After introducing the Weasel, it was incumbent upon me to get rid of him somehow. This seemed quite fitting :)

Rodent Removal

Deep within his secret laboratory nestled comfortably close to Mumm-Ra's pyramid, RD Rivero lounged in a padded leather recliner, watching a closed-circuit TV monitor. A Tygra pelt was draped across his lap. Two stuffed Thundertwins stood in the corner, engaged in things they ought not to be, but otherwise collecting dust.

The Master of All Evil was pensive tonight, but worse for everyone, he was bored.

"Dawwwling, there you are!" Lady Thundera cooed as she entered the room behind him. Noticing his demeanor she asked, "Is something wrong, my angel of destruction?"

"Only this idleness wearing on me, my Mistress of All Evil in Denial," he replied. "Thundera Tiger is further delayed in Mundania, my dog has wandered off his leash, and worst of all, I am burdened with these spare Tygras I have left over from 'Thunderballs'."

LT looked to the screen and observed a large cage containing a striped Thunderian, rattling the bars and complaining loudly.

"But RD, my king of the nighttime world, why not collect your, um, prize from this creature and be done with it?" LT asked.

"As I said, my midnight queen, this is a 'Thunderballs' era clone. Recall that in those days I'd written Tygra's member microscopic, not yet having realized the value of tiger penis on the Chinese black market. There is nothing here to harvest."

RD's comlink buzzed, and the evildoer took it from his pocket and activated it. The face of an evil snarf technical wizard filled the miniscule screen.

"Fuzzy, have I complemented you today on the genius you displayed producing this little trinket?" RD said.

"Stop, please, you're going to give me the vapors," Fuzzball said sarcastically. "I just thought you'd like to know that the sensors are showing weasel sign at the berbil junior high. Looks like Fianna's prisoner figured out how to work the door latch on his locker."

"After nearly two weeks?" LT chuckled. "For the weasel that's a personal best."

But RD said nothing. The evildoer's gaze was distant as a wicked smile spread slowly across his face.

"Thank you Fuzzy," he said at last. "This tidbit of information was more welcome then you know."

"Yeh, whatever," the snarf said and signed off.

"You've got something in mind, don't you?" LT said as RD stood up and began to walk quickly from the room.

"Oh yes indeed, my would-be goodnik," Rivero replied. "Oh yes indeed. All it will require is a little planning. I only hope I have enough time to get everything in place."

"Wonderful! What shall I do to help?" LT exclaimed.

Rivero's head snapped around, as though only just now noticing her. "Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I'll have my new assistant lay the groundwork for us."

As the Master of All Evil left the room, Lady Thundera contemplated his back, her eyes mingling hurt and concern.

"New assistant?" she whispered.

********

Tygra gave up rattling his cage bars and sat down dejectedly. "I guess I should consider myself lucky," he mused. "If I weren't a cartoon character, I'd be drowning in my on excrement by now."

Then he heard a sound by the lab door. He looked that direction, and saw a female white tiger Thunderian crouching low and moving towards the cage. When she reached the cage she dropped to her knees and whispered between the bars.

"Tygra, I'm Bengalli..."

"My god man, what has Rivero done to you?!" Tygra exclaimed. "Has he hired a Swedish surgeon or something?"

"Not that Bengalli, Tygra, although he and I are related. My friends call me Benni to distinguish us."

"Now listen to me!" she hissed. "RD Rivero is planning to use you as bait for some kind of trap. His assistant is coming right now to 'prepare' you. We have to get you out of here right away!"

The tigress then produced a key and unlocked the door. As she opened it and he stepped outside, Tygra asked, "But how? My invisiblity is useless here. That new snarf RD picked up has been stringing this place with thermal sensors like Christmas lights!"

"You must disguise yourself with your illusion powers, then maintain that illusion until you are safely beyond The Anti-Tiger Base," Benni said.

"I don't know how much you know about me, but..."

Benni cut him off. "Here, drink this," she said, pressing a bottle into his hand. "It will give you the mental power to effect your escape."

"Uncle Fuzzy's Ginko Biloba Extract?" he said, then turned the bottle over and squinted at the fine print.

"What are you waiting for?!" Benni hissed.

"I always read the cautions," Tygra said. He scanned the list of animal and human reactions, then uncorked the bottle and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

"Now what?" he asked.

"I have learned that RD Rivero is going out today to lay his trap," she said. "Disguise yourself as him and no one will challenge you."

Tygra nodded and closed his eyes. A few moments later, the Thundercat had disappeared, replaced by a young human male, slightly balding, clad in a red velvet housecoat and pink Bunny-Ra slippers.

"Excellent. Now go! I will create a diversion here," Benni said.

"Thank you, sister!" Tygra exclaimed, and walked boldly, confidently and unchallenged from the Anti-Tiger Base.

*********

The weasel moved swiftly through the underbrush. Hunger gnawed at the creature's belly, distracting it even as it drove the rodent onward. It pulled it's pocket protector loose and gnawed on the vinyl to ease the pain as it continued to seek it's quarry.

"GottagetRivero, yeah-yeah-yeah," the creature blathered, it's words obscured by copious slobber and the occasional spasmodic thrashing of it's own tounge. "Gonna get him, yeah, eat him up, yeah-yeah-yeah..."

Then the weasel ceased to blather. It's head twitched violently as yet another of it's personalities took over. Rearing up to a full-standing position, discarding it's pocket protector, the creature clutched the sides of it's head and moaned.

"Why?!" it exclaimed. "Why can there never be peace, true peace, lasting peace? There are too many here who hate me, who have their noses shoved up other people's asses, to ever have the peace I seek! Why?!"

Suddenly the rodent's mental clutch slipped again. It sat down and began to apoloze profusely and at length to a cluster of dandelions.

"I'm sorry I got so carried away," the weasel said. "I don't know why I behave like this. It's the medication talking, honestly. I only wish everyone could be as forgiving and accepting of others as I am. Everyone but RD Rivero. That's why I have to kill him. I'm sorry, but that's just how it is. I'm a good person, it's everybody else in the world that sucks. I must reveal to everyone else what they are really like, so everyone can see how wonderful I am."

The rodent suddenly froze as a distant sound reached it's ears. Instantly it oriented on the signals and moved off towards the source. Within moments it crested a small ravine and peered over the edge. Inside it saw RD Rivero, looking around warily as he made his way down the path.

Hah!, the weasel thought. He knows I'm coming for him. Look at the fear in his eyes!

The weasel sprang from the top of the ravine, landing directly in front of it's hated enemy. Rivero came up short, a suprised look on his face that transformed in an instant into horrified realization.

"No, wait!" Rivero cried.

"GRhhajpthhhhb!!" the weasel bellowed as all of his personalities tried to use his mouth at once.

"But I'm not..." Rivero said, then the rest of the sentence was lost in a wet gurgle as the weasel threw itself at the evildoer and clamped it's powerful jaws around his throat.

The weasel wrapped it's arms around the evil author in a lover's embrace, holding RD's trembling body close as the writer's hot salty blood poured down the rodent's throat. Though mortally wounded, Rivero still struggled to break free of his attacker, pounding impotently on the weasel's back and shoulders until he became too weak to move.

At that moment the weasel overbore the author, forcing him onto his back. The rodent released it's hold on Rivero's throat and without an instant's hesitation tore the writer's belly open with it's claws. The weasel buried it's face in Rivero's gut, chewing and gnawing, digging deeper and deeper in RD's vital organs.

From within the body cavity, the weasel heard the last gasp escape Rivero's dying lungs. Strangely, it sounded as if he said, "Not again..."

The the weasel pulled itself free of the corpse, Rivero's liver held in it's muzzle. The rodent sprang up the length of RD's body, intent on looking into the evildoer's lifeless eyes as it swallowed down this choicest of prizes.

The weasel looked down, then froze in shock. "Mmmyga?" it mumbled around the organ clamped in it's jaws.

"My my my, just look at this mess," came a voice from behind it. The weasel got slowly to it's feet and turned around, Tygra's liver dangling from it's mouth.

There stood three figures. Lady Thundera, wrapped in her trademark purple cloak; a female white tiger Thunderian he did not recognize, flipping a bottle idly in her hand and smiling wickedly; and between them the hated RD Rivero, his expression triumphant. He'd eschewed his robe and slippers for a pair of black slacks, loafers and a bright yellow tee-shirt. On the shirt was writing in black block letters: "TCATGR RULES" read the first line, "TCA DROOLS" read the second.

The weasel's mouth fell open, letting the liver drop at his feet with a moist thud. "You tricked me!" he exclaimed.

There was a muted click, and Lady Thundera produced a stopwatch from beneath her cloak. "Two minutes, counting the time to read your shirt," she said. "A new record for it. The stuff must be taking effect."

"What stuff?!" the weasel shouted.

The tigress threw the bottle to the rodent. It examined the bottle for a moment, then said, "What kind of trick is this? I didn't drink this! What is it, poison?"

RD smiled condescendingly. "Oh no, it is exactly what the label says, ginko biloba extract. It's known for improving memory and cognitive ability."

"It is supposed to make you smarter," the tigress said.

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M STUPID?!!" the weasel screeched. With an incoherent yell, it lunged at the female, then suddenly stopped and swayed dizzily.

"Now I don't take the stuff, since there is no improving on perfection," Rivero said. "In Tygra's case, it enhanced his mental faculties to allow him to maintain an illusion with little effort. I expect he had quite alot of it in his bloodstream. Of course, Fuzzball just thinks it makes a nice iced tea."

"But RD," Lady Thundera cooed with exaggerated puzzlement. "What would happen if someone ingested the drug that didn't have enough mental muscle to handle it?"

The three looked at the weasel. The rodent was clutching the sides of it's head, it's eyes crossed, it's face a grimace of agony. It dropped to it's knees on the stony floor of the ravine and moaned piteously.

"Well, my dear LT, I expect the results would be something like hooking a nitrous oxide system to a go-cart. After a few seconds of improved performance, the engine would overheat...."

RD was interrupted by a pained whimper from the weasel. Smoke was rolling from the creature's ears, slipping through it's fingers and out into the atmosphere.

"This would be followed by severe engine damage as the components began to break down..."

The weasel's tounge flopped forward out of it's mouth. Then the creature's jaw spasmed shut, severing the organ, which fell to the ground and flopped grotesquely. Then the rodent's bowel, bladder and stomach let loose simultaneously. Of course, it's jaw was still clamped shut, so bloody puke rocketed from it's nostrils in twin jets of bile-gore.

"Wow," the white tigress remarked. "Bazooka barf."

"Finally," RD continued, "As the system was completely overwhelmed, the engine would-"

He was interrupted once more by a muffled pop. Both of the weasel's eyeballs sprang from their sockets and dangled at the end of thier optic nerves. The creature ceased all struggling, swayed slightly, then pitched forward into a viscous puddle of it's on filth.

"Oh, well, there you go," RD finished. "A classic example of system overload."

"I'm disappointed," LT said with a pout. "I thought for sure his head would explode."

"There has to be something there to explode first," Benni smirked. "You cannot blow up a skull that thick with a firecracker."

"Very true, my ingenious assistant," Rivero praised. "And a fine job you did in getting Tygra set for the role he was to play. Now run along and finish organizing the implements in the torture chamber."

"No problem, boss!" Benni said and turned away. RD turned to face Lady Thundera, then suddenly jumped, a look of suprise on his face. He looked back over his shoulder at the departing tiger, rubbing his right buttock thoughfully as look of grim fury settled over the face of Lady Thundera.

It seems that Little Miss Stripy-Pants and I need to have a talk...

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