Well, poor TT is so swamped, I decided to do a little intermediary action, just to make everyone crazier, heh heh heh, and perhaps give TT a few extra wrinkles.
Five tests got nothing on a Fianna riff, HAH!
Dedicated to Shark...I hope he wasn't serious...
Cat's Lair was bustling with activity as the
authors from Thundera Tiger's "Thunderballs" epic made ready to
depart, and the Thundercats made every effort to speed them along.
Tiger's new work, another Mel Brooks spoof,
was set partially in the Warrior Maidens' forest, and the entire group was
packing for an extended on-location slugfest between Team Tiger and the
Anti-Tiger Base.
Interestingly, the battle lines were being
redrawn as several members of each side were changing alliegance to better suit
their personal provclivities.
RD Rivero would not be changing anything. The
dreaded Master of All Evil walked briskly down the corridor, his vision
obscured by a large box containing CD ROMs from the "Evil Scheme of the
Month Club." He whistled merrily as he contemplated his latest plot.
Tiger penis soup sells for 250 dollars in
"Oof!" he grunted as he crashed
into a wall. Then he realized there wasn't supposed to be a wall there,
knocking several disks from the top of the pile to the floor.
"Fianna, please watch where you're
going," he said testily, setting the box down. He straightend up and was
instantly seized around the throat and lifted from the floor.
RD found himself staring into a set of dark
red eyes, glaring above a sabretoothed snarl. "You're not Fianna..."
the evildoer wheezed.
"Where is he," the newcomer
rumbled. He had a voice like an earthquake and breath like an explosion at a
brewery.
"H-H-Who?" RD gasped as his air
supply dwindled.
"Fianna," came the reply.
"Third door," RD wheezed, sticking
his thumb over his shoulder. "Right side."
"Thanks," the stranger growled,
then threw RD behind him and down the stairs.
Fianna stood in the middle of his room,
trying to figure out where to begin. As usual, the green caninoid and notorious
nincompoop had procrastinated, and now had to get all his things packed and
vacate Panthro's room by sundown.
Finally he decided, and slid a 400 pound keg
of Panthro's home brew beside the door. He was walking towards the closet when
the door slammed open behind, making him spin to confront this new foe.
"FIANNA!"
"THUNDERWOLF!"
"So you think you're gonna put me in a
headlock, huh?!" the famed insane lion roared. "No chance, punk! I'll
kick your ass across the table, drink you under the table and kick your ass
again down there!"
After this pronouncement, Thunderwolf tore
the door from it's hinges and broke it across his knee. With a bellow, he threw
one half across the room and smashed the dresser to fragments. He hurled the
other piece out the window, filling the air with a deafening crash of shattered
silica.
Fianna watched this display impassively.
Thunderwolf raised a powerful fist to destroy the keg, then realized what he
was about to do.
"Hey, is this yours?" he asked
mildly.
"Yes, it is," Fianna replied.
The lion grinned. "Not anymore," e
said, and drove his fist through the top of the keg. As beer sprayed forth,
Thunderwolf hoisted the keg into the air and began chugging it loudly.
When the container was empty, he lowered it,
crushed it to pieces between his hands and said, "Alright dogbreath. Your
turn."
Thunderwolf took a step towards the caninoid,
then stopped. He shook his head a moment, wavered, then pitched forward onto
his face, unconscious.
Thundera Tiger, Sher Kahn, Shark and Panthro
examined the last of Tiger's things that needed to be packed into the
Thundertank.
"...that didn't hurt..."
Kahn's ears pricked up. "Did you guys
hear something?" he asked.
The others stopped to listen. They detected a
faint thudding sound for a few seconds, then a hoarse voice said, "That
didn't hurt..."
Perplexed, they moved towards the stairway.
The thudding increased further in volume, and again came a cry of "That
didn't hurt!"
Then RD Rivero tumbled to the bottom of the
stairs, a mass of abraisions and bruises. He struck the concrete floor of the
lair with a painful thud.
"That hurt." he squawked, his
injured throat giving him a high-pitched reverb that sounded almost exactly
like Bobcat Goldthwaite.
The others dashed to his side. "RD! Are
you okay?! What happend?" Tiger said anxiously.
"ArrrrThunderwolf-ah-ah-ah," RD
croaked. "FiAAAAnna."
"OH NO!" Shark exclaimed. "I
told him Fianna was just teasing about the headlock! TW must be upstairs
beating the Irish out of that nincompoop right now!"
Just then, they heard the first crash from
upstairs, and set off as a unit up the steps, taking care not to step on RD as they
went.
"Didn't...any...of..you...geniuses hear
of elevators?" Tiger wheezed ten minutes later as they reached Fianna's
floor.
"Talk to your boyfriend," Panthro
growled. "He designed it, I just built it."
They reached the doorway of Fianna's room and
ran inside to find the nincompoop reclining on his bed, reading a paperback
called "Mondo" and chortling to himself.
"I oughta write a book," Fianna
said, dogearing his page and setting it down. "If this tripe can get
published, I know I could!"
"MY DOOR!" Panthro yelled. "MY
DRESSER!"
Kahn leaned over to Tiger's ear.
"Obligatory closet joke in three..."
"MY BOYFRIEND!" Shark yelled.
Already the ichthyoid had deduced that whatever the battle, Fianna had been the
winner. "Where is my boyfriend, dog-breath!"
"Two..."
"He was being unruly, so I put him in
the wardrobe until he simmers down," the caninoid said, standing.
"One."
"I am not even going there," Shark
growled. "Let him out of the 'wardrobe', before I give you a chomp you
won't soon forget."
"Damn, you're good," Tiger
whispered to Kahn.
Fianna walked to the closet door and opened
it. "Relax, he's fine. In fact, I saved his life; he downed a keg of
Panthro's homebrew, and it probably would have killed him if I hadn't been here
to shove some anti-alchohol pills down his throat."
"Anti-alchohol pills, Fianna," RD
creaked, rejoining the group. "Isn't that a little contrived?"
"I got them from Lady Thundera's
medicine cabinet, next to the bottle of Cat-Grow," the caninoid snickered.
"Now then..."
Fianna reached into the closet and pulled out
a long, free-standing clothes rack. Three struggling forms dangled from the
metal bar, bound, gagged and duct-taped to coathangers.
Fianna slid the first captive to the end of the
rack. A female felinoid clad in the garb of an egyptian queen, she struggled
mightily against her bonds while glaring balefully at the others with luminous
green eyes.
"If that's who I think it is,"
Tiger whispered to Kahn, "Maybe we should keep her tied up. Copyright
issues, ya know."
Next came a snarf, his prehensile tail taped
to a thirty pound weight to prevent it's use. He thrashed wildly against his
bonds, swearing so loudly through the gag that what could be understood made
even Panthro's ears turn red.
Fianna slid the snarf to the right, then
pushed over the next occupant, a young, attractive Thunderian female of the
Wildcat Clan. Her eyes above the gag never wavered from casting their warm gaze
over the invective-spitting snarf.
Finally the caninoid straightend up,
scratching his head. "He's not here," Fianna said.
In that instant, a set of muscular tan arms
struck out of the bowels of the closet, siezed the caninoid by the neck, and
yanked him inside so fast, the vacuum generated by his passage slammed the door
shut.
The racket from the closet was horrific.
There was crashing, roaring, furious barking, growls and swearing. The doors
shook as a picture of a fluffy white poodle came loose from the wall. The dog
was smiling when it fell, snarling by the time it hit the floor.
The tigers darted forward and grabbed the
rack, pulling the captive authors and artist to safety. As soon as they were
clear, the closet doors exploded open and two struggling forms charged out.
Fianna had finally gotten his long-awaited
headlock, wedging Thunderwolf's head firmly in his armpit. The lion had
responded by hauling the caninoid into the air and attempting to ram him into
the opposite wall. At the last possible moment, Fianna kicked his legs and
twisted the two, putting Thunderwolf's head into the wall instead.
There was a loud crunch as the stone gave way
and both combatants went through it and into the empty air on the opposite
side. The others dashed to the wall and looked out at the figures dropping
hundreds of feet to the moat below.
"AAAAAAaaaaaaa..." they heard,
followed by a distant splishing sound.
The remaining authors turned back to find
Panthro looking around his room in horror.
"Look on the bright side," Shark
said, clapping a flipper on the panther's back. "It could have been the
garage."
RD had already begun untying the captives.
"And we have a gaggle of new characters," he said, his voice
returning to normal.
"And we have a nice new source of
protien," TT purred as she and Sher Kahn began to circle the new snarf.
The new snarf smiled broadly. "Yeah, I
bet it's a real help. Now personally..."
He whipped a pair of Browning nine-milimeters
with laser sights from behinf his back, training a red dot on the forehead of
each predator.
"I like tiger meat," he said, and
opened fire. Bullets ricocheted and careened around the tigers as they roared
in suprise and raced out the door.
"All that firepower and you never hit
either of them," Shark commented as the snarf author allowed his weapons
to disappear. "You're getting rusty, Fuzzy."
"If I'd wanted them dead, they'd be
dead," the snarf returned without rancor. He began to walk towards the
Thunderian female when RD Rivero stepped up behind him and coughed.
"You want something?" Fuzzball
said, turning to face the evildoer.
Rivero smiled."You mentioned a taste for
tiger. I wanted to talk to you about a little business venture I have in
mind..."
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