"A Very Short Story"
By RD Rivero
In the vast jungles of Third Earth, in a dimly-lit restaurant, two authors conversed around a small table. Small, red candles were lit throughout the establishment, giving the large room a more intimate ambiance. A Berbil waiter approached them with dishes of food and drinks and set the items before the pair. A chicken breast in wine sauce with two Dr. Peppers for the man, a stuffed Snarf with water for the odd, talking tigress.
"My vivacious tigie," RD said, stroking her mane softly, feeling her muscles tense while she chewed the creature's severed arm bone, "you are so beautiful when you eat."
She smiled coyly.
"You are so sexy, my tiger - your seductive moves, your attentive stalking is irresistible. I cannot help but feel this lust, this hunger for you."
Her lashes fluttered. She purred - her stare transfixed on the ceiling where a wooden fan turned slowly in the shadows of the bamboo and straw roof. The blazing lights of hanging torches reflected wildly in her soft, water eyes. Her mesmerizing eyes.
"Eyes I could lose myself in forever."
"Oh, RD!" Thundera Tiger rubbed herself against him, "you make me feel like I'm the only tiger in the world."
He was about to speak but a sudden and unexpected disturbance from behind cut him off. The moment was lost and the two instinctively went back to eating their dinner. The other patrons in the restaurant giggle, laughed and murmured in loud conversations but the pair paid no head to the agitated atmosphere that surrounded them.
"Why must you work for Mumm-Ra?" she asked him.
"Hmmm," he sighed, sipping from a can, "when I first came aboard this fandom the cats just didn't accept me. I've always been a loner, though, I didn't mind. I know I will never be understood in my life time."
"Well, if you hadn't killed them -"
"I didn't begin by killing them."
"Of if you hadn't made them gay -"
"I didn't make them that way - until later."
"But the cats are good. Why wouldn't they accept you?"
RD put his empty can down on the table, visibly restraining himself from crushing it in his bare hands. "It's Liono and his Sword of Omens. God forbid you're more intelligent than he is. He can't handle being the idiot. Why do you think Tygra bit the silky fruit? To make himself look dumb -"
"That way Liono would accept him," the realization dawned on her face.
The ruckus of the yet unseen source of commotion drew nearer to the two authors.
"All the Thundercats have 'faults' just so that Liono looks good at the end. Even Lynxo - that man's not blind, he can see perfectly. Naturally, I didn't play his head games so I didn't fit in." He sat back on the wooden chair, pipe in his mouth. "But Mumm-Ra - he understood." He lit a match and puffed a lung-full of smoke.
Thundera Tiger was about to speak when the 'disturbance' made its way at last to their private booth.
"What in the name of -" she roared.
RD looked back to see.
The most incredible sight greeted them. Standing erect five feet high and no more than ten feet from the table, supported by a chair it had dragged from another booth, was, was - RD rubbed his eyes in disbelief. It consisted of two parts. The base was what appeared to be a muscular sac, coated with frizzled hairs red and black - the bulge contained two ellipsoid objects that acted as its 'feet.' The upper part was tubular in shape and not very long - its bare, vein-covered flesh ended in a hooded knob that resembled a head. It seemed to have a slit in there that acted as its mouth but it had no visible sight, hearing or smelling organs.
For a minute it just 'stood' there, if such was the word, bobbing its 'head' up and down, taking in the situation.
"Hello?" RD asked, confused.
"Are you RD Rivero?" it asked.
"I am - and you?"
"I'm Tygra's genitals."
A gasp bellowed through the stunned audience.
"You exist?!"
"Yeah, I exist and I have a bone to pick with you!"
The evil doer gulped, his pipe had fallen from this lips and crashed onto the floor.
"Why are you always saying bad things about me? Saying that I don't exist or that I'm small? Do I look small?" It arched its 'head' up. "As you can see, I am very big. Tygra and Bengali are proud of me and all the girls like me very much."
"OK," he answered. Thundera Tiger remained unusually silent.
"Cutting me off, shriveling me - it's not nice!"
"That's right, you meanie head," the tigress said, nudging his arm playfully.
"And you, too, Thundera Tiger! How can you say you don't care if sick, evil people like him abuse me? I thought you liked me!" It turned its 'face' away and seemed to sob.
"Of course I like you," she said. She got up and put her arm around it. "I think you're awesome!"
"Really?" it said, pointing itself to her, "you really mean that?"
"Of course I like you, you've always pleased me."
"You're so much nicer than him," it said, again, bobbing its head at the evil author. "I like it when people play nice."
"Let's go out and have some fun, big boy," she said, petting it.
"OK!"
Oddly, it seemed to have grown larger.
"We'll do dinner again, RD," the tigress said. She and Tygra's genitals lumbered out of the restaurant. A soft, romantic melody played in the distance.
RD wondered what his Dr. Peppers may have been laced with. He finished his dinner. The waiter came over the table to collect the plates and leave the bill.
"Wow, that was close!" RD stood, thinking about that close encounter.
He faced the doors. Suddenly and without prompt, the front entrance collapsed in a rain of broken glass and mangled wood. Two, large, tan-colored balls rolled into the establishment. The horrified onlookers screamed and ran out of the building.
The boulders, each six feet in diameter, came to a stop before the evil author. The faces that pointed at him were nudged with smaller, protruding, circular figures - one on each ball - that had it been any darker in the eatery he could have mistaken them for eyes. Nevertheless, a pair of 'eyes' did stare up at him.
"RD Rivero!" it spoke as one,
"we're WileyKit's breasts and we have something to say to you!"
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