"Well," said the balding alien...

Alluro: Hey!

Melissa: You had it coming.

... "Red-Eye got a job in airport security in Connecticut, Tug-Mug was supposed to be an extra on 'Muppets Tonight', but he tried to kill the prawn..."

"What about Chilla?" asked Melissa. "I like Chilla."

Alluro: You would. Wait, I was supposed to be talking to Danai in this story.

Melissa: Too bad.

Alluro chuckled at that. "She got an offer from 'Smurfs', but when she found out she was actually supposed to be a Smurf, she killed them all in disgust."

"YEAH! Go Chilla!" Composing herself she asked, "But what about you and Luna? As far as I know, you hang around Skytomb all the time."

Alluro: Oh, no you don't. Let me handle this. I owe it to Luna...

"Luna doesn't need a job," explained the ever-so-charming hypnotist, "Since she's royalty, her family pays her to stay on Earth. She spends all day sitting around, watching soaps, and eating bon-bons. As for me, I've grown rather attached to Skytomb...

( Melissa pushes Alluro aside. )

... "And since I'm with Luna, I don't need to work. For kicks I fly out to the Midwestern United States and make crop circles. Sometimes I convince people they saw Elvis."

Alluro: I am not that lame! Give me that!

"Really?" asked Melissa, enraptured merely by being in the presence of the Lunatac.

Melissa: I'm going to be sick, Alluro.

Alluro: Oh, hush. We all know you go for guys with long hair.

Melissa: Human guys.

"No," said Alluro. "I said that merely as a joke. Really what I do is crash high-social functions, where gorgeous starlets decide that they would like to do nothing more than...

Melissa: Ahem.

... "Play some serious chess. Raises your I.Q., don't you know?"

"How fascinating," said Melissa, gazing rapturously at the hypnotist. "But why are you hanging around here, instead of attending high-social functions?"

"There was a power surge and it burnt out the T.V. I couldn't fix it before As The Third Earth Turns. Luna threw a hissy fit and Amok threw me out of Skytomb." He sighed. "She won't calm down for a week at least."

"How wonderful," Melissa said, "Then you...

Melissa: Shove over.

... "Get to sleep on the couch. You're lucky my parents are so laid-back about which friends I take home." She shrugged. "You know the house rules by now: Take off your shoes in the house, no hogging the computer..."

"And no hypnotising the cat. I know, I know." He swung his feet off the chair, and sat resting his elbows on his knees. "It's been awhile. What is there to do in Toronto?"

"Well, Hallowe'en is coming up in a couple days, and there's always a great party at the Adytum. The Band are friends of mine. They're vampires, if you think you can handle that."

Alluro snorted. "Of course."

Alluro: Shameless promotion of 'Adisokan'.

Melissa: And how!

"I was thinking of just dressing general Fantasy Novel; leather vests and all that. You could go as yourself."

"Ha ha," said Alluro. "I'll come up with something."

Alluro: I will indeed. ( Cat starts banging on the window. ) The cat wants in.

Melissa: Yeah, yeah.

Alluro: Mwahaha! The computer is mine!

Hallowe'en came around. Alluro, wanting to surprise Melissa with his exceedingly clever costume, said he'd meet her at the club. Melissa assumed she could find him, Alluro being a six-foot-four alien and all.

At the Adytum, Melissa was sitting at the sidelines. The Adytum Band were friends of hers, but they were performing right now. It was just the core band; Bloodhound doing vocals and keyboards, Gabe on guitar, and Monique on the drums. Sometimes they had other musicians, but not tonight.

The song ended, and Monique started a drum roll. From somewhere, an instantly recognisable voice boomed, "Insolent boy, this slave of fashion..."

Melissa knew this piece of music well, and scanned the club for the singer. She located him in the stage scaffolding, above and to the right of Bloodhound. The song continued, "... basking in your glory. Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor..."

Melissa: Hold this. ( Hands Alluro the cat. )

"Makataeshigun!" she swore, "What does that idiot think he's doing!?"

"Sharing in my triumph!" continued the singer.

Deciding that her friend needed to be taken down a couple notches, she leapt to the stage and continued, "Angel of Music, you're a show-off. How dare you hog the spot-light? Angel, sit down, this isn't funny. Don't try to mess up my night."

Alluro: Hey!

"Melissa, don't ruin my number. I planned this some days ago. I am the better singer, as well you know!"

Melissa: Move it.

"Angel of Music, what an ego! Black is not your colour. Angel of Music, oh, Alluro, you make a strange Angel!"

The Phantom, a tall fellow with long gray hair swung down from the scaffolding, and stalked across the stage to the female singer. Melissa waited for him, arms crossed. "Nice outfit, Alluro," she said, "Who'd you really have lined up as Christine?"

A chuckle from the back of the stage answered. "I was," said Monique. The dark-skinned vampiress tossed her hair and continued, "Though I don't really like singing lead."

"He did call us four days ago," added Gabe.

"Though I rather liked it," said Bloodhound. "Shall we continue?"

Alluro: Very cute. This is my story. Gimme.

Alluro glared down at Melissa. "You're on."

The two performers slowly circled each other, as if stalking. The rest of the crowd seemed to enjoy the show; the Phantom was dressed right with his black opera cape, hat, and dress suit, though under it his features were decidedly alien. The Christine was a brown-haired human female, but she was dressed like an elven warrior.

The Band struck up the first chords of the Overture, and the battle was on.

Melissa's part was first:

On stage he sang to me,

At the masked ball.

His voice it calls to me

With psychic thrall.

Of course I know his scheme;

He thinks me blind!

The Phantom of the Opera is there,

Inside my mind.

Sing once again with me

Our strange duet.

My power over you

Grows stronger yet.

And though you resist my

Hypnotic bind

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind.

Melissa:

Those who have seen your face

Draw back in fear.

This crowd belongs to me...

Alluro:

It's me they hear.

Both:

Your/my powers and my/your voice

In one combined.

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside their mind.

Alluro:

In all your fantasies

You always knew

That man and mystery

Melissa:

Were not in you.

So to our audience

You've been too kind.

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind.

Alluro:

Sing, my Angel of Music.

Melissa:

He's there, the Phantom of the Opera...

Alluro:

Sing for me...

Melissa reached the note, but the next one set her into a fit of coughing. "Never could hit that note," she said once she got her breath back.

The Lunatac chortled. "Does this mean I win?"

"Only if you hit the high note."

Alluro: My turn.

Though Melissa's voice gave out several seconds ago, the note sounded in the air, clear and perfect. The Adytum Band stopped their instruments, and still the music played. Bloodhound's ears twitched. "What the heck is causing that? Gabe?"

"I think I've heard this before," murmured Alluro. "It kind of sounds like..."

Melissa finished the sentence, "The monotonous piping of a daemonic flute held in nameless paws?"

"Yes! That's... oh, drat."

The piping pitched higher. The Adytum Band covered their inhumanly sensitive ears against it. When the whine droned almost too high for human ears to stand, it stopped abruptly. By now, most people had fled the club, leaving Alluro, Melissa, and the Band. Bloodhound shook his head. "Man, that was some serious feedback."

Alluro's psychic abilities may have been developed for hypnotism, but they still gave him an edge on extrasensory perception. "It's not gone," said the Lunatac, removing his mask to expose devilishly handsome features...

Melissa: I suppose you count as 'devilishly handsome'...

Alluro: A rare compliment! I thank you.

Melissa: ... You got the horns for it.

Alluro: Harumph.

... "Whatever it was is still here."

Melissa, being a rash and silly girl, stepped to the front of the stage and demanded, "All right, whatever you are. Show yourself!"

The answer was more piping, then a voice almost - but not quite - as flowing and modulated as Alluro's said, "You called to me. I am the Angel of Music."

"I think they were referring to one another," said Bloodhound, looking around for the speaker. This wasn't easy. The sound came from everywhere.

"I am the Angel of Music," it repeated. "I am Tru'nembra, and I search the curved space."

"I don't like the sound of this," murmured Alluro.

"For what?" asked Gabe.

"I seek musicians to take to the Court of Azathoth, where they may play for all eternity."

Monique looked puzzled at the horrified expressions on the human and Lunatac's faces. "We're already playing for all eternity," she said. "What's so bad about a new venue?"

"Azathoth is chief god of the Old Ones," said Melissa. When Monique still looked confused, she added, "Bad-news other-dimensional alien critters."

"We aren't that good," said Alluro, ever the modest Lunatac.

Melissa: 'Meanwhile, Melissa collapses laughing.' Give me that.

"Yeah," said Bloodhound, "We're really good, but there's lots better. And we've been playing for years. Why now?"

"Yeah," said Melissa, "and Alluro's probably been singing in the shower for years..."

( Alluro snatches the keyboard away. )

... "Judging by the wonderful quality of his voice," she finished.

"I was called," rumbled Tru'nembra.

Melissa: Move over, Alluro. I'm the one who knows the Lovecrafties.

Melissa thought this over. "I think I understand what happened. Tru'nembra was attracted by the combination of the Adytum Band's skill, our spontaneously creative lyrics, plus the fact that Alluro was putting a lot of power into trying to hypnotise me and the crowd. The song choice was likely just the icing on the cake."

"You will come now," Tru'nembra commanded. There was a chord, and the room started to swirl.

Melissa: Here you go. Your story, after all.

Alluro: Sure. Leave me hanging.

"What do we do now?" Melissa asked fearfully, attempting to hide behind the tall, brave,..

Melissa: Egotistical...

... hypnotist, even though it wouldn't help against an Old One.

"I'll get us out of this," Alluro said confidently. "After all, I have faced the Old Ones before."

Alluro: No thanks to Danai.

Melissa: Admit it, you loved PartyMartian's Thundercat Stories. You got Chilla, after all.

Alluro: Sure, and I'm paying for it in real life. Anyway...

"Maybe if we sing badly, he'll go away," said Alluro.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever..."

Melissa: Er, isn't Tru'nembra listening in on your plans?

Alluro: He left when the portal started.

Melissa: Of course.

The tall, comely psychic immediately took charge. "We may not have to go that route. Melissa, you said that it was in part the lyrics of the song that pulled Tru'nembra here. Can we do the same thing like a banishment spell?"

"Maybe."

"We have to try," said Alluro bravely. "Quickly, Bloodhound, give us another duet!"

The volkodlak thought for a few seconds and said, "Er, the B-52's 'Loveshack'."

Melissa: [snorts] 'Loveshack'? Sure I like the song, but...

Alluro: Play the game.

The walls were starting to fade. "Do it!"

If you see a faded sign on the side of the store that says

'Yes we have some...

Melissa:

I'm headin' down the Pacific south way, looking for lost R'leyh.

Alluro:

I got me the Ship, and we're looking for tales; we're looking for R'leyh In Lovecraft.

I've got me the White Ship and as I've said

Melissa:

Old Lovecraft was a Providence man who wrote some really weird stuff.

Alluro:

Sign says 'Stay away fools. Cthulhu rules in Lovecraft.'

Melissa:

Well, it's set way back in the mid-1930's

Lovecraft was no hack, but cut him some slack.

Cyclopian Kadath

Cyclopian Nargai

Cyclopian Yuggoth

Cyclopian R'lyeh

Old Lovecraft was a Providence man who wrote some really weird stuff.

Alluro:

Whistlin' and a pipin', dancin' and a floppin', Azathoth's people

They don't know nothin!

They all just shimmy to music weird and tinny! Azathoth's a ninny

And all he does is watch them go 'round and around and around and around.

Melissa:

Whateley's really hoofin'. Yog-Sothoth is stewin', is he?

Alluro:

Dog's on his tail; he'd better not slow down.

Melissa:

Whippoorwills start hootin'. Whateley's lost his footin', has he?

Alluro:

It's in Lovecraft! It's all in Lovecraft!

Hop in the White Ship and come join this tale; we're about to set sail!

I've got me the Ship, and as I've said

We're looking for that which is not dead.

Melissa:

Alluro:

Melissa:

Alluro:

I can't hear you.

Say what?...

Melissa:

Tekeli-li!

Lovecraft, H.P. Lovecraft!

Alluro:

Lovecraft, it's in Lovecraft.

Whistlin' and a pipin', dancin' and a floppin': it's in Lovecraft.

Bloodhound wiped a hand across his forehead. "Well, that was simply..."

Alluro: Awful.

Melissa: Hey, this was your idea.

Suddenly, the room snapped back into focus, and the annoyed voice of Tru'nembra returned. "What was all that noise!?"

"'Improv Night at the Adytum'," smirked Alluro, somehow making his already wonderful features even more attractive.

Tru'nembra screeched in agony. Alluro continued with a different song. "Try the 'Nyarlathotep Strut' on for size, creature:

Haunter trapped in the Trapezohedron.

He can't escape until the light is gone.

He's stuck waitin', but he don't care -

Blake'll be along to release him out of there.

Nyarlathotep - Azathoth's right hand.

Known and feared throughout Earth's Dreamland.

Carter had escaped from the Black Pharaoh man...

Carter had escaped, but I doubt you can..."

"Or the 'Azathoth Dance': You can dance if you want to, if you don't then there's a toll. 'Cause if you don't dance, yes if you don't dance, well, you'll be eaten whole..."

Alluro laughed. "Worse, a song about Great Cthulhu to the tune of 'The Love Cats':

Cthulhu is the High Priest of the alien Great Old Ones.

He sends out reams of psychic dreams of his evil schemes to everyone.

He sleeps all the day under drowned R'lyeh getting bigger and meaner and madder and badder.

His cultists dance and scream all night while Deep Ones pray to lost R'lyeh.

Under the sea, Cthulhu he waits for his sleep to end.

With a final scream of agony, the aura of Tru'nembra vanished and reality reasserted itself. The Band members exchanged high-fives with Alluro and Melissa. "That was some god-awful singing there, guys," snickered Bloodhound. "Nice work."

Alluro: Until next time you and Danai try to kill me.