Hello. My name is Jackalman, and I’m one of Third Earth’s fearsome mutants. I can’t begin to tell you how many times people come up to me and ask "What do you mutants do all day except for be beaten around by the Thundercats?" Well, my first response is to usually hit the person in question (unless they’re bigger than me in which case I politely shrug.) At long last I finally decided to take a journal along with me so that I can tell all you good people to read this book. Just make sure you send me lots of money in return for it. If you order now, I’ll even throw in some genuine hair from Monkian. Anyway. Onto my log. This takes place shortly after that little story in which Peregrine joins us and those wretched Thundercats gain a new ally in Black Claw.

6:04 a.m.: Wakened by the sounds of two mutants fighting in the halls (a Reptile and Monkey of course). Can’t these stupid creatures get along? You’d never find a Jackal doing something like that! Oh well. Since I’m up, I might as well go get some breakfast.

6:09 a.m.: Get changed and start heading downstairs. Have to avoid all the excrement and vomit left behind by, naturally, the Monkeys.

6:21 a.m.: Some dumb Reptile bumps into me. Naturally a fight breaks out as my fellow Jackals rush to my aid, both of them.

6:22 a.m.: Four Reptiles lumber in to help their friend. The three of us scatter.

6:46 a.m.: I think it’s safe to come out of hiding. Now I continue down to get breakfast.

7:01 a.m.: I’m at the head of the line, most of the others are annoyed because I’m writing while ordering my food. The food here is basically the same. Slop. Just a question of what color you want. I chose green today.

7:02 a.m.: Find a seat with Vultureman and three other mutants. Their names aren’t important. Vultureman asks what I’m doing and laughs when I tell him. He says he’s working on an invention. I’m hoping it makes better food.

8:09 a.m.: Finally get back to my room. Think I’ll try and get some more sleep before I pass out from exhaustion.

8:12 a.m.: Slythe wakes me up, saying that there’s an important meeting I have to attend. Stupid Slythe. Now I know why the Thundercats always win. We mutants don’t get enough sleep. Maybe I should mention that to Slythe. Nah, he’d probably tell me to shut up and hurry up.

8:32 a.m.: Slythe’s big important meeting. Vultureman is late as usual. The usual issues come up. Lack of food, lack of water, lack of sanitation. Then we move onto what Slythe terms "the more important work, yesss?" Wish he’d stop doing that.

9:56 a.m.: Slythe gets to the important work. He’s planning a raid on the warrior maidens. Been there, done that, been beaten by them. I thought briefly about telling him it wouldn’t work, but thought better of it. What do I know after all? I just command the Jackals.

10:23 a.m.: The five of us head for the village. I protest that we should take more and receive a cuff to the back of the head.

10:24 a.m.: I offer a silent prayer that the Thundercats don’t show up.

11:19 a.m.: We arrive at the village, guns blazing. The warrior maidens are attractive but deadly. Their arrows rain down around us, forcing Monkian and I to abandon ship. Already I smell failure. That Peregrine guy seems to be doing well.

11:32 a.m.: I can hear it in the distance. The Thundertank. I’d run but probably get yelled at. So I’m forced to try and hit some women with my club.

11:34 a.m.: There they are. The Thundercats are loose. Peregrine takes an early plunge after a shot from the Sword of Omens, curse that device. There goes any hope of us winning. Monkian tries to put up a fight but Panthro beats him senseless.

11:35 a.m.: Tygra advances toward me.

11:36 a.m.: Tygra hits me once in the head with that dumb bola whip.

2:57 p.m.: I wake up in Castle Plundaar. Apparently Slythe threw me onto the back of his vehicle. Damn. Now I owe him one.

3:01 p.m.: Vultureman gives me a good ribbing for having lost to Tygra’s bola whip. He calls me a sissy.

3:02 p.m.: A fight breaks out as ten Jackals pile on Vultureman.

3:03 p.m.: We clear out as some Reptiles come to the rescue.

3:38 p.m.: Slythe yells at me for causing a disturbance and orders me and my men to clean up the rooms in which we fought.

4:03 p.m.: We give up and head down to one of the other’s room to play some cards.

4:22 p.m.: I emerge holding only this log book. I lost big time. I really hope I don’t run into anyone I know like this.

4:26 p.m.: Monkian sees me in the halls and begins laughing at me. I’d slug him except that would mean dropping my log book and that would just be downright embarrassing.

5:01 p.m.: Finally get back to my room and put on some clothes. It’s quite comforting to have them on.

5:03 p.m.: Decide to take a quick nap before supper. Hopefully I’ll be wakened in time. I might miss out on the special. Purple slop.

7:34 p.m.: Overslept! Damn. I quickly grab my stuff and begin running down to the kitchens. Hope I’m not too late.

7:57 p.m.: All the food’s gone. Oh well. I’m a hunter. I should easily be able to catch something outdoors.

8:49 p.m.: Thought I saw a mouse, but it got away. Just like the frog, the rabbit, the deer. Heck, I’m beginning to think that a turtle could get away from me. I guess I should turn in for the night. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

9:01 p.m.: Great! Just great! Now I’m lost out here. Where did Castle Plundaar go? These things don’t just get up and wander away, do they?

10:32 p.m.: Found it at last. Or rather it found me. A patrol of Monkeys and Reptiles finds me cowering behind a tree. On the other side of the tree, of course, is Castle Plundaar. How embarrassing!

11:46 p.m.: Finally make it to my room. Now, maybe, I’ll get a decent night’s sleep. I wouldn’t bet on it though. This IS Castle Plundaar.

There. That’s pretty much how my day goes. Wake up, fight, eat, go to a meeting, get my tail handed to me by a Thundercat, fight, sleep, eat, sleep.

Back to Fanfic Archive