The Meeting
"I now call the first meeting of the new
Team Tiger to order," Thundera Tiger said. "As our first, uh, hey,
where is everybody?"
In the room reserved for them at the
"Eveybody else is at the Anti-Tiger
Base," Kahn growled.
"What the hell are they doing over
there?!" TT yelled, outraged.
"Lady Thundera, it seems, is quite the
kosher chef," Fianna said. "Everybody is snacking on knishes and
kibbitzing."
"I can't believe this!" TT snarled.
"This is consorting with the enemy!"
Fianna shrugged. "This is what happens
when you're too cheap to order pizza," he said, his eyes slightly mocking.
"Besides, it reminds you who your true
friends are," Kahn said smugly.
"Balls," Fianna chuckled.
"Real dogs don't eat knish."
TT sighed. Somehow, she sensed this event was
going to go awry. Then she took stock of the two participants and knew it for
certain.
"In any event, we are going to press
on," she announced. "The others can catch up when they arrive. Now
who can tell me: what is the mission of Team Tiger?"
Suddenly the door burst open, smacking Fianna
behind it, and a weasel ran into the room. It was a large weasel, at least as
weasels go, a good four foot tall and seventy-odd pounds. It had disarrayed
blonde hair atop it's head, large horn-rim glasses, and a pocket protector
glued over it's heart.
"To destroy RD Rivero!" it
squeaked, it's vicious little incisors bared in murderous rage. "To expose
him for the phony, the liar, the coward he is! To reveal to the world what
miserable, sad, pathetic creatures he and his allies really are, so eveyone will
hate and revile them like they so richly deserve!"
"We will rise to annihilate! We will
march to the beat of Rivero's funeral dirge! Come, let us sing the battle
song!"
The weasle began to keen in an ear-shattering
discord. "Death to every foe and traitor, forward strike the marching
tune, and hurrACK!"
The weasel's melody came to an abrupt end
when a huge green hand closed around his throat and lifted him three feet into
the air to meet the baleful gaze of hard gold eyes.
"You can revile my club, pester my
friends and taunt my ex-employer," Fianna snarled. "You can even diss
my story by refusing to take offense to it. But no way will I listen to
"The Rising of the Moon" sang that badly. No way."
The caninoid walked out of the room, carrying
the weasel at arm's length. There was a clang of metal after a moment, then he
returned without the rodent.
"Was that who I think it was?"
Tiger said.
"Do you know any other weasles out for
RD's blood?" he asked, sitting down next to Kahn.
"What did you do with him?" the
Siberian asked.
"I stuffed him in a locker," Fianna
grinned. "I think it's a condition he's familiar with."
"Okay, so can we get on with this,
then?" Tiger said testily. Both authors snapped to attention. "Okay,
who can tell me what Team Tiger's mission is?"
Kahn canted his head and said, "All
weasels aside, isn't it to destroy RD and his forces?"
"To get incriminating footage of him and
LT!" Fianna barked.
"To turn him into a smurf or a snarf or
a color kid!" Kahn said excitedly.
"No, no and no," Tiger said sagely.
"All of those events are just side bonuses of successfully completeing our
primary goal: the protection of Tygra!"
Tiger looked expectantly at the room's other
door, the teacher entrance she had come through in the beginning.
Nothing happened. They waited, but nothing
continued to happen. Then Tiger grinned and said, "Excuse me a
moment." She went through the door and out of sight.
Fianna and Kahn looked at each other in
confusion, then back to the door. They could hear voices from the other room,
catching snatches of an animated conversation.
"...embarass me..."
"...what if he's out there..."
"...be a man, uh, tiger..."
Then Thundera Tiger returned. Behind her was
Tygra, his head turning wildly as though to see everything in all directions at
once, his eyes wide and wild. He walked stooped over, in a near-cower, with
short mincing steps. His right hand was permanently raised in an open-handed
manner, as though to ward off a blow.
The Thundercat's mane was a rat's nest, and
judging by the smell, he'd not bathed in a solid week. His clothes were torn
and as filthy as their owner.
Fianna was about to ask what was wrong with
Tygra when, in the near distance, there came a loud rattle of metal as a
certain weasel tried to bust loose of his prison. Tygra stood up stock straight
and emitted a long, echoing shriek, such as a rabbit makes when it's neck is
broken.
When the scream had passed, the thundercat
stood shivering, blubbering with abject terror as TT tried vainly to calm him.
Moved by Tygra's obvious distress, Kahn and Fianna rose from their seats and
moved to comfort him.
"It's okay baby, it's alright," TT
said soothingly. "Nobody here is going to hurt you, we're all fri-"
"He's after my dick, isn't he?!"
Tygra blurted suddenly. Fianna and Kahn sighed and sat back down.
"He is, isn't he?!" Tygra continued
to babble. "For months it's been gone, just gone! I had to squat over a
litter box to piss, just so I wouldn't hit the floor!"
"Then two days ago, I wake up and it's
huge! So goddam long, I gotta wrap it around my leg to keep from tripping on
it! If I start to get an erection, it diverts the blood from my brain and I
pass out!"
"Hmm," Kahn mused, then to Fianna
whispered, "I guess you really can get too much of a good thing."
"I heard that!" Tygra snapped. He
lunged at Kahn, grabbing the siberian by the thick fur of his
"beard".
"What about the calls, huh? The ones
from the ATB to China that we intercepted, with Rivero talking to some guy
named Won Hung Lo, huh?"
Kahn's eyes narrowed dangerously at this
breach of manners, and Fianna moved to stave off a fight. "Take it easy,
Tygra," the caninoid said, putting a protective arm around the
Thundercat's shoulders. "We won't let RD hurt you." Or at least
we'll try not to let him, he thought silently to himself.
Then he noticed Tygra's odd expression, his
mouth clamped shut, cheeks bulging, eyes swimming. The caninoid canted his head
then looked down to find Tygra's member, which had apparently slipped it's
knot, now flowing out of the tiger's pant leg, and directly beneath the 350-lb
caninoid's left foot.
"Oops, sorry!" Fianna said,
embarrased and moving away. TT walked between them, shot the green nincompoop
an snarl, then turned her attention to Tygra.
"C'mon sweety-stripes," TT said,
brushing up against Tygra's waist. "Let's go back home and give you a nice
bubble bath, okay?"
"NO WATER!" Tygra screamed.
"He could be in there...hiding below the bubbles..." the tiger's eyes
became distant and fearful.
As TT led him out the teacher's door, to
Fianna and Kahn she said, "Uh, meeting's over, I'll catch you guys again
tomorrow."
They called goodnight and left. Fianna walked
beside Kahn towards the school entrance.
"Aren't you going to let the weasel
out?" Kahn asked.
"RD may be my opponent this time, but
he's still my friend. I don't see any reason to give him unescessary
headaches."
Kahn snickered. "Poor Tygra, he's going
to lose it completely at this rate."
"You seem pleased about that,"
Fianna grinned, and something in his tone made Kahn suddenly wary.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the
siberian asked.
"Oh, nothing," Fianna said. "I
just suppose with Tygra out of commision, TT will be relying on you even more
to protect her from rouge snarfs and save her the best bits when you kill
RD."
Uncertain what Fianna meant by that, Kahn
decided to let it slide and change the subject. "I wonder what RD has up
his sleeve anyway."
"I'm not suprised," Fianna said.
"If I were you, it'd be my top concern, too."
"What are you talking about?" the
siberian growled testily.
"Well, if the rumors are true, RD is
looking to get rich selling tiger penis to the chinese," Fianna said,
grinning.
"Yeah, so what?" Kahn growled.
"Remember, old chap," Fianna
chortled. "We have TWO male tigers in TCATGR."
"Who else is there besides..."
Fianna walked on, chuckling lightly, as Kahn
watched him go with eyes the size of dinner plates.
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