to put his shorts on. It suddenly occurred to me today that he wasn't forgetting to cover himself -- he was doing it on purpose in front of Cheetara.
"So, one night, while he was asleep, we snuck into his tent and tried to measure him -- you know, for scientific curiosity. He had the ‘mind' of a child, he would have bought anything we'd have said but fortunately he was not awake or covered. I was amused, I had never seen anything so small, even the cheetah had to squint and I thought she had seen everything.
"I put the ruler in place but, would you believe it, the spaces on the ruler were too far apart! I had to go back to my tent and pull out a smaller ruler. It was in the centimeter scale, I think and even that was too large. After about the fourth try, I finally got it but, still --
"Cheetara whispered her name and something about licking into his ear and -- it shrunk!
"'Ahhh!' I almost screamed, but then I whispered ‘Jagga' and it stirred. She noticed and said ‘Panthro' and ‘WileyKat.' But when she said ‘Tygra' --
"It turned out to be .3 --
"Oh, oh, my terminal says my connection's being re-routed. God damned Bill Gates and his cheep products. Delete everything I sent you, Benni, right away. I'll get to the bottom of this."
#8
"My Dearest Fan,
"Get out! get out! Out, out I say, for all the Jaggas stewing in hell. You can't join the group -- you can't read the stories -- and stay normal, uncorrupted by that mind-bending insanity.
"My bong, that group! That group of his and his perverts. They and their heretical tendencies. Strains of weirdness run through their blood. They watched me, studied me -- measured me -- for years. Oh, brooding eyes, staring unblinkingly from beyond the screens of countless televisions!
"Him -- I tell you, he is the Napoleon of evil, the organizer and enabler of half that is vile and all that is corrupt in this fandom. He is the spider that sits at the center of a web of weirdness that spans every corner of this made-up Universe. Warped and perverse, the man is the source of all of the ills that have befallen the fandom since the time of the dreaded fourth season. When lions roar and tigers cry, when panthers shrug and cheetahs die, it's he who paints the scene of pain -- it's he who laughs within my brain --
"I beg you, implore you -- I --
"He revels in my blood and in the blood of a thousand cut-up cats. He controls the ever-growing, ever-expanding circle of weirdos. He pulls their strings and makes them dance as if they were the mere puppets of his warped theatrics.
"You've only fed his ego with the stories you've written about him -- despite the torture. He enjoys it! And more so when he's at the center of attention. That's why he endorsed the works of Fianna and Chanur despite the humiliation they inflicted upon him in their fiction time and time again.
"Again, again -- I fall to my knees and ask --
"You have no idea how much I appreciated that story where I write that fanfic. Believe me, oh, believe me, I'd love to sit at the old typewriter one of these days, if just to set the record straight. But every time I near that instrument and see its keys I'm reminded how those self-same letters, deviously arranged, were used against me in the most horrific ways imaginable. And I'm afraid there's little you or I can do to turn around the general impression out there about ‘the character of [my] horizontal refreshments.' Yes, I've read the profile --
"By MummRa's BONG! Make me the hero, make me the ladies' man -- makes no difference -- although, I especially loved that part where I killed Liono. At last, by the bottomless pits of roasting snarves, I HAD THE POWER!
"Still, life just hasn't been going well for these silky stripes -- my addiction to Berbil fruit and aversion to hygiene has caused the loss of one tooth too many. My crumpled mattress attacks me all night long with springs stabbing my flesh. And do you have any idea how many bottles of aspirin I go through in a month? Between that and all of the alcohol, it's a wonder I've still got my original liver.
"Oh, I'm going to die -- be kind, please. And get out!”
#9
"My Dearest Littlest Tygra,
"I must do something, anything -- and I must do it now to squash these rumors before they're spread, before they're believed. Can you believe it? People out there think I'm, you know, that way. They think I'm, you know, like that. You know, I mean, you know, right? I don't have to say it aloud. Please, I don't want to say it aloud. Oh, unspeakable, unthinkable and about ME! How could it be, why could it be?
"My name, my clothes -- these aren't my colors, damn it, these asymmetric threads clash with my stripes. Jagga, you fiend! As if blowing up Thundera wasn't enough, you screwed us all beyond the grave! One, two minutes? How long did it take to hack these so-called uniforms together?
"My special, special tigie, let not your heart be troubled, because it's not true. Stop twitching! Stop it, I say! It's not true. Absolutely. I deny it, I suppress it -- I mean, I deny it. But still! Where did these stories come from?
"Is it something I do? Something I don't do? Just can't figure it out --
"Alright, so if I want to think I'm ‘normal', I better start acting normal. And FAST. What I need is a list of things to do and not to do. That's it, yeah. The dos and don'ts. That's it.
"First -- don't hang out with the boys so much. Hang out with the girls. Hmmm, that might be a bit awkward around WileyKit and, well, Cheetara -- and ‘parasites' nesting within her great, nameless void -- scare me to death. I guess I'll hang out in the village, errr, the Amazonian village, that is. Yes, they'll never suspect there's anything wrong with me hanging around a race of muscular, independent women.
"Second -- throw out the old and bring in the new clothes! Just say ‘no' to leotards that make my butt look monstrous. And they're so inconvenient when I need to, errr, pull it out. And there'll be a lot of pulling it out now that I'll be with all of those women. Yes -- I've got it. Short shorts. Tight short shorts, so it doesn't get in the way. Vest or shirtless -- both? Why not! Freedom is so manly.
"Third -- work on my body so I can be all buff. Liono came out of that pod like a feline god. And I swear Panthro gets bigger everyday. But these silky stripes need to work on it :( Now, if I had pictures of buff guys over my walls, it just might be the inspiration I need. The motivation I crave. Of course, yes! I must focus, stare and concentrate on those parts, those divine shapes that I lust for my own physique.
"Fourth -- a new, rubbery weapon. The leather bolo whip just makes my fur itch. A rubbery club that, like, grows in size the harder I squeeze it. I'll get to work on its design ASAP. What else -- ah! A personal vehicle transporter. Just like Panthro's got his Thunder Tank, I'll have my -- Tiger-Something. We never were creative name-wise. Anyway -- it'll be like the weapon -- like a matching-pair -- long, club-shaped and able to grow as I drive faster. It should have plenty of samophlanges along its length and two passenger pods cupped at the tail-end. Two round passenger pods -- yeah, for aerodynamics.
"Fifth -- I must use my architectural powers to erect objects of raw power. Obelisks and towers. Long things, nice long things. Big, nice long things. OH, NO!
"What the hell is going on? Why do I have an obsession with long things? Long things with rounded pods at one end, long things that grow bigger and longer the more it's used. Why do I want pictures of buff men? Why do I notice that Panthro gets bigger? Why do I drool at the mere site of naked Liono? By the eternal pits of flaming snarves, did I think skin-tight short shorts mixed with renewed Amazonian interest would be the key to stemming the tide of gay Tygra rumors?
"It's true, it's horribly true -- I am that way. Ride me, Panthro! Abuse me, Liono! What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Bengali and I must explode together; we must erupt with unbridled orgies. Careful, Tygra, careful -- if crazed madmen ever find this diary, if delusional fanatics happen across these stained, wrinkled pages, what will they say?
"Na! LOL! In this fandom? Na! Our fans are just too normal -- respectable -- to read my diary or make it public. I'm safe with you, yes I am, wittle wilting Tygwa!"
#10
"My Dear Little Tygra,
"By Jagga, I tell you I can't stand the Thunder Tank. How did he build such a lame-brain contraption, him, the master-engineer? What was he thinking -- or should I ask, with that was he thinking?
"When you enter it, the first thing that strikes you is the smell -- now, I've smelled a lot of things in my life (!) but I can't figure out just what that is. Considering the rest, though, I could imagine. The second thing that dismays you is the state of upholstery: the scrap junk rescued from the crash that hasn't been vacuumed since, since, hmmm. The third, major problem are the seats, either they're as tough as boards or stained with you-can-imagine-what.
"Wonder why he changes the suspension all the time? Or why Cheetara's always eager to go out with him? It isn't the wind in her hair, I'll give you that much. The noises I hear at night, coming from that thing --
"See, that's why he's not allowed to build stuff on his own anymore, now he has to get plans from me. (Thank the gods Liono is so gullible.) And you know what, Little Tygra, he's lucky he's got me around to keep him in line -- why, if left on his own, his machines are just plain overkill. Sure, they look impressive standing still, but in battle their too impractical. Try telling him that, but is it any wonder he makes them that exaggerated, look at him --
"Yes, look at Panthro, that hot, heaving chunk of flaming man-meat -- what? Um, did I write that?
"I didn't just say that aloud, did I? No, I don't have a 'thing' for Panthro, I don't care what that madman may write of it. I admire his, body, and nothing is wrong with a little appreciation. I tell you, there's nothing wrong with looking.
"Ah, that's right -- I learned this week what his latest up-grades to the Thunder Tank were. Can you believe it? He's put -- he's put sexual aides in the vehicle. Just under his seat are mechanical hoses and vibrators, next to the foot pedals are silicone hands that do you-can-imagine-what. No wonder he doesn't like it when Liono or I drive it. He's jealous of it, he thinks it's alive and that it really, literally, is his 'baby.' What-ever that means. I wouldn't be surprised if he put a pair of boobs under the hood."
Bonus: Tygra’s Profile
Tygra (Voice Actor: Peter Newman)
Thundercat, head of the Thundercat
Council
Thunderian, Bengal Tiger
Sex male
Age 28
Height 2.12m [6' 11"]
Weight 169kg [373lbs]
WEAPONRY-POWERS
bolo whip: - ability to start fires
- ability
to assume solid "shapes"
- ability
to turn its user(s) invisible
mental powers [illusionist]
TRAINING
architecture
medicine
science: - biology
- chemistry
- physics
-
engineering
EXPLOITS
designer - Cat's Lair [Third-Earth]
- Cat's
Lair [New Thundera]
- Tower of
Omens [Third-Earth]
inventor - Cat's Eyes
- Cat Suits
- Spring
Heels
- other
gadgetry and chemicals
WEAKNESSES-QUIRKS
hydrophobia [afraid of
water/swimming, except when invisible]
mental powers drain his strength
prone to addictions and fits of
irrational behavior
shy, reserved and possibly repressed
COMMENTARY
It was in "Thundercubs"
that Tygra confessed of his "shy" cub-hood, otherwise, we have very
little information about his formative years.
Of his adult-hood, we know he is reserved and reclusive -- and I dare
speculate repressed, but I concede that the term best fits a more emotional
than sexual complex.
What is hidden and suppressed
emerges invariably from time to time -- and especially when the conscious mind
is alleviated of its self-imposed inhibitions.
And so it is that under the influence of the Silky fruit and the key
stone that the innermost workings of Tygra's depraved subconscious were
exposed. The Silky fruit -- his first obsession -- in "The Garden of
Delights," sates his emotional needs -- not his creative needs -- and note
that his "redeemer," his "enabler," the Undead Egyptian,
MummRa (AKA "Silky") uses the power of the fruit to force him to
steal the Sword of Omens. The key stone
in "Crystal Canyon," reveals his displeasure -- even, one might say,
sneering disapproval -- of Liono's leadership, implying, as it were, that he
would be a better Lord of the Thundercats.
A pair of secondary "addictions" ought to be noted: in
"Turmagar the Tuskan," he is seduced by the song of a vampire mermaid
(and ventures into the water unafraid and visible) but in "Doom
Gaze," he alone among the Thundercat males is unaffected by Tashi's
feminine prowess.
Alas, poor Tygra, his insecurities
and foibles, legendary throughout the fandom, have inspired many to contemplate
the nature of his intimate leanings, to question the character of his
horizontal refreshments. Naturally, I
speak of the greatest controversy in the Thundercats Universe: the question of the red-tiger's sexuality.
What is the evidence of his
homosexuality? Or, better still, what is the proof of his heterosexuality? Distant and quiet, covert and secretive, we
can neither point to scenes of sudden epiphanies nor cite lines of uttered
facts, rumors. We are forced to sift
through accumulations of the subtle and the circumstantial; we are required to
read between the lines.
True that in one early episode
Tygra and Cheetara are late responding to Liono's distress call -- but is that
proof that they are an "item"?
The strength of the Tygra-Cheetara pair ultimately rests on the weakness
of the Liono-Cheetara pair -- and I, for one, can see the logic of putting
Liono and Cheetara together as it was the only "romance" actually
implied in the show. True, too, that he
spends much time in the Amazon Kingdom -- but is that proof of his
heterosexuality? Or does that not unequivocally and inescapably point to one
singular conclusion?
Myself -- as if it were impossible
to tell -- I see Tygra being of the "Athenian" persuasion. Can I
prove it? No. It is mere idle speculation. Any item of proof of his gayness can, with
suitable context, be twisted to prove his straightness. Nevertheless, I can
list six facts of interest:
1.
When he sees Liono for the first time on Third-Earth in
"Exodus," he quips: "What
a fine figure of a Thundercat."
NOTE: Liono, his body having
grown into he-man-like proportions, stands before Tygra almost naked.
2.
When MummRa has him under his spell in "Garden of Delights,"
he emerges from the mummy's sarcophagus.
NOTE: MummRa has a penchant for
female forms.
3.
He -- a male -- is comfortable, almost accepted, by the Amazonians. NOTE:
some see this as proof of his straightness, I see it as either
camaraderie between homosexuals or evidence of their common sexual interests.
4.
He was unaffected by Tashi's "Doom Gaze" that, we are led to
believe, has power over males.
Heterosexual males. NOTE: MummRa, too, is unaffected by the "Doom
Gaze."
5.
His "brother" remark to Bengali at the end of
"Thundercats, Ho!" NOTE: at no other time in the show does he call
anyone else brother or grasp someone so lovingly on the shoulder, as if
congratulating his mate for a "job well done."
6.
His close relationship with Panthro.
NOTE: Panthro, presumably older,
is apparently unattached and has no children.
Flimsy? Perhaps.
Definitive? Perhaps. The debate will never settle.
A complex figure of contradictory
impulses, Tygra remains a very popular character among fans of the
Thundercats. He has been the star of
many fanfics -- and has been known to survive quite a few more or less
intact. Websites, arts and one
discussion after the next have also inflated his ego beyond rational
proportions. When in possession of his
unparalleled faculties -- his scientific mind, his battle-rested wits and his
powers of illusion -- he is a force to be reckoned with. Loyal and just, faithful to the Thundercat
and devoted to the Code of Thundera, time and time again he plays pivotal roles
"saving the day."
-RD, snovelor@hotmail.com
EPISODES
Exodus
Fireballs of Castle Plundarr
Trouble with Time
FANFICS
(all stories can be found in
Cheezey's Thundercats Zone)
Bengali's Dream Come True by Jewel
Blue Pills by RD
Four Rivers by Axelle
Fruit of the Gods by RD
Fruit Nut by Purrsia
The Price by Seawitch
The Statue got me High by Purrsia
The Talented Mrs. Tygra by RD
That Which Springs Eternal by
Thundera Tiger
Tiger Eye by Makoto
Unfulfilled by Servali
Untitled by Tygra
REFERENCES
Cheezey's Thundercats Zone: http://www.cheezey.org/thundercats/tcat.html
Grune the Mighty: http://www.thunderwolf.org/grune.html
MummRa's Pyramid:
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Set/3331/index.html
Queen Cheetah's Domain: http://www.queencheetah.com/Thundercats/
Silvercat's Nitpicking Paradise: http://www.skatsthundercats.com/
Thundera Tiger's Domain:
http://www.angelfire.com/tv/thunderatiger/Main.htm
and the weird folks at the
TCATGR!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TCATGR/
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