Melissa [singing]: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale filled with fallacies, like teleporting Lunies across the galaxy...

Psikaris: Been watching 'Exile Isle' again?

Melissa: Yup.  Boy does THAT show need an overhaul.

Psikaris: So do it.

Melissa: See if I don't...

 

Just Sit Right Back...

 

                Psikaris and Alluro circled one another, green eyes flashing in anger.  This was no physical fight, though, but a shouting match.

 

                "You and your ridiculous telepathy beam!  That Vultureman is an incompetent fool, and you were no better to go along with him!" snapped Psikaris.

 

                "How were we to know that it would activate Cheetara's latent telekinetic abilities?" Alluro snarled in response.  "Could you have done any better?"

 

                "Certainly.  You need information Panthro has, so hypnotise it out of him!  Don't make him do the work for you, force him to teach you!  Or are you too lazy?"

 

                "Lazy!?  I've been working hard at plans and devices, and you have done nothing of use here!"

 

                "I count trying to fix the Ice Runner more important than killing those stupid Thundercats!"

 

                "Enough!" Luna, working as the mediator, shrieked.  "If neither of you have guessed yet, our objectives have shifted.  We don't want to kill the Thundercats; we want to get back to the Moons.  We say that we want to get to New Thundera, but that's only because the Moons were somehow dragged there."

 

                "But if we kill the Thundercats..."

 

                Luna let out a screech of frustration.  "Alluro, you are a total moron sometimes!  Mumm-ra got us out of the lava to kill the cats.  When they are dead, he doesn't need us any more.  We'll be sealed away again."

 

                "Luna's right," said Psikaris.  "Fixing our vehicles and making Skytomb spaceworthy are our main goals."

 

                "Well we've lost any work that Panthro did, thanks to Cheetara's little light show," grumbled Alluro.  "We'll either need to break into one of their bases and steal the schematics, or hijack one of their space vehicles to study."

 

                Luna considered that.  "It will be easier to take down one ship than to break into a base.  Alluro, Psikaris, you've got the technical skill, you're with me.  I'll see who's not on shift right now."  She sighed.  "With our resources this low, we can't afford to fly Skytomb beyond the Darkside.  We've got a long walk ahead of us."

 

* * *

 

                In the end, it was only Luna, Amok, Alluro, Psikaris, and Knave who got pulled along on Luna's little mission.  Everyone else had other duties.

 

                After hours of walking, Amok suddenly stopped.  "Thunderkittens," he grunted.

 

                The other Lunatacs stopped as well.  Sometimes Amok could pick up on their enemies even before Knave's half-cheetah sixth sense could detect them.  Alluro had tried to explain it once, how guardians are the most psychically active of all the Lunatac races, though it all goes into defence.  After a few minutes, the hypnotist's ears twitched.  "Amok is right.  There is someone coming this way."

 

                "Then we'll trade the Thunderkittens for the Thunderstrike," said Luna.  "Wait for my signal...  Get them!"

 

                For some insane reason, the kittens had a yellow robot dog with them.  Pointing at the Lunatacs, WilyKat said, "Go get 'em, Scooper!  Sic 'em!"  The dog just cowered.  "Scooper, do something!"

 

                Knave was the first to recover from the sight of the bizarre robot.  As the kittens turned to run, he spat ice, coating them both.  However, the robot dog was much more agile.

 

                "That contraption will probably warn the Thundercats!  Dammit, we've got enough problems without them having a plan!" yelled Luna.  "GET THAT DOG!"

 

                The ice/cheetah hybrid chased after it, but the robot suddenly took to the air, using its ears as propellers.  Knave spat more ice, but again missed.  "It's no good, Luna," he said, jogging back.  "We can only hope that the robot is as useless as it is cowardly."

 

* * *

 

                Psikaris had produced a flame-thrower from somewhere ( neither she nor Knave had the ability to shoot fire ), and had thawed the Thunderkittens.  If the Lunatacs had to walk, so did their captives.  It didn't make the Lunatacs any happier.  "I'm sick of walking," Knave griped.

 

                "Blame it on the Thundercats.  They've wiped out all our vehicles," Alluro replied shortly.

 

                "Even that goofy jet-pack," said Psikaris.

 

                "I liked the jet-pack..."

 

                "If you two start another argument," Luna interrupted, turning in her saddle to glare at the hypnotist and the ice/psi woman, "I'm going to make you re-freeze the kittens and carry them."

 

                "Er, what are you going to do with us?" asked WilyKit.

 

                "Make you mine Thundrillium," said Alluro, listing off the first thing he could think of.

 

                "Make you do Tug-Mug's laundry," snickered Psikaris.

 

                "Make stew," said Knave, flashing pointed teeth.

 

                "Don't be weird," snapped Luna.  To the kittens she said, "We're going to swap you for the Thunderstrike.  If the cats don't comply, we'll flip a coin or something to determine your fate."

 

                "The Thundercats will rescue us!" said WilyKat confidently.

 

                Luna turned back to face the path.  "Stupid kid.  Why do you say that?"

 

                "Look up."

 

                The Lunatac princess did, and screeched.  "The Thunderstrike!  The blasted dog must have warned them!  Stand your ground, Lunatacs!"

 

                As the Thunderstrike separated into three parts to attack, Knave jumped up a tree to spit ice at the nearest pod.  "Don't you dare damage that ship!" snapped Alluro from the ground.

 

                "You idiot!  I missed because of your distraction!"

 

                The Thunderkittens tried to sneak off in the confusion, and found their escape blocked by the strange Lunatac woman.  "Sorry, kids, but we can't let you escape."  Psikaris spat ice, again encasing the kittens.

 

                "We can't fight them while they're in the air!" shouted Luna, waving her riding crop in general frustration.  "We need to get them down!"

                Alluro cast his psyche club over the closest pod, bathing it in blue light.  "Give in, Thundercat," he intoned, uncertain which cat it was and even if he could be heard.  "You don't stand a chance against us.  You might as well give up now.  Land your pod and surrender to us, Thundercat."

 

                The main body of the Thunderstrike tried to shoot the psyche crystal out of the air, but it was too small a target.  After a few minutes, the blue-lit pod landed, and Panthro stepped out.  Knave jumped down from his perch and covered the Thundercat in ice.  Just as he was about to climb into the pod, though, a net dropped on him from the Thunderstrike.

 

                "Alluro, get that other pod down!  Psikaris, get Knave out of there!" ordered the Lunatac princess.

 

                "Aagh!  Luna!"  The Thunderstrike had switched targets from the psyche crystal to Alluro himself.  The hypnotist was covered by another net.  An annoyed screech from Psikaris seconds later showed she shared the same fate.

 

                The Thunderstrike hovered down just out of Amok's range, laser cannons obviously charged.  Luna took stock of her situation, sighed, and raised tiny hands in surrender.

 

* * *

 

                The Lunatacs soon found themselves in the Thundercats's council room, trapped in a force field.  The only bonus any could think of was that they got a ride there.

 

                Lion-O paced in front of the force field, with the other Thundercats standing behind him.  He said, "You Lunatacs refuse to live in peace and abide by the laws for the good of all.  Therefore we must punish you."  He turned to Lynx‑O.  "What is their sentence?"

 

                "There is only one humane sentence, for us and for them," said Lynx-O.  "Exile."

 

                "Whaaat!?" Luna screeched, bouncing in anger.  "How dare you try and accuse us like this!  If you had the slightest idea what our lives are actually like here on Third Earth, what we have to put up with!.."

 

                "Like smarmy Thundercats."

 

                "Knave, shut up!"  But Luna never got to finish her tirade.  Lion-O hit a button, and the Lunatacs disappeared.

 

* * *

 

                "Where are we?" asked Psikaris, getting to her feet.  "This is an asteroid?"

 

                "Artificial gravity and atmosphere, I'd guess.  This planetoid is too small to have any of its own," murmured Alluro.

 

                "I think I recognize a few constellations," said Luna, peering at the sky.  "The Third Earth ones."

 

                "If we could get our hands on the Thundercat transporter technology, we wouldn't need ships to return to the Moons," said Psikaris.

 

                "I don't think we're alone here," said Knave.  "There's a pile of junk or something by that volcano over there, and there's a shack of some sort right here," he said, pointing.

 

                Alluro twitched his ears towards the shack.  "There are voices within, and the sounds of metal on metal.  Perhaps this person can be of use to us."

 

                Luna urged Amok over to the shack and peered inside.  "So much for being useful."

 

                A robot pirate was whacking at a practice dummy with his sword, being cheered on by a robot parrot.  "Take that, arr, you scurvy cur!" said the pirate.

 

                "Right in the gizzard, awk!"

 

                Luna coughed deliberately, and the robot pirate turned around.  "What's this, guests?" he chuckled.  The Lunatacs filed in.

 

                "Who - or what - are you?" Luna demanded, flicking her riding crop.

 

                "Why, Captain Cracker, fearless fighter and all‑around good fella!" the robot told them, swinging his sword.  "And this is my parrot, Polly."

 

                "Awk, Polly!  Boink!"

 

                "He's a robot," said Knave.  "Why did they lock him away instead of just shutting him off?"

 

                "He's sentient," said Psikaris, looking slightly confused.  Why anyone would bother to make a robot pirate was beyond her.  "Shutting him off would be murder.  I think."

 

                Mildly insulted that he was being talked about like a mere object, Cracker posed and said, "I'm no mere robot, heep, I'm a famous pirate hereabouts."

 

                "Okay, Captain Cracker, is there any way off this rock?" Luna demanded.

 

                "No, none," Cracker said, shaking his head.  "Ships won't come near it, and there's no radio to communicate with anyone, heep."

 

                "Oh, we have a radio!" Luna replied with a smile, and pulled a small radio out of a pouch of Amok's saddle.

 

                Alluro gave his leader a look that said he considered her to be completely insane.  "Luna, that's a hand radio!  There is no possible way we can use that for interstellar communication!"

 

                "You said yourself that this asteroid must have artificial gravity," snapped Luna.  "While no four-star hotel, it's obvious whoever runs this place wants their captives to survive.  Which means that there has to be an access hatch to get to the gravity generator in case it breaks."

 

                "And perhaps there will be something down there we can use to enhance the radio signals," finished Alluro.

 

                "Arr, I don't know about that, mateys," said Cracker realizing that he was again being ignored.  "I've been, heep, over the whole of Exile Isle many times in my years here, and I've never found any sort of entrance."

 

                "No entrance, awk!"

 

                "What was all that junk out by the volcano?" asked Psikaris.

 

                "That was the bellows, girlie," Cracker said, pleased that someone was actually paying attention to him.  "This isle used to be the base of salvage pirates.  They'd pump the bellows, filling the air with ash.  We called it the Devil's Fog.  Ships wouldn't see the asteroid and would crash into it."

 

                "Is the volcano active?" asked Knave.

 

                Cracker shook his head.  "No.  This is by all rights a long-dead asteroid, heep.  It has no molton core."

 

                "But it used to, obviously, else there'd be no volcano," said Psikaris.

 

                "The logical place for the generator would be in the core of the planetoid, which is long devoid of lava, leaving a natural cave..." Alluro continued.

 

                "Cracker!" snapped Luna, "Have you ever explored the volcano?"

* * *

 

                "Luna!  Luna, I've found it!"  Luna and the others ran over to where Knave was standing knee-deep in ash.  "There's a door here, but it's locked."

 

                "So?" asked Luna.  Knave shrugged, blowing his killing breath on the door.  Amok smashed down the now-brittle portal.

 

                "Hmm, no alarms," murmured Alluro.  "Whoever built this place apparently never suspected anyone would find it."

 

                "Makes it easier on us," said Psikaris, following Luna and Cracker down the corridor.

 

* * *

 

                Alluro left the generator room to report to Luna.  "The good news is that there is sufficient equipment to boost our signals.  The bad news is that I haven't the slightest idea what good that will do us."

 

                "It's better than we had before," said Luna.  "Now go away and let me think."

 

                Knave got out of the way, allowing Alluro to get back to the signal array.  On the other side of the room, Psikaris and Cracker were looking at the gravitational generator itself.  "Let's see, the atmosphere is much denser than normal, keeping the heat in from the deteriorating radioactives..." the Lunatac woman muttered to herself.  There was no real reason for her to be inspecting the equipment; she was just curious.

 

                "Heep, arr, you seem pretty good with machines there, girlie," Cracker started.

 

                Psikaris looked the robot over.  "Yes.  I've been noticing that your joints and such aren't in the best order.  It's this dry atmosphere and heavy ash content.  I suppose I can do a few modifications when I can get the equipment."

 

                "I've a few ideas, see..."

 

                Knave and Alluro heard an indignant screech, followed by the sound of flesh striking metal.  Cracker limped away from Psikaris, clutching his cheek and throwing dark glances over his shoulder.  "The little hellcat slapped me!" he protested.

 

                "You had it coming!" Psikaris snapped over her shoulder, shaking her hand to take the sting off.  "Try that again and I will overhaul you into a toaster!"

 

                Suddenly, Exile Isle lurched as the artificial gravity fluctuated for a second.  "What's happening!" demanded Luna, barging in.

 

                "Sorry," Psikaris called back.  "I hit the wrong thing."

 

                "Yeah, me," grumbled Cracker.

 

                Ignoring Cracker, Luna said, "I think I've got an idea how we can get off of this rock..."

 

* * *

 

                "Can anyone hear us?  Anyone at all?  Please help!"

 

                "This is the space tanker Zlam-Queen.  Where are you?"

 

                "My coordinates are 0‑6‑8‑9er."

 

                "That's Exile Isle!"

 

                "I know; I'm part of the maintenance crew.  The gravity generator is fluctuating wildly, and we weren't prepared.  We don't have the parts to fix it!  Please hurry!"

 

                "Hang on, we're coming."

 

* * *

 

                "There," Luna chuckled.  "The space tanker will land to help, and we'll take it.  No problem."

 

                "We'll need to lure the crew out somehow," said Knave.

 

                "Psikaris was the one on the radio, they will expect her," said Alluro.  "I can continue the feed of false information to the ship."

 

                "That will never work," said Luna, "She's too obviously Lunatac.  Maybe Knave could pass himself off as Thunderan..."

 

                "I could..." Psikaris started.  Luna looked over, curious.

 

                "Psikaris?" asked Alluro, the unspoken question being, are you sure you want to give this away?

 

                "What choice do we have?"  Turning to the princess, Psikaris said, "Luna, I am a shapeshifter.  I could be whatever the space tanker pilots expect."

 

                Cracker spoke up.  "Heep, it was the Tellurians that made this island."

 

                "Olamehin," muttered Luna.  "Human.  Do it."

 

* * *

 

                "Over here!"

 

                The Zlam-Queen's pilots got out and went to the young human woman at the edge of the volcano.  She was tall, blonde, dark-skinned, and wore beige coveralls.  She looked at the two aliens, mildly worried.  "There's only two of you?"

 

                "Yes," said the male alien.  "What parts do you need?"

 

                The female alien was encased in ice before a raspy voice behind them hissed, "Your whole ship."

 

                "Does your ship have escape pods?" asked Psikaris.  "Yes?  Take one.  Your co-pilot will thaw soon enough."

 

                Knave carried the ice statue as Psikaris led the male alien to the Zlam-Queen's escape pods.  Watching the tiny craft take off, Knave grumbled, "Did you have to let them go?"

 

                "They are no danger to us," replied Psikaris, reverting to her natural, blue-skinned form.  "Now go get the others.  I need to figure out how to work this ship."

 

* * *

 

                "Luna, I've been looking over the ship's inventory, and we had rather a close call."

 

                The Lunatac princess looked over at Alluro.  "Why?  What is it?"

 

                Alluro handed her a computer pad.  "The cargo of this ship is zlam gas."

 

                Luna screeched and thwacked the nearby Captain Cracker with her riding crop.  "Aaai!  It's a good thing we didn't do it your way!  Devil's Fog, indeed!  If the ship had crashed, the hull to the cargo bay might have ruptured, and the zlam gas would have ignited the atmosphere!"

 

                "Arr, how was I supposed to know the ship's cargo?" grumbled Cracker.

                "Awk!" agreed Polly.

 

                "This stuff is too dangerous to keep around," Alluro said, taking back the computer pad.  "I vote we vent it into Exile Isle's atmosphere once we're clear.  Let the rock go up in a fireball."

 

                "Not so fast, Alluro," said Luna.  "I want you and Knave to go back into the core and take any parts from the gravity generator that may be useful to us.  Cracker and Amok can help you carry things."

 

                "We won't have much time once the generator is off-line.  Not only will we lose gravity, the atmosphere will also dissipate," Alluro argued.

 

                "Leave the generator, then.  There was plenty of other stuff in that control room."

 

* * *

 

                Several hours later, Psikaris and Luna were waiting outside the ship.  Oddly, Luna had decided that she could send Amok to fetch and carry on his own.  This time, Luna called her steed over.  "Pick me up, Amok.  We're ready to go."

 

                "Fortunately, the computer system on this ship is very basic.  I can pilot it back to Third Earth," said Psikaris.

 

                "I think that's all the interesting equipment from the control room, save the gravity generator," said Alluro, setting down a few odd pieces of machinery.

 

                "Then it's good-bye, Exile Isle, hello, Third Earth!" crowed Luna, leading the others onto the ship.  One of the monitors suddenly started chirping.  Alluro checked it.

 

                "Luna!" called the hypnotist, "On the sensors!  It's the Feliner!"

 

                "That was fast," grumbled Luna, urging Amok over to the station.  "Those alien pilots must have been picked up quickly," - here she glared at Psikaris - "At least it means that Third Earth is mere hours away."

 

                "There's no way this tanker could out-manoeuvre the Thundercats' ship," said Psikaris.

 

                "If we're caught, heep, we'll be sent somewhere tighter than Exile Isle!" wailed Cracker.

 

                "If we jettison the zlam gas as we take off, could we make it look like we were destroyed?" asked Luna.

 

                "Maybe," Alluro said.  "There would be metal wreckage from the gravity generator."

 

                "Could we lure the cats closer and get then caught in the explosion?" asked Knave.

 

                "Ooh, I like that even better," said Luna, tapping her riding crop against her hand.  "Alluro, as soon as we hit the upper atmosphere, vent the zlam gas.  Psikaris, as soon as Alluro starts to vent the gas, jump to light speed.  But wait here on the ground until I give the signal.  And give me a few phoney power fluctuations."

 

                The Feliner seemed to find nothing to fear about a half-derelict space tanker, and obligingly landed.  "Now, Psikaris!" ordered Luna.  The Zlam-Queen dropped its pretence of damage and rose slowly into the sky.

 

                "Arr, the cats have realized our deception!" called Cracker from Alluro's now-deserted monitoring station.  The Feliner started the strange light bridge that signalled it was about to take off.

 

                "Aargh!  Forget about the upper atmosphere!  Alluro, vent the zlam gas now!"

 

                Psikaris patched in the faster-than-light drive as Exile Isle's atmosphere started to burn.  Behind them, the small planetoid's atmosphere went off in a fireball.  The gravity generator, unable to handle this new stress, exploded.  "Yes!" crowed Luna happily, "With any luck, those blasted Thundercats are either destroyed or too damaged to chase us!  Psikaris, take us back to Skytomb!"

 

                "Arr, so me and Polly finally get to see this Third Earth which we've heard so much about, do we?" asked Cracker.

 

                Luna smiled at the pirate.  "Nope."

 

                Cracker yelled in protest as Amok grabbed him and Knave snatched Polly out of the air.  "Arr, mutinous Lunatacs!"

 

                "Boink!  Mutinous Lunatacs, awk!  Awww!" Polly trailed off as its beak was iced shut.

 

                "There were two escape pods," said Knave conversationally.  "The original pilots fit into one.  Of course, a robot wouldn't need one..."

 

                "No, no," said Luna, "We'll be nice, just this once, because Captain Cracker was so very helpful to us."

 

                As Luna, Amok, and Knave carted off the robots, Alluro raised a curious eyebrow at Psikaris.  "I'm surprised you haven't protested that we are being unfair to the Captain."

 

                The ice/psi hybrid favoured the hypnotist with a feral grin.  "After that pick-up line back in Exile Isle's control room, I'm the one who suggested jettisoning him."

 

* * *

 

                "Horribly primitive design, but I suppose it can be expanded upon."  It was several days later, and the Zlam-Queen was scattered throughout Skytomb's hangar.  Alluro perched on what had been a thruster, and tapped it with a wrench.

 

                "Maybe," said Psikaris, inspecting the engine.  "But we burnt out the stupid thing by going that fast for that long.  Primitive, slow-loading junker!"

 

                Mystan was also inspecting the parts of the space tanker.  He jumped - likely with a telekinetic boost - to land beside Alluro.  "Then we shall just have to... borrow a vehicle or some schematics from the Thundercats."

 

 

The End.

 

Psikaris: Nice, even if that moron robot pirate did try to pick me up.

Melissa: I may regret this, but what did he say, exactly?

Psikaris: It doesn't bear repeating.

Melissa: Next issue, the Lunie gang decides to swipe the schematics for the Thundercats' space vehicles, and we bid farewell to any sort of continuity with the show.

 

 

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