Ressurection

Part 1

"Is he gonna be okay?" LD asked, sitting in the waiting room.

"Doctor Slightly is doing his best," Lady Thundera said, flipping a page in her magazine. "Truth is, we asked Zhie first, but she said she couldn't do it. Stinking HMOs."

The door opened and the Dreaded-But-Delicate Master of All Evil appeared there. Behind him tottered a stuffed teddy bear, the little creature radiating warmth, love and fond childhood memories. Rivero turned and punted the bear back into the office, then closed the door. He stalked through the waiting room and out into the hall. LT and LD glanced at each other, then took off after him.

"Um, how did it go, darling?" LT asked the evildoer. "Why did you kick the shrink?"

"Oh, that," Rivero said absently. "Doctor's orders. He said I should express my villiany at more opportunities."

"Soooo are you over Rain and Fianna yet?" LD asked. Lady Thundera reached behind Rivero's back and smacked the insane youth in the head.

Not noticing, RD said, "Not precisely. Rather, I've had a realization, an epiphany if you will."

They turned a corner, went through a door and found themselves at the rear of RD's workshop. His monumental invention, the Character Creator 2001, loomed over them.

"I have come to see that I never lost Rain. My dog's patterns are encoded into the CC2K1's memory banks. All I need is a hot cup of tea, and I can ressurect him precisely as he was before that wretched cur Fianna tricked us."

With that, RD reached below the counter and took out a small safe. He put this on the counter, manipulated the combination lock and opened it. From within he took a small gold box and set this on the counter as well.

"What is that thing?" LT asked.

"An infinite improbability generator," RD said as he slid the safe back under the bench. "I picked it up a few years ago at Douglas Adams' yard sale."

RD went to the sink and filled a cup with water, then popped it in the microwave. A moment later he took the steaming cup out and put in two bags of Twinnings brand Earl Grey tea into it. While the tea steeped, he plugged the gold box's power cord into the wall, then connected a cable from the Character Creator to the box. RD then picked up the tea cup, set it by the box and dropped a pair of stripped wires from the device into the tea.

Instantly, every molecule of Lady Thundera's underwear teleported simultaneously three feet to the left and hung there in midair.

"AUGH!" she screamed, then shot Rivero a dangerous look.

"Sorry," RD said. "I didn't know I'd left it on." He pressed a button on the box and the undergarments returned to their original location.

As RD went to program the Character Creator, LD moved closer to the infinite improbability generator, examining it intently.

"Don't touch that!" RD called over his shoulder.

"I'm just looking!" LD protested, and backed off sullenly from the box. He looked at Lady Thundera and opened his mouth to speak.

"One word about my panties and I will hurt you in ways you never imagined," the Mistress of All Evil in Denial growled. LD's mouth closed with a click of teeth.

RD finished his work, smiled and pressed the "Run" button on his system. Within moments the room filled with an electric hum and a smell of ozone. From the closed generation chamber came a greenish glow, making the team's shadows dance crazily on the walls.

Rivero went to the observation station and looked into the viewer mounted to the console. Suddenly he stood straight up, all traces of pleasure gone from his face. He bolted to the programming console and began to type feverishly.

"RD? What's wrong?" LT asked.

"This isn't my Rain program," RD said tersely, looking at the screen. "It's as though someone has mixed the files, taking parts of Rain and replacing them with, with..." the evildoer's jaw fell open.

"RUUUUUUNNN!!!" Rivero screamed and charged for the door. LT and LD did not hesitate, racing after their leader. They reached the door and struggled to pull it open, only to find it stuck solidly, held by some unseen force.

RD looked over his shoulder to the green light coming from the chamber, watched in horror as the light brightened, it's hue shifting, changing from green to silver as mirthless laughter filled the room.

********

Tatiana glanced at Thnderwolf, then quickly away. She studied her hand once more, than made her decision.

"Got any fives?" he asked her.

"Go fish," the insane lion said.

"You go fish," Shark told him with a sly grin. Thunderwolf smiled back and waggled his eyebrows.

"Do you two mind?" Tatiana squawked. "I just boiled my husband like an alka-seltzer, and here you two are acting like honeymooners! Show some respect for a grieving widow!"

"Is that why you already rented out his room to Slinky? To put it behind you?" Thunderwolf said with a chuckle.

Tatiana opened her mouth to complain when the lights went out. Without missing a beat, she redirected her ire. "Aw hell, must have blow a fuse."

"What about it? Aren't you the mistress of the dark?" Shark teased. Tatiana kicked his shin under the table.

"I'll get it," TW said and left the table. He went to the breaker box and flipped it open, his feline eyes adjusting to the gloom.

"They're not tripped?" he asked himself. Then the house rocked as a tremendous crash came from the dining room.

Thunderwolf took two fast steps towards the kitchen door when something huge hurtled through it at him. The saberlion reflexively raised his arms and felt a jarring impact against them as a blow aimed at his face struck there instead.

Thunderwolf reeled backwards as his half-seen assailant pressed in on him. He warded off an overhand right that disintegrated the cupboard beside his head, and left a valuable opening in his enemy‘s guard. The lion moved in and delivered a jackhammer series of blows to his opponent's abdomen, listening with satisfaction to the sound of ribs breaking beneath his powerful fists.

His opponent froze, stunned by the injuries, and in that moment the sabertooth gripped his foe's head, spun and slammed the attacker's face into the countertop. Teeth scattered across the formica as the defeated fighter slumped against the cabinets and slid heavily to the floor.

Thunderwolf backed away warily, rubbing his bruised knuckles. The lights were still out, but now that the battle had subsided, the form lying on the floor was very familiar indeed: a caninoid, nearly seven feet tall, it's german sheppard head unrecognizable from the beating it had sustained.

Thunderwolf knew he should be pleased at having finally clobbered the wretched nincompoop, but he couldn't shake the feeling something else was at play besided their rivalry. Something was wrong. He went to the dining room to check on Tatiana and Shark and his fears were confirmed; they were gone. Shark's harpoon lay bent on the floor beside the smashed card table. A massive hole indicated where the invader had come in through the exterior wall.

"Invaders," Thunderwolf corrected himself quietly. Fianna could not have been acting alone; even if he'd machine-gunned the other two on entry, the bodies would remain. Snarling he went back to the kitchen to beat some answers out of the cur.

When he arrived he noticed two things immediately - the door adjoining the garage was open, and the dog was gone. "God dam-" he began to exclaim, then he noticed the oven door hanging open, the smell of gas in the air.

"FUCK!" the saberlion roared and charged back into the dining room. As he raced down the hall towards the living room, he heard a heavy "woomph" as the gas in the kitchen ignited. He ran across the living room, the ever-increasing glow from behind warning him of the fireball racing towards his back.

Thunderwolf threw himself through Tatiana's bay window as the flames engulfed him. He hit the ground rolling, and kept rolling, extinguishing the fire that still licked at his scorched fur.

It was several moments before he pushed himself to a kneeling position and took stock of his situation. His skin felt tight, and everywhere not protected by clothing and armor had some degree of burn, none of it very serious. He looked to his right, saw Tati's home engulfed in bright fire, filling the air with thick smoke.

Thunderwolf's jaw set in a grim line. He was going to find his friends. And God help Fianna when he caught up to the dog.

Because nobody else was going to be able to save him this time.

********

The moon lent a wan light to the embers of the extinguished campfire, giving the forest clearing an eriee glow. Across the grass, bodies lay strewn where they had fallen.

Kamanchee Ska sat up lazily and looked about himself and smiled. He had sometimes wondered how he'd come to be a member of the Ferocious Females, given that he was neither ferocious nor female. Additionally, the team's stated mission, enbalming RD Rivero, seemed risky and short-sighted; short-sighted since the club would have no reason to exist after Rivero was finished, and risky since a failed attempt could result in their enbalming instead.

Rivero's claims that a proper enbalming began at the crotch had compelled the young Brit to consider that very carefully indeed.

The risks, however, were consummate with the prizes. He got to his feet and stood over Peachyra. The ersatz leader of the group looked lovely in the moonlight, despite the chocolate cake smeared on her face and in her hair. Behind him was Benni the Traitorous Tigress, face-down in the bakery box. Just beyond her, Spark lay twitching and giggling to herself in sucrose-induced dreams.

Kam smiled and smiled as he surveyed his private harem. Already they were thoroughly addicted to his chocolate cake. A few more "meetings" and they would belong to him, body and soul.

"Kamanchee's Angels," he chortled. "I like that better than 'Ferocious Females'. Let's see, I've got Drew," he faced Peachyra. "Cameron," he said, looking at Benni. "And Lucy," he finished, turning towards Spark.

Then the Brit's bladder reminded him of why he'd awakened in the first place, and the Englishman ventured into the forest to find a tree. He walked along for several minutes, stumbling occasionally in the dark, until he judged he was a safe distance. He turned to face a nearby dark mass, undid his zipper and began to whizz.

"Ahhhh," he sighed with relief. When his groan was done, he noticed a throaty growl from directly in front of him. Kam's eyes widened as he realized it was not a tree he was pissing on. He sprang backwards, hearing something woosh through the air his head had occupied an instant before, then dashed towards the camp.

As he neared the clearing he heard a commotion. Ducking into the brush, he remained still until he was certain he was undetected, then carefully parted the scrub to view what was happening.

It was hard to see detail, but he guessed the three large bags lying on the ground contained the Ferocious Females. A trio of hulking shadowy creatures waited nearby until a last one emerged from the woods near where Kam himself had gone in.

A series of harsh barks and whines came to his ears as the creatures conversed, then each of the others took a bag and moved off down the trail in the general direction of the ATB. The fourth creature lumbered to the middle of the clearing and reared to it's full height of more than seven feet. It raised it's canine muzzle and emitted a loud, haunting howl, one that ululated in such a manner it sounded almost like singing. Then the creature moved off after it's brethren.

Kam scowled angrily. These were caninoids, no doubt, and although he only knew Fianna by reputation, that reputation alone was enough to convince him the dog would stoop to any level to play a gag, even calling in reinforcements to steal Kam's harem.

"Just like an Irishman," he growled. Still, he knew he was no match for even one of the monsters, much less four. With typical British thoughtfulness, he decided to lodge a complaint.

"Kamanchee Ska to Thundera Tiger, come in," he said into his communicator.

TBC

********

Ressurection

Part 2

In his dream, the party raged. Everyone was there, drinking, dancing and having a good time. He was on-stage with Slade, his wife frolicking excitedly by his ankles as Noddy Holder turned the microphone over to him at the final chorus.

"Time to rock! Tiiiiime to roll! Oh I can't wait to celebrate as we go marching home!"

Gradually it penetrated his mind that the pounding of the drum was not in his mind, but from the door of the hut he shared with Sher Kahn. Fianna mumbled something incomprehensible and rolled over, trying to ignore it.

"Fianna! Open up, mutt! You've got some explaining to do!" came the yell from the door.

"Go away! I'm not home!" the dog barked back.

"Just answer the door and let them lynch you, will ya? How am I supposed to get any sleep with that racket going on?" Kahn grumbled.

Fianna rolled to the floor with a heavy thud and looked at the clock. "2 AM," he mumbled, and walked to the door. He yanked it open to find Thundera Tiger glaring at him. This was nothing unusual. But beside her....

"OHMIGOD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!"

Kahn sprang out of bed in alarm and turned to find his comrade holding aloft a human male. The newcomer was clad in an odd combination of black leather and Native American trifles, including feathers and war paint.

"Oh man, you were SO unappreciated in the eighties! 'Manners and Physique' was the best album ever! Sing 'Goody Goody Two Shoes'!"

"I AM NOT ADAM ANT!!!!" the new arrival shrieked.

"Oh," the caninoid said, ears drooping in disappointment. He unceremoniously dropped the look-alike onto the floor. "Never mind, then."

"Fianna," TT sighed. "This is Kamanchee, one of the Ferocious Females. Did you kidnap his teammates last night?"

"Funny, you don't look female," Fianna commented. "And you don't look very ferocious either," he added with a snort.

To TT he said, "I don't recall, but I was pretty gassed up last night. Kahn, did I kidnap anybody? And were any of my relatives over?"

"No, and no," the tiger called from his bed. "Now let me go back to sleep."

The newcomer gave Fianna a dirty look, then turned to Tiger and said, "I suppose I owe you an apology. Sorry to create a stir, but I must admit I'm disappointed. I'd hoped--"

The room exploded into chaos. The wall behind Kahn's bunk flew to fragments in a roar of shattered wood. Kam was knocked from his feet as Thundera Tiger was thrown through the door, crashing into Fianna and staggering the dog. Kahn leapt clear of the wreckage to find four massive figures crowded into the room, wrestling with his teammates. He gaped in amazement.

They were caninoids. Kamanchee was dodging wide swings from a massive shaggy blond monster, while Thundera Tiger traded swipes with a brown beheamoth with a German Sheppard's colors and head. Fianna was boxing a coal-black laborador retriever, while the fourth, the smallest, oriented on Kahn himself.

The creature was misshapen, it's head far too large for it's body, it's hide an almost nude pasty white. It came in low, not growling, not barking, examing the Siberian with an almost clinical manner, as though destroying Kahn was a given. The only question was how to go about it.

Temper flaring, Kahn snarled and leapt at the monster. Instantly the beast lunged forward, pulling the tiger into a powerful embrace. Kahn had a bare second to consider his fatal mistake when the caninoid's massive jaws slammed shut on his windpipe.

Thundera Tiger backed away from the German Sheppard, holding it at bay with swats from her two-inch claws. The creature pursued her across the floor, trying to lunge in and tackle her.

But TT was not an animal; she was an experienced writer and brilliant tactician, coupled with the raw power of rakshasa. At precisely the right moment the tigress sprang backwards, stiking the wall with all four paws, then vaulted airborn, twisting as she flew. When she came down, it was behind the caninoid, digging in all four sets of claws and laying the monster's back open to the bone.

The dog shrieked in agony and ran forward, striking the wall at full speed and crashing through into the open air. It's howl of pain could be heard as it plummeted to the ground below.

TT looked around. Fianna seemed to be holding his own with the Lab, Kam and the Golden Retriever were gone, and Kahn--

"KAHN!" she screamed and leapt towards the struggling pair.

Fianna heard TT's cry and risked a glance towards his roomate. Doing so earned him a blow to the gut, but told him his friend was in desparate trouble. Turning his attention back to the Lab, the green caninoid snarled and lunged, grabbing the dog's right arm.

The Lab responded by closing to grapple, but Fianna had anticipated this. He turned his hip into the Lab's pelvis and rolled the dog across, slamming it to the deck. The chocolate caninoid moved with the momentum, rolling away before springing back up to it's feet.

It turned to find Fianna completing a spinning lunge kick, one of the slowest moves in the nincompoop's aresenal, but also the most powerful. Fianna's heel connected with the Lab's sternum, breaking bone and sending the creature through the wall and out of the hut. Fianna hesitated a moment, listening for the sound of the Lab's impact on the forest floor, then rushed to help Kahn.

Thundera Tiger was already there, tearing at the final caninoid's back and legs. Despite the damage, the creature would not release it's hold. Fianna shoved in between the combatants and the remains of the the wall and began grasping for the dog's muzzle.

"Let him go, you bastard!" TT screamed.

"It's some kind of pit bull," Fianna growled, his hands digging into the attacker's snout, fingers wedging into it's mouth. "It's jaws are locked!"

The pit bull did not acknowledge either of them. Kahn's eyes were rolled up, his tounge blue and lolling from his mouth. It was impossible to tell if the feeble movements of the tiger's limbs were struggles or the effect of jostling.

"Do something!!" TT screamed.

Everything froze. Fianna looked calmly at his hands on the enemy dog's mouth parts. Tiger stared in wide-eyed horror as her teammate expired, helpless to stop it. The pit bull ground it's teeth in tighter.

Then with a crack like a gunshot the pit bull's upper jaw fractured and pulled away. Flesh rended, blood sprayed as the monster finally fell back, clutching it's ruined face, baying in utter agony. Fianna climbed off the bed, dropped the dog's upper jaw on the floor, grasped the writhing animal's head and broke it's neck with a single twist.

On the bed, TT was looking frantically for signs of life from Kahn, when the siberian suddenly heaved in a long breath spasmodically. TT rolled him onto his side as the tiger gagged, retched and choked.

Fianna went to the nightstand and picked up his communicator. He pressed the call button and Axelle appeared on the screen.

"We've got problems," Fianna said.

"Tell me about it," the assassin replied in her permanently-bemused voice. "Half the berbil village is on fire from a gas explosion at Tatiana's house, and all communication at the ATB has stopped dead."

Fianna was still a moment, thinking. Then he said, "Grab your med bag and head on over here. Kahn's been hurt. I'll fill you in when you arrive. And Ax?"

"Yeah?"

"Watch your back."

********

Thunderwolf's baleful red gaze tracked the four dogs as they stumped along the trail. Three were burdened with large sacks; the first carried no cargo, but maintained a careful watch on the path ahead. However, it did not look up.

Typical, the sabertooth thought as he readied his trap. He waited until the first three caninoids had passed beneath his branch, then dropped his lariat down around the neck of the fourth.

The golden retriever had no time to react as the garrot snapped instantly shut, hauling the dog into the canopy in a heartbeat. The bag began to slip from it's grasp, but not before Thunderwolf reached down and siezed it. He put the bag on the limb beside him, and watched with mild interest until the caninoid strangled under it's own weight.

He looked down at the trail. The others had not returned for their missing partner, either not noticing or not caring. The insane lion dropped from his limb to the ground below, bag over his shoulder, then moved into the underbrush to survey his prize.

He held the bag aloft, checking the weight of it, when a shiny object suddenly potruded through the burlap. There was a harsh ripping sound and the bag tore open, dumping a young human female onto the ground in a flurry of spanish and a clatter of silver jewelry. She popped to her feet immediately and backed carefully away from Thunderwolf, brandishing a black obsidian knife in front of her.

"Left holding the bag again," TW grumbled as he dropped the sack. "So what are you supposed to be, Tatiana's sister?"

"I am Spark!" the female exclaimed in heavily-accented english. "And if you try to hurt me I will poke you till your juices come out!"

Thunderwolf raised an eyebrow at this, then casually swatted the knife out of her hand and into the scrub. Spark looked aghast at the patch of vegetation that had swallowed her knife, then back at Thunderwolf. Her lower lip trembled and she sniffled as her eyes filled up with tears.

"Aw hell, don't start crying on me kid!" Thunderwolf groaned. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just touchy about people pointing knives at me, that's all."

"Well...okay," she said, calming. "It's a good thing you don't try something though, mister loco gato, cause I would have beat the fillings out of you!"

"Stuffings," TW said gently, unable to supress a smile. "Now tell me how you got caught by those dogs."

"Dogs? I know no dogs," Spark said. "I was with the Ferocious Females, eating cake. Then I guess I fell asleep. Next thing I see is the bag, and I cut it with my knife and there you are."

"Unconscious the whole time, huh? I've heard one of the newcomers is a Betty Crocker pimp. I better pass that on to RD when I find him."

"What is this about dogs? Isn't Fianna the only dog here, him and his missus?" Spark asked.

"Not anymore," Thunderwolf said, jerking his thumb skyward. Spark looked up and gasped when she saw the dead golden retriever hanging in the tree.

"Is that one of Fianna's people?" she asked weakly.

"I thought so, but now I'm not so sure," Thunderwolf replied. "Fianna has alot of influences, some D&D stuff in the armor, alot of Incredible Hulk for the strength and color. These things are just humanoid dogs. They're strong, but not as strong as Fianna or I am. And they're not very bright either."

He looked back at Spark. "Something's wrong here, and Fianna's involved somehow, but I don't think he's behind it."

"Then we should do what?" Spark asked. "I must rescue my Ferocious friends."

"My first priority is Shark," TW said. "These things are heading for the Anti-Tiger Base, so odds are that's where they took him and your gang."

Spark nodded, and together the two moved off down the road.

********

Ressurection

Part Three

The yellow cur trooped along the path towards home, it's captive draped over it's shoulder. With a single-mindedness born of either intense focus or an inability to do two things at once, it looked neither left nor right, but went straight to the massive steel door, which swung inward to admit it. The golden retriever passed within, paying no heed to the scrape of the door closing behind it.

"Excuse, is there a ladies' sleeproom here?"

The cur turned, and as it did, a sharp obsidian knife rammed into it's stomach. The creature reeled, yelping in suprise and pain. Leaping past Spark, Thunderwolf swung his mace in a powerful arc, putting the dog out of it's misery while decorating the wall with it's brains.

Spark ran to the prone figure the caninoid had dropped, kneeled beside him and slapped his face repeatedly to bring him around. "Kam, Kam, you are not permissioned to be dead! Wake up!"

Kamanchee groaned and put up a hand to ward off the blows. Thunderwolf walked up beside them and and grinned.

"I'll be damned," he said. "We've rescued Adam Ant."

"I am NOT Adam Ant!" Kam snapped as his prescense of mind returned. "Where am I, what happened?!"

"Well it's about time you guys showed up," they heard. The three looked around, then spotted an air duct grating near the ceiling with something moving behind it. Thunderwolf reached up and pulled the grate loose. Behind it was a snarf.

"Hi Thunderwolf!" Fluffy chirped. "Did you bring me any grapes?" She laughed at the insane lion's scowl, then said, "We better get you to safety, there are alot of those dogs around here."

With that, Fluffy produced a remote control device and pressed a button. Beside the duct, a section of wall separated at an invisible seam and slid inward, revealing a passage. Fluffy jumped from her duct into Thunderwolf's arms and pointed to the door.

"Welcome to the Anti-Cur Resistance!" Fluffy purred.

"Where is Fuzzball?" Thunderwolf asked.

"Headed up the trail to greet the Team Tiger contigent," Fluffy said. "We're all gonna meet back here when they arrive."

"Here" was a secret bunker constructed by the snarf technical genius. It was spare and functional, except for a Buddah-like shrine dedicated to Charlton Heston in one corner. The whole place smelled like a firing range.

Fluffy hopped down and scampered into the kitchen, returning with a spray-can of air freshener. In moments the sweet smell of candy fruit masked most of the odor of sulfur and saltpeter. The snarf hostess than retrieved a plate of cookies and and several tumblers of milk, offering the refreshments to the weary adventurers.

"Thanks," Thunderwolf said, taking a glass. "Now can you tell us what the hell is going on here?"

********

"Ah, you awaken. Excellent. For a time, I'd feared the test would have to proceed without you.""

RD Rivero opened his eyes sat up. He was bound and locked in a cage on the floor of his lab. Beside him slumped Lucifer Daimou. Lady Thundera was nowhere to be seen.

"Who's there?!" Rivero yelled. "Where is Lady Thundera?! Show yourself, you bastard!"

"Such language, hardly what I'd expect from the Master of All Evil. As to your first question, I expect you already know the answer to that. As to your beloved Mistress of All Evil in Denial, she is to serve a purpose here."

Lights came on overhead. The speaker remained unseen, but now there appeared a large black box, roughly shaped like a phone booth, with a red light attached to the top. The box had a single door facing the cage.

"A test, or perhaps demonstration of my new abilities, Father," the voice came. "This, like your Inifinite Improbability Generator, is a relic from Douglas Adams' continuity. Fashioned by an artist to demonstrate to his wife her own genuine place in the universe, it is reknowned as a method of execution the galaxy over. It seemed fitting that Lady Thundera should serve as it's first test in this continuity."

Lady Thundera appeared then, dragged between two pit bulls. The dogs were larger and stronger than she, but even so the self-proclaimed "Goddess of All that is Good"’s struggling and swearing nearly halted the curs more than once. Ultimately though, they reached the hatch and opened it, throwing the protesting female inside. They slammed the door shut and a moment later the red strobe began to flash.

"What are you doing to her?!" Rivero cried.

"The human psyche is a fascinating thing. All of you must believe, at some level, that the world revolves around yourselves. It is this misguided notion that makes your meaningless, insignificant lives tolerable."

"This remarkable device allows the human mind to comprehend, for the briefest of instants, the whole of creation, all the awesome panoramic splendor of the universe. It then focuses in on a miniscule patch to that creation, then to a neglible galaxy, a pitiful speck of a planet, and at last to a tiny red dot labeled 'you are here', thereby demonstrating to the subject their true position and status in the universe."

"This is, of course, a fatal blow to the ego. Observe."

The door to the device opened. Lady Thundera flopped out onto the floor, her hair stark white, eyes fixed and staring. As she lay, a puddle of drool began to form around her face.

"YOU MONSTER!!!" Rivero raged. "GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL, YOU FIEND!"

"Now now, Father," came the voice as it's speaker walked into view. It was a caninoid, tall and strong, clad in chainmail and purple breeches. It's green fur glistened in the light, it's mane flowed freely behind.

"...fianna...," Rivero said weakly.

But when the creature looked up at the cage, the eyes were not Fianna's gold, but tiny, hard avian things, eyes flush with bitterness and fury.

The Puritan's eyes.

"Is that any way to talk to your son?"

********

Team Tiger walked through the woods towards the Anti-Tiger Base. Thundera Tiger walked on the left side of the road, Axelle the right. Fianna took the center, ready to back up either of his teammates in the event of an attack.

"You're sure Kahn's gonna be alright?" TT called to Axelle.

"He won't be singing any duets with Christina Aguilara for a few weeks," the assasin grinned. "But he'll be fine."

They walked a little further when they saw the brush ahead rustle. Instantly the veteran fighters came to a halt. Thundera Tiger dropped into a crouch and Axelle pulled a stilletto dagger out of her jacket lining. Fianna reached behind his back, and when his hand came forward there was a massive battle axe in it. The weapon had a three-foot handle and a double-edged head eighteen inches across. The whole thing weighed a solid hundred pounds, yet the caninoid held it as easily as Axelle did her dagger.

The brush rattled again and was still. The warriors remained tensed, ready.

An immense form tore out fof the trees on the right and lunged at Axelle. The nimble assassin's cat-like reflexes saved her as she dove forward into a one-handed flip, reversing the movement to land facing her attacker.

It was a Saint Bernard caninoid, towering at ten feet tall and weigh almost half a ton. The monster let loose a bark that rattled the leaves from nearby trees and shook the ground beneath Team Tiger's feet.

"Shit, it's Cujo!" Fianna yelled. The huge dog oriented on the author and charged towards him. Fianna knew better then to try to withstand the rush; he ducked low and spun, throwing his leg in the creature's path. The monster tripped and pitched forward, landing on it's face.

Thundera Tiger pounced on the dog, digging her claws into it's thick fur, trying to get her fangs into it's neck. The monster roared as it clambered back to it's feet. Tiger tried to jump free but found herself snarled in the dog's matted coat. Fianna had his axe up, looking for a place to strike, but the Saint Bernard spun as it thrashed, trying to reach the tiger on it's back. Axelle had switched her dagger to her left hand and was fishing frantically in her pockets.

Then the monster snagged TT by the foreleg and dragged the tigress from it's back. TT cried out in sudden terror as the shaggy beast raised her fifteen feet into the air and prepared to drive her body into the ground.

Fianna swung his axe back for a desparate charge, then an ear-piercing, mind-shattering pain exploded between the caninoid's ears, making him cry out in agony and drop to his knees, hands clutching his head.

The Saint Bernard reacted identically, releasing Thundera Tiger in the process. The monster dog wailed in pain, falling onto it's back and rolling side to side in the dirt as the tigress sprang away to safety.

Axelle stalked carefully to the red dog, stilletto raised to strike. Suddenly the cur lashed out, it's tree-like arm connecting, sending the assassin flying. She landed hard on the road, stunned, a small silver object flying from her lips and into the brush. The crippling screech that had disabled both caninoids vanished as the trinket did.

Axe sat up to find the slavering beast rearing over her, it's massive paws raised high to deliver a crushing blow.

Suddenly the air was filled with the roar of gunfire. The Saint Bernard staggered backwards as dozens of bullets slammed into it's body, each eliciting a geyser of blood as it drove home. Then the barrage stopped, and the monster issued a final, mournful howl and toppled to the ground unmoving.

From the patch of brush ahead of them, a moving pile of weaponry emerged. It slid to the center of the road, dropping the occasional gat, ammo clip or hand grenade, before it stopped completely. Then it vibrated and munitions fell from it like water from a shaking dog, revealing a crazed-looking snarf. Fuzzball laughed uproariously and shook his head.

"So you losers are here to rescue us, huh?" he chirped.

"Ugh," Fianna moaned as he recovered his senses. "Even my teeth hurt. What the hell was that?"

"A dog whistle," Axelle said merrily, retrieving the trinket from the brush where it had fallen. She held it up so everyone could see it. "Good thing I brought it along since Fuzzy was a little slow on th dr--"

She was interrupted by a single gunshot, and left holding half of her dog whistle. Fuzzy holstered his Browning and snarled, "Slow my ass. Snarfs can hear those things, too. You about fried my brain with that piece of shit."

Axelle smiled and stuck her tounge out at Fuzzball, but the snarf paid her no mind. "Let's move, people!" Fuzzy barked. "We gotta get you back to the ATB before anything else shows up. I only have so many bullets you know!"

********

Dedicated to Kamanchee Ska, my own personal Arthur Dent...

Ressurection

Part 4

The door to the Anti-Cur Resistance base hissed open and Fuzzball tried to step through. Unfortunately, the mass of high-powered weaponry the snarf carried overbalanced him and he fell forward. A shot rang out, making everybody duck. Spark squeaked in alarm while Thunderwolf reached up and felt the new part his mane had suddenly sprouted.

"Aw hell," Fuzzy groused as he righted himself. "Place needed freshend up anyway. Smells like a candy fruit orchard in here."

The snarf moved on, and in next bounded Thundera Tiger. The tigress looked around for a few moments, still not totally convinced this wasn't some kind of elaborate trap set by RD Rivero. But when she saw the others, and more importantly, saw the milk and cookies, the ravenous feline was prepared to set aside all suspicions.

Next came Fianna. Instantly Thunderwolf was on his feet.

"Boys, boys, no fighting in here," Fluffy chastened as the two eyed each other warily. "If you wanna brawl, take it outside. Of course, if you do, you're both dead meat, so let's all try to get along, okay?"

Thunderwolf's eyes narrowed. "Nobody cans my boyfriend and lives," he growled.

"Fish sticks," Fianna said with a suicidal grin. "Besides TW, we're on the same team this time. I see a beautiful friendship in our future."

"I see a wheelchair in yours," Thunderwolf said evenly, but the caninoid ignored him and joined Thundera Tiger in raiding the buffet.

Last came Axelle, whom Thunderwolf greeted with a broad smile and warm hug. "Nice to see they let you off your leash this time."

"I get out once in a while," Axe replied. "'Assassin' is kind of a narrow job description."

"Okay people, listen up!" Fuzzy barked. The snarf directed his remote control at an empty wall, which slid open to reveal a large viewscreen. The dark panel suddenly came alight with green lines and multicolored splotches, which moved through the lines like rats in a maze.

"The dogs have been wrecking my cameras, but they don't seem to recognize the Anti-Tygra thermal imagers I've installed. As you can see, we got something on the order of sixty caninoids loose in the base right now."

"Down here is the prisoner bay, and you can see the concentration of activity where the captives have been dumped. We got two here that show up on the motion sensors, but not on the thermals. One I assume is Tatiana, since being undead would have that effect. The other I don't recognize."

*******

Tatiana leaned against the bars of her cell, her head resting against the metal, watching the dog troops run by. There was a shuffle beside her, and she turned to look at her roommate.

The Dodo looked up at her and smiled broadly, revealing a double-set of jagged yellow-brown teeth. One of the weasel's eyeballs popped out and rested on it's cheek.

"You're pretty," the weasel said admiringly.

"Hello?!" Tatiana sceamed at the scampering guards. "Could one of you please stop for a moment?! Just long enough to KILL ME?!!"

********

"Over here," Fuzzy said, directing their attention to another section of the screen. "Is Rivero's secret, heh, yeh, my ass, ahem, laboratory. You'll notice that there are several dogs patrolling and sign from four authors. This is where it gets real interesting."

"Why's that, Fuzzy?" Thundera Tiger asked.

"Because by our estimate, there should only be three authors," Fuzzball replied. "Lady Thundera and Lucifer Daimou were with RD in the lab at the time the dogs appeared. Going strictly by headcount, we have picked up another writer from somewhere. So, I took the time to run a pattern match on the newcomer and check him against known author profiles, just on the possibility JD had gotten back inside. The result was an eighty-percent positive on a certain big green nincompoop."

Everyone turned to look at Fianna. The caninoid looked up, cheeks bulging with cookies and a milk mustache on the end of his snout, and said, "Huh? Shorry, I washn't wishning."

********

Plans were made, then dismissed. Priorities were addressed, then haggled over. In the end it was decided to split the group up. Axelle, Fluffy, Kam and Spark were to head for the cell blocks and try to liberate the captive authors. Meanwhile Thunderwolf, Fuzzy, Thundera Tiger and Fianna would march on the laboratory and confront the menace directly. When Axe's team had succeeded, they were to high-tail it to the lab and provide backup.

With their plans laid, the units separated and marched to their fates.

********

Team Fluffy moved through the ducts for as long as possible. Finally they were forced out when the way became too narrow for the humans to squeeze by any longer. Fluffy took the lead, poking her head carefully out of the grate hole before hopping to the floor below. Axe slid out into a graceful handstand and flipped to her feet. Spark fell forward and rolled upright in one smooth movement, looking very proud of herself.

If they can do it, so can I, Kam thought. He tumbled out, but misjudged his angle, landing flat on his back and knocking the wind out of himself.

"You're going to have to do better than that if you want to be an assassin," Axelle said, shaking her head.

"I'm not an assassin, I'm..."

"Adam Ant?" Fluffy asked

"I AM NOT ADAM ANT!!!" Kamanchee screamed.

From the end of the hall came a series of harsh bays, then the sound of running feet.

"Way to go, Adam," Axe snapped.

"This way!" Fluffy shouted and bolted down a side passage, the other females close behind.

"But the prison block is this way!" Kam protested, pointing towards the end of the corridor, where the barking was growing rapidly louder.

"Stick around, Kam! I bet the dogs will take you right to it!" Fluffy yelled back.

"Oh, right, carry on then," he replied and ran after them.

The companions ran desparately, dodging and turning as they tried to slip the curs, but the barking only grew closer and closer. At last they came to a large chamber with a door at either end, and Axelle called a stop.

"This far," the assassin panted, turning to face the door they'd entered. She reached into her jacket and produced a pair of tanto fighting knives. "This far, no further."

Spark turned and ran back to Axelle. "But there are more of them and bigger and stronger!"

"But we are better," Axe snarled as the first caninoid appeared in the door.

********

Team Fuzzy moved boldly up the corridor, making no attempt at concealment. The secret lab was indicated by arrow-shaped red signs at each intersection proclaiming "Secret Lab".

"Funny," Thunderwolf growled. "Seems like we'd have been challenged by now."

Fianna nodded, then pricked up his ears. He looked at Tiger and saw alarm register on her face as well.

"I think we just got a diversion," Fianna said. "And by the sounds of it, they're in big trouble. Fuzzy..." he began to say, when he noticed the snarf was already gone.

"They'll be alright," Thunderwolf said. "C'mon, let's take advantage of it and get in there before they realize they left the way clear." With that, the unit continued on.

********

A pit bull snapped at her hand, but the hand was already gone. The small, brutal caninoid took a full three seconds to realize it's throat had been laid open, but then it politely collapsed and died.

Before it fell, two more succumbed to Axelle's deadly dance. The assassin spun out of the way of a lunging cur, ramming her right blade through it's temple as it charged by. The blade stuck in the monster's skull, forcing her to release it. She ducked below a savage swipe from a German Sheppard, then rose up and drove her left dagger into the creature's heart. Before the dog dropped, she was moving again.

The floor was slick with spilled blood, and while Axelle glided like a lethal wraith through the mass of dogs, using the confined quarters and her enemies' size against them, Spark lacked that level of training and experience. She killed two dogs with her obsidian dagger before a black lab drove in over her guard with a powerful right cross. Spark's head snapped backwards and she collapsed, her knife falling to the floor and shattering.

Kamanchee gamely waded in and began slugging, but having neither a weapon nor any particular skill, he was soon overcome, the dogs bearing him to the wall and beating him mercilessly.

Fluffy dropped four dogs with the 9mm pistol Fuzzball had insisted she take, but when her ammo ran out, she realized that a snarf's body was not particularly suited to physical combat. As a massive Golden Retriever snatched her into the air and opened it's jaws, she suffered a terrible realization; that in the food chain, she was about to become the weakest link.

Fluffy's scream of terror alerted Axe, who whipped her remaining dagger at the dog attacking her friend. The blade penetrated the vertebrae at the base of it's skull, killing it instantly. But this left Axelle weaponless and distracted, a deadly combination. A huge Sheppard wrapped it's arms around her from behind, pinning her own arms to her sides and hauling her into the air.

Axe drove her foot down along the front of the creature's thigh, connecting with the kneecap and shoving it to mid-shin. The dog bayed in agony and released her, but three more were on her in an instant. She killed one with a straight punch to the windpipe before the next caught her right arm and twisted it savagely. Axe cried out as she felt her forearm snap, then was driven to her knees by a cuff to the head.

She looked up to see a Sheppard she had taken an eye from earlier glaring down at her with it's remaining orb. The creature grabbed her throat, opened it's mouth wide and lunged at her face.

Then the air filled with an incredible roar and the head of the dog vanished in a gout of blood. Everywhere all around the team dogs fell where they stood, bleeding and dying amidst bays of pain and fear.

"MOTHERFUCKERS!!" Fuzzball bellowed as he sprayed leaden death in all directions. The dogs were defenseless before the onslaught and in seconds the curs retreated, scrambling over the dead and dying to reach the far door.

Fuzzy ceased fire as the last cur disappeared and immediately screamed, "FLUFFY! ARE YOU OKAY?! WHERE--". The snarf's panicked cries were interuppted as his beloved threw herself into his arms and began peppering him with kisses.

Axelle got to her feet carefully to avoid jarring her broken arm. She looked at the snarfs as Fuzzy tenderly caressed the back of Fluffy's head.

"Didn't I tell you I'd always be here for you?" he asked her. Fluffy beamed at him and nodded.

Axe checked on Spark, found her coming around. The Aztec would have a bruise the size of a softball to brag about when they got home, but was otherwise unharmed. Kam was lying in the corner groaning. Axe knelt beside him.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

Kam rolled over to face her and yelled, "The little sod shot me in the foot!"

Axe looked at Fuzzy and raised an eyebrow. "Whoops," the snarf said with a shrug.

She pulled the wounded Englishman up onto his good foot and passed him over to Spark, then collected her weapons.

"What now?" Spark asked.

Axe looked at the snarfs. Fluffy pulled away from Fuzzball, accepted a kiss and two more clips for her automatic, then turned to face her team as Fuzzball left.

"What now?" Fluffy said. "Now we finish our mission!"

TBC

********

Ressurection

Part 5

They were in sight of the lab door when they heard the gunfire. Fianna, Thunderwolf and Thundera Tiger paused to look back over their shoulders.

"I hope they're alright," Fianna said nervously.

"Fuzzy's there," Thunderwolf said grimly. "If they're not okay, then they're avenged."

"Whoever is in the lab has got to know we're coming by now," Thundera Tiger said. "Let's move before--"

There was a racket in the air, growing steadily louder. Then at the other end of the hall, a swarm of caninoids boiled into sight, some injured, some bleeding, all highly pissed.

"GO!" Fianna yelled. Tiger and Thunderwolf ran down the hall, reaching the door when TT suddenly realized Fianna was not with them.

"FIANNA, COME ON!" she screamed back over the barking of the dogs.

"I'LL HOLD THEM OFF!" came the answer. Anything else the caninoid might have said was lost as the baying curs came abreast of him and Fianna waded into their midst, axe swinging.

"Dammit, he's gonna martyr himself again!" TT complained to Thunderwolf. "Why can't he write a normal Mary Sue like everybody else?"

Thunderwolf shrugged, then pushed the door open and stepped carefully into the lab, mace in hand, Tiger in tow.

"I don't like the looks of this," Thunderwolf said, surveying the lab. The mass of the Character Creator 2001 loomed at the rear, while in the near distance was a large black box the size of a phone booth. Lady Thundera, her hair a Phyllis Diller shock of white, was leaning rigidly against the side of the box, staring into space.

"Where's Zaphod Beeblebrox when you need him?" Thundera Tiger quipped.

"Check this out," Thunderwolf said, directing TT's atention to Lucifer Daimou. The hormonal teen was laying face-down on the floor, his eyes crossed, focused on a nine-inch black line proceeding straight out from the end of his nose.

"Damn," Thundera Tiger said. "I've seen that done to chickens before, but never to a human."

"TT, get out of here!"

"RD! Are you okay, where's this other author?"" Tiger yelled, running to the nearby cage.

"I'm right here, Thundera Tiger."

The sound of the voice froze the blood in TT's veins. It was familiar, too familiar, like two voices overlying each other, both of which she knew. She turned around and beheld Fianna.

"I should have known you were behind this somehow," Thunderwolf growled. "That's why you ditched us outside, so you could slip in here by a secret door!"

"That...that's not Fianna," TT said nervously.

"What?!" Thunderwolf snapped.

"The eyes, TW, check the eyes," TT said. She was backing away; she didn't want to, but she couldn't help herself.

Now Thunderwolf noticed the difference. "Okay, you're not Fianna. So who the hell are you?"

"I am truth," the creature said. "I am righteousness. I am the soul of justice and decency."

"I am the Puritan."

"But how?!" TT demanded. "Nobody would bring you back, you're too dangerous!"

"Come father," the Puritan said. "Explain to your friends how I came upon my marvelous ressurection." The two fighters turned to face the shackled evildoer. RD looked at them forlornley.

"When Fianna left for Team Tiger I determined to create a new dog. I ran many experiments with my Character Creator, resulting in the prototypes for all of these curs overrunning the base. But in every case the resulting dog was physically weaker than the nincompoop.

"It was then that I realized Fianna's strength is not related to his physical mass, but is rather a part of his essential makeup, his chemistry. I went to the ATB medical center, took a sample of his blood, and saved all of his DNA information into the Creator. Then I was able to copy-paste what I needed to Rain's file."

"But there was one thing I hadn't counted on," Rivero said testily. "Fianna is a nincompoop at a genetic level. As soon as I took my eyes off his data, it recomposed itself into a free-form computer virus and escaped from it's folder into the root directory. There, I believe, it found it's way into the Puritan's file."

"It was then that I realized my time was at hand," the Puritan said. "The virus had the dog's attributes and elements of his personality, but no mind, no direction. I wrote my own intellect in the place of that missing data, then invaded Father's Rain file, erasing the cur and renaming myself with that title."

Rivero's face was a wide-eyed portrait of innocence. "And when I tried to recreate Rain from the file backup I got the Puritan," he said.

"Dammit RD, how many times have we warned you about tampering with nature?" Thundera Tiger scolded.

"Everything I do is about tampering with nature," Rivero snorted.

"Thus is the manner of my return," the Puritan said. "Behold, I am created in a new image. With the passage of my original form, I am no longer bound by law. Now I wield the limitless creative power of chaos, wield it to punish those who violate the sanctity of the Thundercat realm. With this device I have summoned," he said, indicating the box, "I shall render judgment upon all the authors of TCATGR in the most fitting manner of all, by destroying their inflated egos. And best of all, none of you have the power to stop me!"

"How do you figure that?" Thunderwolf snarled, lifting his mace.

"Because this is Fianna's riff," the Puritan replied. "And I am Fianna."

Suddenly Thundera Tiger found herself inside the cage with RD, shackled and bound as he was. Thunderwolf looked over his shoulder, his face registering alarm before his mask of ferocity clamped down again.

The Puritan came towards them, grinning broadly. "You see?" it said. "My will is law here, my every whim is carried out in an instant. I do not even require that ridiculous cur's palmtop to manipulate the environment, since I myself am part of it. I could destroy you all with a thought."

"So what's stopping you?" Thunderwolf challenged.

"Because it would not have made a good story," the Puritan replied matter-of-factly. He reached behind his back, producing a battle axe identical to Fianna's. "I have inherited some of my mother's attributes, among them a sense of pacing, drama and irony. For instance, this is the climactic battle where you shall struggle valiantly against me, only to suffer a tragic end when my blade splits your skull!"

The Puritan sprang at Thunderwolf, swinging it's battle axe in a high arc. The lion dodged right, swinging his mace into the caninoid's gut. The weapon rebounded off the chainmail with a clank, but lacked the momentum to do real damage. The Puritan lashed out with a backhand sweep, and Thunderwolf was a fraction of an instant too slow.

The lion stepped away, bringing his mace up before noticing the buring in his chest. He glanced down to find a shallow cut, eighteen inches long, creasing his skin.

The Puritan laughed.

********

Team Fluffy encountered no other curs as they completed their journey to the cell blocks. Soon excited greetings were being traded as the rescue party applied the Fuzzball's skeleton keys to the cell door locks. Within moments the Ferocious Females, Tatiana, Shark, the Dodo, Ayanna, and sundry others were liberated and milling around the hall in cramped confusion.

"This is wonderful!" Kamanchee exclaimed. "Who wants cake?"

Peachyra slapped the brit hard enough to leave him slumped against the wall. "Put THAT in your bunt pan and bake it, you Pilsbury pusher!"

"Listen up, people!" Axelle yelled over the din. "We still have a situation here! Thundera Tiger needs us!"

"HURRAH!"

"RD Rivero is counting on us!"

"HUZZAH!"

"Fianna is--" she was interrupted by a chorus of boo's and hisses.

"Oh hell, for Thundera Tiger!!!" Axe yelled, and the collected authors let loose a mighty battle cry and charged down the hall.

"WRONG WAY!!!" Axe screamed, then slapped herself in the forehead.

********

Thunderwolf came back at the Puritan, feinting left then spinning right, bringing his mace around backhand towards the green monster's head. But the Puritan had forseen the move and slid rapidly towards the lion as he began the swing. It caught the lion's wrist with it's left hand and pulled, using Thunderwolf's momentum to send the lion lurching forward onto his knees.

The Puritan brought it's axe down overhand towards the top of Thunderwolf's skull. Thunderwolf raised his mace in both hands to full extension, catching the blade of the axe on it's thundranium handle. Metal screamed as the weapons met, jarring Thunderwolf's shoulders.

The lion twisted on his knees and drove a leg backward, connecting with the Puritan's shin. The move caused no injury, but unbalanced the dog, making it fall to the right. Thunderwolf shoulder-rolled clear as the dog hit the deck with a clatter; they both got to their feet facing each other.

They were both breathing hard, but each inhalation Thunderwolf took stretched the wound on his chest, sending a lance of pain into him. Alone it was not serious enough to kill him, but it was distracting him, breaking his concentration.

The Puritan smiled and casually flipped it's axe. It was obviously enjoying itself.

********

Fluffy took the lead as the liberated authors raced down the corridor. From up ahead in the distance they could hear the sounds of conflict, yells and clangs of metal striking metal. They turned a last corner and could see Fuzzball by a door, a high-powered rifle in hand, aiming into the room beyond.

"Baby!" Fluffy chirped and stopped beside her snarf. Fuzzy's did not acknowledge her, his face a mask of intense concentration.

Axe knew instantly something was wrong. "What is it, Fuzzy?" she asked.

"That Fianna clone is going to kill Thunderwolf," the snarf replied through gritted teeth.

"WHAT?!" Shark yelled in dismay. "Do something Fuzzy! Shoot it!"

"I...can't," came the hissed reply. "I've been here for five minutes, aiming at that green fucker's head, but I can't...pull...the...trigger!"

Axe's face drained of color as she realized what was happening. To test it, she made up her mind to enter the room, and was instantly filled with a compulsive sense of wrongness, as though she was trying to do something against the laws of nature. No matter how hard she tried, she could not force her foot forward to enter the chamber.

She relayed this to the others. Shark tried anyway, and to his credit the ichthyoid made it to the doorway proper before he found that he, too, could go no further.

"I don't understand!" Ayanna cried. "Why can't we help him?!"

"Primacy," Axelle said grimly. "Whoever controls the story has decided we aren't to interfere. Since we are acting as characters, we have no more power to thwart the author's will than Lion-O or Tygra." She looked at Shark's face, saw the agony there and felt it mirrored in her heart.

"There's nothing we can do," she said. "If that thing decides to kill Thunderwolf, then he's as good as dead."

********

"Your friends have arrived, sabretooth," the Puritan said. "Look how the fishy one grieves. He already knows your fate is sealed."

"SEAL THIS!" Thunderwolf roared. He charged the dog, swinging his mace in a flurry of small, tightly controlled strikes. The Puritan went on the defensive, warding the blows with it's axe head and handle.

Thunderwolf pressed inward, crowding the dog, then stepped on the caninoid's foot, pinning it. The Puritan's backwards momentum carried it away with a startled yelp, spilling it onto it's back. The creature's axe went skidding across the floor.

Thunderwolf brough his mace down hard, roaring inarticulately as he struck at the downed dog. The Puritan covered itself with it's arms, trying to ward of the powerful strikes.

Thunderwolf heard his friends cheer as he delivered blow after blow, the points of his mace tearing the caninoid's armor and the flesh beneath it. He began to believe he could win this fight, could overcome this strange monster of Rivero's invention.

Then the Puritan lunged upwards and caught the descending mace in mid-flight. The dog raised it's right leg and planted a foot in Thunderwolf's midriff, kicked out and sent the saberlion flying. Thunderwolf hit the ground stunned, the air knocked out of him, head spinning. He struggled to his feet and realized he'd lost his mace.

The Puritan stood also. The creature was bruised, beaten and bloody. It snarled at Thunderwolf, took the warrior's weapon in both hands and snapped it's metal haft like a stick. It dropped the fragments, then extended it's hand behind it, and the fallen battle axe leapt from the ground and into it's master's hand.

"I don't know how you did that," the creature snarled. "But you'll never do it again!"

The Puritan charged at Thunderwolf. The lion raised his hands to catch the haft of the axe as it swung downward, but the swing did not come. Instead, the Puritan snapped it's hands downward, driving the pommel of the axe directly into the center of Thunderwolf's forehead.

The blow devastated the lion, turning his knees to water. The Puritan followed it up by driving the pommel into the lion's side, breaking ribs, then snapping it upward into Thunderwolf's chin.

The lion staggered back, somehow remaining on his feet. He knew he was in trouble, but everything kept graying out on him, his muscles refusing to respond. He saw the Puritan raise it's battle axe high, it's eyes alight with savage glee as it prepared to split Thunderwolf's skull.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" Shark wailed, and that snapped Thunderwolf back to this surroundings. He saw the Puritan's axe descending, caught a flicker of movement to his right and reached out his hand. He caught something hard, spun from in front of the falling axe and drove his weapon into the Puritan's gut with all of his might.

The Puritan's axe flew from it's hands. The creature looked down, wide-eyed, to see the blade of another axe, twin to it's own, buried in it's midriff. It looked up again at Thunderwolf, opened it's mouth to speak, but the only thing emerging was a wash of bright green blood.

"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" Thunderwolf roared. The lion tore his weapon loose from the Puritan's body, spun once more to build momentum, then swung the blade of the weapon through the caninoid's neck. The Puritan's head tumbled from it's shoulders in a gout of blood as it's body lurched stock straight, stumbled once backwards, then fell.

There was an audible crash, as though an immense pane of glass had been shattered. Shark lurched forward into the chamber, Fuzzball's rifle shot rang out, missing Rivero's head by inches.

Then everyone was rushing in, cheering and whooping in celebration. Thunderwolf found himself embraced by anyone who could squeeze in to reach him, even Fluffy clinging to his leg. Kam and Axe rushed to the cage and in moments had RD and Thundera Tiger free to join in the jubilation.

Thunderwolf seperated from a tearful embrace with his beloved Shark, then pulled himself free of the cheering crowd. He turned towards the door he and Tiger had entered, the door from which the axe had flown to his hand.

Fianna staggered into the room. The caninoid's armor was torn to shreds, and so was most of the dog beneath it. One of his ears was severely torn, one eye swollen shut. His sloppy grin was distorted by a split lip and several missing teeth.

The author wobbled, then pitched forward. Before he could fall though, Thunderwolf caught him and braced him up, draping the dog's arm across his shoulder to help him stand.

"Nice throw," Thunderwolf said.

"I was...aiming...for...his neck," Fianna wheezed, then passed out.

********

The party lasted a solid week. Fianna missed the first two days of it in bed tied to a Guinness IV drip. When he was strong enough to stand he got dressed and joined his friends.

He found Axe, her arm in a cast, passing out drinks at the bar. Thundera Tiger, RD Rivero and Tygra were involved in a deep philisophical discussion on the merits of killing panthers instead of tigers. Fuzzy and Fluffy were snuggled up together on the loveseat, her with a copy of "the New Yorker", him with "Soldier of Fortune."

Sher Kahn was across the room on the sofa, his head resting in the lap a a nubile blonde teen.

"Looks like he's gonna get that duet after all," Fianna snickered as Axe set a pint of stout on the bar for him.

"The hero's welcome," she smiled. "In case you're wondering, that's where Shark and Thunderwolf are too." She then spent several minutes filling the caninoid in on the final moments of the struggle.

She was interrupted as the lounge door crashed in. Spark tore by, squealing excitedly, and leapt across a table. Ayanna charged in behind her and the two began chasing each other around the table for one full minute, then they tore back outside.

"Just watching those two wears me out," Fianna snorted. "Incidentally, have the Ferocious Females addressed their bakery issue?"

"Oh, Kam is still in the club," Axe said. "He had to turn over his cake recipe. Now he can only make a pastry that is very similar to, but almost entirely unlike, cake. Certainly it's not addictive."

"What about RD's Character Creator?" the dog asked.

"Demolished, along with all of it's data backups," Axe said, refilling his stout. She poured a beer for herself, then toasted the dog. "No more curs either, thanks to you and Fuzzy. Between the two of you, you wiped them out."

Fianna raised his mug in salute, then nearly dropped it. "OMIGOD!" he barked. "LADY THUNDERA!"

********

In the medical ward of the ATB, Dr Zhie looked in on her patient. She checked the monitors and charts, then pulled out a tape recorder and began another entry.

"Evidence continues to indicate a trace of self-esteem remains in the patient somewhere. We are continuing with our most radical therapy possible, hoping to see some improvement."

Zhie clicked off her recorder then went to the bed. LT still stared blankly, now at the TV set mounted on the bedroom wall. Zhie checked her patient's blood pressure and temperature then took the remote control and went to the bedoroom door. She turned and clicked the set on, then ducked out the door and walked quickly away.

Back in the room, Lady Thundera smiled, drooled, and began to sing along with the figure on the screen.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..."

---

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