Me taking the piss out of PWP (porn without plot) "Thundercats" fanfic. The basic idea is that someone is trying to write such a fic, but someone else is reading over their shoulder and nitpicking everything.
Making Out In Cats' Lair
One night, Wilykit and Wilykat decided to have an almighty fuck.
Hey! Hang on a moment!
What is it? I've only done one sentence and I'm already getting criticised.
I thought Wilykit and Wilykat were kids - ten or eleven at the most. What kind of sick, twisted person writes about eleven-year-olds having sex?
Actually, they're eighteen in this story.
Sorry about the interuption. Anyway, Wilykit and Wilykat were in bed together and they were kissing like there was no tomorrow. Wilykit was running her fingers through Wilykat's hair while he sucked on her breasts like there was no tomorrow.
Oh, and aren't Wilykit and Wilykat brother and sister or something?
So - they can't have sex, you moron, 'cos that would be incest.
Oi! Who's writing this story - me or you? . . . Oh, all right - they weren't having sex with each other, but they were having sex.
Actually, Wilykit was in Lion-O's bed and the Lord of the Thundercats was giving her the best fuck she'd ever had. They were totally naked and Lion-O was ramming his twelve-inch, fully erect dick into her cunt.
"Oh . . . yes!" he gasped as he thrust in and out, making her moan loudly. (By the way, they were in the missionary position, which meant Lion-O was on top). "Kit . . . you . . . are a . . . bloody good . . . fuck!"
"Oh! Oh! Lion-O . . . don't . . . stop!" Wilykit cried.
Then, Lion-O ejaculated, shooting a great load of semen into Wilykit's cunt.
And who was Wilykat having sex with?
I'm getting to that bit. Let's see now . . .
While all this was going on, Wilykat and Leah (one of the minor characters in the tv series) were making out elsewhere in the Lair. Leah had only recently lost her virginity (to Bengali after a drunken party), but Wilykat thought she was the hottest girl for miles around and he liked to fuck her.
"Leah . . . let's . . . do . . . it . . . doggy-style!" he gasped as he pulled his shorts down to reveal his huge ass erection. It was a little shorter than Lion-O's at ten inches, but it wasn't so short that he felt less virile. Leah knelt on her hands and knees, her legs spread apart, and Wilykat plunged his hard penis straight into her moist vagina.
Can't you write about ANYTHING except how big someone's dick is when it's erect?
If you don't like it, that's your problem. This is MY story and I want it to be about sex.
Now, where was I? Oh yes . . . Wilykat thrust in and out of Leah's cunt, doing it harder and harder until she began to moan in sexual ecstasy.
"Harder!" she yelled. "Fuck . . . me . . . harder!"
In response, Wilykat shoved his dick in as deep as her cunt allowed and reached round to squeeze her ripe juicy melons. They carried on for nearly an hour until Wilykat climaxed with a shuddering cry.
"Let's do it again," he said once he had recovered and felt he could be arroused again. So Wilykat and Leah fucked all night long, trying every position they could think of. And so did Lion-O and Wilykit.
You know what? This story sucks big time! There's no plot or anything.
Tough! I like it - so live with it or fuck off!
Incidentally, Lion-O and Wilykit and Wilykat and Leah weren't the only people having a good fuck that night. In yet another room, Pumyra was having a threesome with Panthro and Bengali, who were taking it in turns to shove their well hung dicks into her cunt while she gave the other an almighty blow job. To do this, they had to use the woman-on-top position and Pumyra was currently sitting astride Panthro's dick, sucking on Bengali's. Waves of sexual excitement coursed through her as she rocked back and forth on Panthro and sucked Bengali's dick like a fat juicy sausage.
Oh, get the fuck on with it!
Patience - I'm just trying to build up the tension.
That's boring! Let's skip to where Panthro shoots a load of fuck juice into her.
Look, I'm getting seriously pissed off by your stupid remarks! Kindly shut the hell up and let me get on with this!
Anyway, Panthro quickly reached his climax and gave a loud grunt as fuck juice (if you want to call it that, I suppose you can) spurted into Pumyra's cunt. Then, Bengali realised he couldn't hold out much long and took his dick out of Pumyra's mouth. Seconds later, he ejaculated all over the bed, covering the sheets in sticky white stuff.
And, in YET another room, Tygra was having scorching hot sex with Cheetara. They moaned and writhed on the table where the Thundercats held their meetings as Tygra drove his dick right down into Cheetara's cunt.
"Go . . . my . . . fast one!" he gasped. "You're the . . . best fuck . . . in the . . . Lair!"
"Yes! Yes! YES!" Cheetara yelled like Meg Ryan in that movie.
Hey! Why are they having all this sex anyway?
Because I want them to? Isn't that a good enough reason?
No! Here - move over and I'll show you how to write about sex.
Stop it! You're ruining my story!
All of a sudden, Galadria from some obscure cartoon called "Visionaries" (Author's note: I do actually like "Visionaries" and I've got a few fics for it in Miscellaneous Cartoons over on fanfiction.net - none rated higher than PG13) turned up in Cats' Lair. She was the best fuck on Prysmos - Cryotek certainly thought so - and quickly worked her charms on all the male Thundercats, who all got raging hard erections the second they saw her. Even Lynx-O, who couldn't see how sexy she looked was turned on by the sound of her seductive voice.
Oi, you little bastard, I don't want this to be a crossover!"
Tough! It needs livening up!
But it's not realistic to say Galadria gave all the male Thundercats "raging hard erections". And besides she's already making out with Cryotek.
So Galadria made out with each of the male Thundercats in turn. None of them had ever fucked a Prysmosian before and the novelty added to their lust as they did it with her in all sorts of positions.
"Harder! Harder!" she yelled as Bengali lay on top of her, thrusting into her with all his might.
"You want . . . a . . . hard fuck?" Bengali asked. "You . . . got a . . . hard fuck!"
Now just you hold it right there! For one thing, Galadria's Prysmosian and Bengali's Thunderian - so there'd be a bit of a language barrier.
How do you know they didn't speak each other's languages?
They just didn't, OK? And I'd like my story back now, thank you very much!
OK, ditch Galadria! In fact, ditch the "Visionaries" crossover altogether! Let's just stick to Thundercats fucking Thundercats, OK?
Anyway, let's just say that all the Thundercats had a fucking big orgy and that everyone (including Lynx-O) had sex with someone before the night was out. Then, just as the sun started to peer over the horizon, Snarf and Snarfer (who had slept through all the fucking) came in to find all the Thundercats lying naked in a heap.
That . . . . . . sucks! It sucks ass big time!
Hey! Who asked you? All you've done throughout this fic is criticise it and try to mess it up.
Erotic fanfic's harder to write than it looks. Remind me to stick to more conventional plots in future.
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