WILY KAT’S SHOW
(Camera starts on studio audience and pans across until we see Wily Kat standing on stage in front of a sign with his name on it.)
Wily Kat: Welcome everyone to another edition of Wily Kat’s Show. Today we examine the complicated happenings of a super villain team. Let’s bring out our first guests Luna and Amok.
(Luna, riding Amok, emerges from behind a curtain. Amok stops beside a chair.)
Wily Kat: So, princess Luna. Tell us about your relationship with the Lunataks.
Luna: Well, Wily Kat, it’s quite simple. I am their boss. I give them orders and they obey.
Amok: Or Amok smash.
Luna: Precisely.
Wily Kat: Do you have any favorite Lunataks?
Luna: Come closer so I can smack you for asking such a stupid question. Of course I have no favorites. I hate all of them.
Wily Kat: Fascinating. Let’s bring out some of her troops. Red Eye and Tug Mug!
(Red Eye and Tug Mug emerge, Red Eye smiling and waving, Tug Mug eating donuts.)
Wily Kat: Welcome to the show you two.
Red Eye: It’s our pleasure to be here.
Tug Mug: No it isn’t. There isn’t enough food in the guest rooms. I had to order three pizzas just to get rid of my pre-show hunger.
Luna: Stop eating you fool.
Tug Mug: You can’t talk to me like that! Taste gravity carbine Luna!
(Amok grabs Tug Mug by the neck. Wily Kat tries getting between them)
Wily Kat: Easy there. Save the hostilities for your enemies.
Luna: Like the Thundercats?
Wily Kat: Yes, I mean no!
Luna: Drop him Amok, he’s not worth it.
Wily Kat: All right then. Tug Mug. Maybe you could tell us what your role with the Lunataks is.
Tug Mug: It’s quite easy. I do guard duty.
Luna: Very poorly at that.
Tug Mug: Oh, and you’re such a great leader, huh?
Luna: How dare you speak to me like that.
Wily Kat: Please, let’s not get violent.
Luna: And why shouldn’t we?
Tug Mug: If I want to make Luna eat gravity carbine I should be able to.
Wily Kat: Maybe later. Right now we have another guest to speak to. Red Eye, tell us a little about what you do.
Red Eye: Well, my purpose is to stand in the observation area and keep a look out for the Thundercats. I also serve the function of finding Tygra when he’s invisible.
Tug Mug: For all the good that does. You still get beaten by him.
Red Eye: Oh yeah? I’ve never seen you beat him. At least I got him in "The Telepathy Beam"
Tug Mug: Oh big whoop. I got him too in that episode, or at least we made Cheetara think I did.
Red Eye: You wanna go you fat piece of goo?
Tug Mug: Any time four eyes!
(Tug Mug and Red Eye lunge at each other. The security staff leaps into action pulling the combatants apart).
Wily Kat: Easy there. I believe that there are still three more Lunataks, so let’s get this out of the way and bring them all out. Chilla, Alluro and Knave.
(The three Lunataks emerge from behind the curtain and take their assigned seats.)
Wily Kat: Alluro, you’re the inventor of the team. Does this make you the brains as well?
Luna: Are you kidding? Alluro couldn’t think he’s way out of a paper bag. I’m the brains.
Alluro: Right. You’re only the leader because you’ve got Amok. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does other favors for you at night.
Luna: Just like you want Chilla to do to you, right?
Alluro: Right.
Chilla: You want me to **** you?
Wily Kat: Hey, watch the language Chilla.
Knave: Alluro won’t have to, once I’m done with the ****ing pig!
(Knave grabs Alluro by the hair and begins hitting him repeatedly. The Thundercat security separates them.)
Alluro: Lucky shot, punk.
Knave: I could do it again with my eyes closed.
Alluro: Prove it.
(Knave closes his eyes and breathes a sheet of ice over Alluro, hitting Tug Mug as well)
Tug Mug: You idiot. You covered me with ice. You’re going down!
(Tug Mug fires his gravity carbine, causing Knave to rise into the air).
Wily Kat: Settle down gang. Tug Mug, would you please set Knave down?
Tug Mug: Only once this ice is gone.
Chilla: Oh, I’ll do it.
(Chilla unfreezes Tug Mug, who promptly lowers Knave to the ground.)
Knave: Good. Now I can skin the little pig.
(Knave jumps on Tug Mug but is pulled away by the Thundercats.)
Wily Kat: Now Knave, you obviously are restless and have something to say. The floor is yours. Tell us about your relationship to the Lunataks.
Knave: I only just recently joined but I’ve known Chilla all my life. We’re half-siblings after all. Anyway then I learn that Alluro is hitting on her even though she keeps turning him down. So I tell him to lay off. But do you think he does? No. The little ***hole just keeps doing it.
Alluro: You’re just jealous because you want her for yourself, you incestuous *******!
Chilla: How dare you insult my family. I’m not going to sit idly and listen to this. Why don’t you cool it for a while?
(Chilla covers Alluro in more ice.)
Luna: Stop that, all three of you. I will not have our moment on television ruined by your petty bickering.
Wily Kat: I believe we have a question in the audience.
Man #1: Yo Alluro, mister hot shot, why don’t you take over the Lunataks with your mighty psyche club?
Luna: It’s quite simple. Alluro’s powers don’t work on Amok, so if he tries anything.
Amok: Amok smash good.
Luna: My point exactly.
Woman #1: Hey Chilla. What’s this I hear about you and some guy named Psychro? You two get hitched or what?
Chilla: Don’t even mention that name with mine. Psychro was an arrogant pig who wanted nothing more than to get me in the sack.
Knave: Much like certain hypnotists I know.
Alluro: If I weren’t stuck in ice I’d come over there and beat you into tomorrow.
Knave: Don’t let that stop you.
(Knave removes the ice. Alluro picks up his chair and throws it at Knave, missing and hitting Red Eye instead.)
Red Eye: Watch you’re doing you b***h!
Alluro: Make me.
Red Eye: I hope you like a missile diet. Cuz here they come.
(Red Eye fires several missiles at Alluro, who ducks out of the way.)
Wily Kat: Stop that. Now! We’ve still got some questions from the audience.
Woman #2: Tug Mug, is it true that you’re really a cross dresser?
Tug Mug: What? I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. Who are you?
Woman #2: Your cross-dressing boyfriend, helping you to come out of the closet.
Tug Mug: Jackson? No, it can’t be you. I thought you were still in Vegas.
Jackson: Nope. I heard you were on the Wily Kat show and had to come see. You left your bra in my apartment last time.
Wily Kat: Wow. What a development. Any replies Tug Mug.
Tug Mug: No. I’ve got nothing to say.
Red Eye: So that’s why you asked me to that costume party and told me to dress up as Cinderella.
Tug Mug: You idiot. You’re not supposed to tell anyone.
(Tug Mug grapples with Red Eye. Jackson gets involved smacking Red Eye with his/her purse.)
Crowd: Wily Kat, Wily Kat, Wily Kat!
Wily Kat: Please. Stop this at once. Act like civilized people.
Luna: Them, civilized? Don’t make me laugh.
Wily Kat: Well, that’s all we’ve got time for today. Just remember that team work is a valuable part of life. If you can’t trust those you work with, you can’t trust anyone. Until next week I’m Wily Kat. Good night.
Panthro: Tune in next week when we invite the Mutants to discuss their relationship with Mumm-Ra, and boy is it steamy.
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