Note: If you’re under 18, a puritan, or a Power Rangers fan, do NOT read this. Other than that, ENJOY! Yes, I had to suffer through a bunch of crappy PR episodes in order to make this work, but it has all been worth it! >:-)

* * *

The Power is Mine!

Part 3:

Go, Go, Loony Rangers!

* * *

[Voiceover] "Last time, on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers . . ."

(Clips from the previous day’s episode role)

**Cut to Moon Palace**

Rita Repulsa looks thorough her telescope. "Ah, the Power Rangers are at the nudist beach! They’re perfectly vulnerable! Finster, make me a monster!" She cackles, her words not matching up with the movements of her mouth.

"At once my Queen!" Finster looks at his workbench and, to his horror, realizes two things: all of his good magic clay is used up and there isn’t a single monster left in his chief text! Frantically, he searches through Goldar’s private ‘treasure chest’. He finds some tattered coloring books and dried out Play-Doh under a messy pile of Goldar’s PlayGirl magazines and cheap sex toys.

"FINSTER! Do you have my monster ready yet? It better be good this time; the last ones have totally SUCKED!" Rita bellows.

Startled, Finster drops the coloring books and Play-Doh into the monster-making machine. The mechanism bumps and grinds and makes all sorts of gurgling noises. There is a sudden puff of smoke and a new, but rather stupid-looking creature appears.

Rita raises an eyebrow. "And just what the hell are YOU supposed to be?"

The monster introduces itself. "We are the evil Ying-Yang two headed Whiddaw-Quest monster, here to do your bidding!"

Rita heaves a loud sigh. "Well, you know the protocol." She then turns to face Goldar. "Goldar, bring this horrible excuse for a monster down to Earth and teach those brats a lesson!"

Goldar bows. "As you wish, my Queen!"

**Cut to Angel Grove Nude Beach**

The Power Rangers, all naked, are relaxing in the sun.

"Like, it was a great idea to come here. For once you, like, had a good idea, Justin, or some junk." Kimberly says in a valley girl accent, holding a tanning plate to her breasts.

Little Justin does not respond. He’s totally hypnotized by Kimberly’s boobs.

"I agree." Trini nods. "There’s no better way to get in touch with nature than by stripping naked and burying yourself in the warm sand."

Zack smiles, leaning back and enjoying the sun’s rays. "Nothing can spoil this day!"

On cue, Goldar, Whiddaw-Quest, and a bunch of worthless putties teleport in.

"This is most disturbing." Billy states, adjusting his glasses.

Kimberly slaps Zack on the back of the head. "Like, dammit, Zack, you jinxed the moment, or some junk!"

The nude Power Rangers are slowly arousing Goldar, especially the male ones. "Hello, Chowder Rangers." He then looks over to Jason. "Jason, my, you look FINE this day!"

Jason giggles girlishly and blushes, giving Goldar the proverbial feminine wave of the hand. "Oh, stop it Goldie. You are sooooo BAD!"

Trini rolls her eyes and smacks Jason in the face. "Oops, sorry Jase, must have been a muscle spasm." She smacks him once more. "Oh, shoot, there it goes again!"

Whiddaw-Quest is getting impatient. "Attack them, putties!" It commands.

The putties attack the Rangers, but are defeated easily by everyone except Justin, who ends up eating sand.

Whiddaw-Quest eggs the Power Rangers on. "Enough of this fooling around! Come on, Rangers, and we’ll fight it out teens to monster. Or are you scared?"

Justin huffs up. "Scared?! I’ll show you scared! STEGOSAURUS!"

Justin morphs into the Green Ranger and rushes at Whiddaw-Quest, only to be shut out by the creature’s lame ‘Flamer Breath’ attack. Everyone laughs at this.

Kimberly rolls her eyes. "Like, well, guys, it looks like we have to bail Justin out AGAIN, or some junk."

"Right, Kimberly!" Jason says. "It’s Morphin Time!"

Zack: "MASTODON!"

Kimberly: "PTERODACTYL!"

Billy: "TRICERATOPS!"

Trini: "SABERTOOTH TIGER!"

Jason: "TYRANNOSAURUS!"

The teens morph into their respective Rangers.

"All right guys." Jason commands. "You take the monster, and I’ll handle Goldar!" Jason then slips a ‘thumbs-up’ to Rita’s monstrous henchman.

Goldar responds with a toothy grin. "How about we go somewhere a little more private, Ranger?" With a swift motion, Goldar grabs Jason and teleports away in a ball of flame.

"What a disaster!" Billy exclaims in his whiny voice. "Goldar has abducted Jason!"

"‘Abducted’ isn’t the word for it, Billy." Trini corrects him.

The monster advances upon the Rangers. "You puny Rangers are toast!" It exclaims as it shoots its flamer breath.

The Rangers casually step out of the way. "Come on!" Zack says, exasperated. "Can’t you do any better?"

Whiddaw-Quest fires upon the team once more, but misses by a mile.

"Like, that was so totally pathetic, or some junk!" Kimberly rebukes.

Trini pulls out her Power Daggers. "Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not going to waste any more of my time standing around here." The Vietnamese girl then casually tosses her daggers at Whiddaw-Quest. There is a shower of sparks as the weapons strike their target and the monster goes down.

"Do you think it’s dead?" Zack asks.

Billy prudently walks to the downed monster and pokes at it with his Power Lance. "Judging from the reaction time of 0%, I would say that your assumption is correct, Zachary. Trini has vanquished the monster."

"Wow, like, we didn’t even have to use that much force to kill this bogus monster, or some junk." Kimberly remarks, scratching her helmeted head.

"Ohhh…did anyone get the license plate number of that Megazord?" Justin says wearily, starting to come around. "What did I miss?"

"We…*I*…just killed the monster, no thanks to you." Trini tells him.

"The monster? What about it again?" Justin spots the unmoving form of Whiddaw-Quest lying at Billy’s feet. "Oh my goodness gracious! Billy, look out!" Justin, thinking the monster is still active, pulls out his Hand Blasters and shoves Billy out of "harm’s way".

"Yaaahh! Die you evil heathen!" Justin screams as he shoots the dead monster point-blank in the groin, causing its body to rupture. The littlest Ranger is then blown 10 feet into the air by the explosion. He falls back to Earth with a sickening *THUD*, his body smoking like a burned piece of steak on a barbecue. Everyone gets another hearty laugh.

All of a sudden, Jason materializes out of a portal and staggers toward his team, breathing heavily. He removes his helmet, revealing a flushed-red exhausted face plastered with a smile of satisfaction.

"Jason! Like, you’re back, or some junk!" Kimberly squeals as she hugs him.

"Gee, Jase, your fight with Goldar must have been something else! You’re totally drenched in sweat!" Zack comments.

"Like, are you sure you’re okay, Jason? You are walking kind of funny, or some junk." Kimberly looks him over. "And, like, there’s a hole in the back of your uniform! Goldar must have really taken some cheap shots at you, or some junk."

Billy removes his helmet and taps his chin. "And notice the milky globule-like substance around the fissure in the fabric. It seems like…" The Blue Ranger is suddenly cut off when Jason’s hand wraps around his throat.

"I’m FINE, nerd boy!" Jason gives Billy a menacing look before releasing him.

Trini stands before the Red Ranger, arms crossed. "Mmhmm…and what might I ask is that gold thing in your hand?"

"What?" Jason looks down and suddenly realizes that he is clutching Goldar’s codpiece. "Oh, well…it’s nothing." The Red Ranger says with embarrassment as he tosses the golden groin armor plate into the calm seawaters.

Kimberly suddenly catches a strong scent lingering in the air. "Hey, like, what’s funny smell?"

Everyone begins to sniff his or her armpits before Zack realizes where the odor is coming from. The Black Ranger then points out Justin’s smoking form lying in the sand. "It’s flambé ala Justin. Man, did he get toasted!"

Jason walks up to Justin, removes the boy’s helmet, and begins to slap him in the face. "Yo, Justin, wake the hell up!"

Justin sits up screaming. "No Mommy! I swear I won’t poison your cats anymore! I’ll be good, I’ll be…" The boy suddenly blinks, looking up at Jason’s face. "Oh, Jason, it’s you!"

Jason gives him a stern look and hoists him up by his ear. "Come on, let’s get back to the Command Center."

**Cut to the Command Center**

There are six flashes of multicolored lights as the Rangers teleport in.

"Man, that fight was pathetic!" Zack complains as he rips off his ebony helmet.

"You’re right, Zack. Rita just isn’t trying anymore." Trini agrees.

"Well, *I* thought he was tough!" Little Justin exclaims.

"Like, you got knocked out in the first 15 seconds of the fight, Justin, or some junk." Kimberly says to the 12-year-old protégé.

"Yeah, well, he hit me with his ‘Flamer Breath’. I didn’t have time to react!" Justin defends himself.

"Justin, if I may contradict, that particular attack was traveling at an estimated speed of 2 inches per hour." Billy says as he straightens out his glasses.

"Like, yeah, Justin. How could you have NOT avoided it, or some junk?" Kimberly laughs.

Justin crosses his arms and turns away.

Jason sighs in boredom. "Man, this sucks! What kind of cheap-ass clay is Finster using to make these monsters anyway? PLAY-DOH perhaps?"

"I agree. Out of this new batch of weak monsters, that Whiddaw-Quest creature has been the lamest so far." Trini crosses her arms. "It’s hard to imagine monsters getting any more pitiful than that."

Zordon ponders over his Rangers’ problem. "I think I have a solution to your monotony." The giant head says. "Rangers, behold the viewing globe."

All six Rangers turn around to the giant glass sphere. At once, an image of a group of the most hideous monsters that they have ever seen appears.

"They call themselves the ‘Lunatacs’." Zordon explains. "They should provide quite a challenge for you."

* * *

[Voiceover] Will the Rangers survive? Find out today on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

Cast:

Austin St. John as Jason Lee Scott (Red Ranger)

Thuy Trang as Trini Kwan (Yellow Ranger)

Walter Jones as Zack Taylor (Black Ranger)

Amy Jo Johnson as Kimberly Ann Hart (Pink Ranger)

David Yost as Billy Cranston (Blue Ranger)

Blake Foster as Justin Stewart (Green Ranger)

Also featuring the Lunatacs as themselves (The ass kickers)

GO, GO, POWER RANGERS!

* * *

Skytomb, Third Earth

The Lunatacs were just coming back from a ferocious battle with the Thundercats, once again beaten and humiliated.

"Well, score another loss for the home team." Alluro intoned in as he fingered his Psyche Club.

"Dammit, TugMug!" Chilla screeched, throwing her arms up into the air. "If only you would have been more careful with that Schizophrenia Inducer, the day would have been ours!"

"Oh, so it’s MY fault that the damn thing blew up in my face?!" TugMug retaliated. "I risked life and limb to take over control of the weapon for RedEye, whom might I add was knocked out cold by that little Thunderkitten slut."

"Oh yeah?" RedEye yelled back as he fiddled to straighten out his goggles. "I would like to see YOU try to retain consciousness after being beaten over the head a few times with a huge-ass mallet, then doused with five whole fucking satchels of sleeping powder pellets!"

"Children, children, stop your whining." Luna commanded as she rode Amok into the room. "If it makes you babies feel any better, you ALL screwed up. It’s just that simple."

"Oh really? I didn’t see you and Amok doing anything to help us besides play a two-way cheerleading squad from the sidelines." Alluro said, eyeing the troll woman who sat atop the large white beast.

"And I suppose ‘mysteriously disappearing’ with Lion-Ho during the duration of the battle aided us plenty." Luna hissed.

"Well, what else do you expect from Alluro?" Chilla mocked. "When one of his boyfriends is around…"

"Shut up, ice whore!" Alluro cut her off. "Don’t make me break that bitchy little face of yours!"

Chilla’s eyes suddenly went wide with fury. "Fuck you, Alluro. I’m gonna freeze that pathetic manhood of yours and snap it off!"

Just as Chilla started toward Alluro, a blinding white light filled the entire chamber.

"What the HELL?!" All of the Lunatacs exclaimed in unison as the flash split into six different colors and took form.

"Man what a dump." An unfamiliar voice suddenly called out.

"Like, this place could use some major remodeling, or some junk." Another voice remarked.

All of the Lunatacs rubbed their eyes, recovering from the temporary blindness they all received from the sudden flash of light. As they looked to investigate the voices, they saw six individuals standing before them.

"And may I ask who the hell you all are?" Luna questioned.

A muscular man with short black hair and wearing all red stepped forward, standing proud with his chest puffed out and hands on his hips. "We are the Power Rangers." He said egotistically. "I am Jason Lee Scott, Red Ranger and leader of the Power Rangers."

"Like, my name is Kimberly Ann Hart, or some junk." A beautiful girl with shoulder-length brown hair proclaimed as she stepped next to Jason. "And I’m like, the Pink Ranger. You should see me in my costume, because I look totally cute, or some junk."

"Zack Taylor’s my name and Hip Hop’s my game!" An energetic dark-skinned man said as he danced a few steps forward. "And I’m the stylin’ Black Ranger, at your service!"

To the side of Zack stood a gorgeous oriental woman with long ebony hair. She clasped her hands together and bowed in her traditional greeting. "I am Trini Kwan, the most honorable Yellow Ranger."

After Trini came a very peculiar looking man wearing think glasses and blue overalls. "My handle is William Cranston, better known to the more intellectually challenged as ‘Billy’. My occupation is defending the planet from malicious entities as the Blue Ranger." He said.

The last of the group was a very small and scrawny boy with thick mop-shaped brown hair and a face exploding with freckles. "My name is Justin Stewart." He began, trying to emulate Jason, but failing miserably. "I’m the Green Ranger, and I’m the coolest!"

At this remark, Lunatac and Ranger alike began to roar with laughter.

Justin pouted and stomped his feet, tears forming in his eyes. "I AM cool! Daddy told me so!" He cried, only causing everyone to laugh even harder.

Luna choked back her chuckles. "All right, and what exactly are you ‘Power Rangers’ doing in Skytomb?"

"We’re here to go medieval on your buttocks!" Jason responded, crouching down in a fighting stance. "So you evildoers better beware!"

Chilla rolled her eyes. "Oh gods, you all can’t be serious!"

Zack merrily danced a few moves. "Dead serious, babe."

"All right guys, let’s do it. IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME!" Jason commanded.

"Morphin….what?!" All of the Lunatacs exchanged confused looks.

Zack: "MASTODON!"

Kimberly: "PTERODACTYL!"

Billy: "TRICERATOPS!"

Trini: "SABERTOOTH TIGER!"

Justin: "STEGOSAURUS!"

Jason: "TYRANNOSAURUS!"

At once, the team morphed and contorted their bodies into ridiculous karate poses.

"Black Ranger, ready to rock!" Zack exclaimed.

"Pink Ranger, like, aren’t I just cute, or some junk?" Kimberly giggled.

"Blue Ranger, online and adjusted for the fray!" Billy toned.

"Yellow Ranger, prepared to vanquish my most dishonorable opponents!" Trini said.

"Green Ranger, and I’m cool!" Justin chimed in.

"Red Ranger, fighting for truth, justice, and all that is good!" Jason boomed.

They all then converged and simultaneously yelled, "POWER RANGERS!"

There was a moment of silence, then Alluro blinked. "Are we supposed to be scared? Your outfits are gayer than Tygra’s."

"Ha! You’re just jealous." Zack said matter-of-factly.

Luna sighed as she cracked her riding crop. "Well, if it’s a fight you want, you’ll get it. Lunatacs…ATTACK AND DESTROY!"

And so the fight began. The two teams lined up against one another: Zack and TugMug, Kimberly and Chilla, Billy and RedEye, Trini and Alluro, Justin and Amok, and Jason and Luna.

__

"Ohhh, yeah! I’m gonna dance all over your ugly ass!" Zack laughed as he boogied around TugMug.

"We’ll see about that." TugMug sneered, firing his gravity carbine at Zack.

The Black Ranger flipped out of the beam’s way. "Ah ha! Ya missed!" He shouted, drawing his Power Axe and slicing TugMug’s weapon in two.

TugMug threw down his now useless carbine. "You fucking bastard! Do you have any idea how much that thing costs to repair?!"

"Not as much as it’ll cost to repair your fat face! TAHITIAN DANCE OF DEATH! " With that, Zack leaped at TugMug and peppered the Lunatac with a flurry of spinning hook kicks to the chest and belly.

TugMug bellowed in pain and anger as he mustered all of his strength and threw a punch into Zack’s abdomen, doubling the Black Ranger over.

__

Meanwhile, Chilla and Kimberly sized each other up.

"Look at you." Chilla sneered. "Nothing but a two-bit hussy wearing pink spandex."

"Like, watch the potty mouth, or some junk!" Kimberly exclaimed as she whipped out her Power Bow and shot a hot pink arrow at her opponent.

Moving quickly, the Lunatac female dodged the arrow and grabbed at the Pink Ranger, holding her off of the ground with a hand grasping her throat. "Ha! This is going to be too easy!"

Gagging and struggling, Kimberly dropped her bow, bringing her hands up and cupping her breasts. "Girls, I need you!" She announced. "BOOBY BOP!"

Not unlike a pair of airbags, Kimberly’s breasts magically inflated to ten times their normal size, pushing Chilla away from their mistress. Working like boxing gloves, Pink Ranger’s boobs then began to piston violently, slamming into Chilla’s face again and again.

Staggering away from the Pink Ranger’s vengeful bosom, the ice Lunatac took in a deep breath and countered with a wintry mist attack that hit Kimberly head-on.

__

In another corner of the room, the fight between Billy and RedEye was about to begin. The Blue Ranger unsheathed his Power Lance as RedEye readied his sidewinder.

"Foul malevolent creature!" Billy said as he twirled his lance. "Surrender, or I shall have to utilize the energy from the Morphing Grid and amalgam it with my knowledge of acrobatic techniques to strike you down. Furthermore, I….ARRGHH!" Sparks erupted from Billy’s spandex as the Blue Ranger was knocked down by RedEye’s discus.

"You talk too much." RedEye advanced upon Billy, catching his sidewinder as it whizzed through the air back to him.

Billy stood up, smoke streaming from his costume. The Blue Ranger then uttered a silly, incoherent war cry as he rushed at RedEye, the sharp tip of his lance aimed at the muscular Lunatac’s abdomen.

However, just as the lance was about to come in contact with its target, RedEye sidestepped and Billy ended up crashing into a wall with an audible *THUD*. The Blue Ranger then moaned in pain as he fell away from the wall and onto his back like a cardboard cutout.

__

At the same time, Alluro and the Yellow Ranger were testing their skills against one another.

"THE CRANE!" Trini screeched as she spun around and karate chopped the side of Alluro’s neck, causing him to gag and clutch his throat.

"Ack…" Alluro fumbled backward, trying to regain his breath.

"THE COBRA!" The Yellow Ranger then kicked out and planted the tip of her boot in between Alluro’s legs.

The Lunatac’s eyes crossed as he yelped. His hands flew from his neck and cradled his now throbbing crotch.

"THE LION!" Trini followed up by jabbing the hilt of one of her daggers into Alluro’s solar plexus.

As Alluro reeled in pain from the Yellow Ranger’s assaults, she reached out and grabbed a hold of his arm, throwing him to the ground.

Growling, Alluro swung his legs around and tripped up Trini as he got to his feet. "Enough with the menagerie attacks, bitch!" He yelled as he retrieved his Psyche Club and swung it like a baseball bat, smacking the shit out of the Yellow Ranger as she struggled to get up.

Trini screamed as she flew through the air and slammed into the computer console, bouncing off and crashing to the ground in a spray of white and yellow sparks.

__

Meanwhile, Jason and Justin were having their own troubles with Luna and Amok.

"Help me, Jason, HELP ME!" Little Justin cried.

Amok held the Green Ranger upside-down and was banging his head repeatedly against the floor.

"Amok THRASH! Amok THRASH!" The giant beast said dumbly as he continued to beat on Justin.

"HI-YAH!" Wailed the Red Ranger as he threw a multitude of side kicks into Amok’s back. However, his attacks weren’t even phasing the lumbering monster.

Luna turned around on Amok’s back and smacked Jason with her riding crop.

"Oww…" The Red Ranger whined. "That hurt."

The little troll woman hit him again. "You big baby. Amok, forget about that puny green twerp and attack THIS one!"

At his mistress’s command, Amok carelessly tossed the screaming Justin aside and reached for the Red Ranger. "Amok THRASH!"

Jason squealed in terror as the creature caught him in a bear hug and began to squeeze the life out of him. "Rangers, your leader needs your aid!" The Red Ranger cried out.

"We’re kinda busy here, Jason." Zack, Kimberly, Billy, and Trini all said in unison as they continued their scuffles with the other Lunatacs.

The Green Ranger got to his feet, pulling out his Power Hand Blasters. "Don’t worry, Jase, I’LL save you!"

"No, Justin, don’t shoot! You might…"

Jason’s warning failed to penetrate Justin’s thick skull as the little boy shot off a round of laser beams from his blasters. The green energy cut through the air, but because of Justin’s crappy aim, the beams completely missed Amok and slammed into Jason instead.

The Red Ranger screamed as he was torn from Amok’s grasp and blown sideways across the chamber, sparks flying from his costume.

The Green Ranger cringed as he lowered his smoking blasters. "Oops." He said sheepishly.

"Ha Ha Ha!" Amok laughed dumbly. "Little green brat shoot own teammate. Little green brat STUPID!"

Justin sneered and threw off his helmet, his eyes blazing with fury. "That’s IT! I’ve had enough! Now it’s time for me to use my ultimate secret weapon!"

Luna rolled her eyes. "Ohhh…we’re SO scared!"

"No, I’m serious! This cool hairdo of mine isn’t just for show you know!" At once, the ugly mop of brown hair atop Justin’s head began to whirl around like a spinning ratchet. "BUZZSAW HAIR MOP DERVISH!"

Lowering his head, the Green Ranger charged at Amok, crashing into him. Amok grunted as he was catapulted backward, throwing Luna off of his back and to the floor.

__

Groaning, Jason staggered to his feet. Looking around, he saw that his team was fighting a losing battle:

TugMug was bouncing up and down on top of Zack.

Chilla had Kimberly frozen cold.

RedEye was giving Billy a severe shock treatment.

Alluro held a hypnotized Trini under the power of his Psyche Club.

Amok and Luna had gotten up and were chasing Justin around the room.

"Nincompoops." Jason moaned. "I will not see our winning streak broken!"

At once, the Red Ranger produced his Power Sword and held it high above his head. Instantly, red beams of light shot out from the blade and struck each one of the Lunatacs, knocking them all over. This gave the rest of the Rangers time to recover and regroup.

"Man, these guys are even more relentless than that Sheldon monster we fought last month!" Zack exclaimed.

"Like, what do we do, Jason?" Kimberly asked, still shivering from her encounter with Chilla.

"Might I suggest using the Power Blaster, Jason?" Billy spoke out.

"I know! We’ll use the Power Blaster!" The Red Ranger grinned, reiterating the Blue Ranger’s suggestion. "Sometimes I even amaze myself with my sheer cleverness! Let’s bring ‘em together!"

"Oh brother…" Billy sighed, rolling his eyes.

Zack: POWER AXE!

Kimberly: POWER BOW!

Billy: POWER LANCE!

Trini: POWER DAGGERS!

Justin: POWER HAND BLASTERS!

Jason: POWER SWORD!

At once, the Rangers’ weapons converged into the Power Blaster.

"All right, it’s time to take these suckers out!" Justin squealed as he eagerly grabbed the Power Blaster and began to randomly fire it, blowing huge holes in the walls and ceiling.

Immediately, Jason knocked the weapon out of the boy’s grasp. "We’re supposed to shoot it together, you little idiot!"

Trini rolled her eyes as she tapped Jason on the shoulder. "Yeah, but shoot at WHAT?"

The Red Ranger lifted his head looked all around the destroyed chamber, his ego deflating as he realized the Lunatacs were no longer present.

"Aww man!" Zack exclaimed. "They’ve given us the slip!"

"They must have gotten away while we were putting together the Power Blaster." Jason then smacked Billy on the back of the head. "Some dumbass plan THAT turned out to be, geek!"

The Blue Ranger stammered. "But, Jason, I thought…"

"Never mind, it looks like I’ll have to go after ‘em myself."

All of the other Rangers looked at their leader in bewilderment.

"Like, why go by yourself?" Kimberly asked. "Wouldn’t it be, you know, like, SAFER if we all go together, or some junk?"

"Shut up! I’M the leader and I’m ALWAYS the hero!" Jason then scooped up the Power Blaster and stormed out of the chamber.

__

The Red Ranger stalked through the seemingly deserted halls of Skytomb, the Power Blaster armed and ready.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" He sneered, sweeping the weapon across the expanse of the corridor.

"If you insist, Ranger!" Luna’s screechy voice suddenly called out. "Get ready, because I’m about to send a little playmate your way!"

Jason screamed like a little girl as a nude Luna blowup doll jumped out of the shadows and landed on his shoulders.

"Well hello there, big boy!" A mechanical voice stated from within the doll. "It’s PLAYTIME!"

__

Back in the control center of Skytomb, the other Rangers paced back and forth worriedly.

"Like, I’m afraid something terrible has happened to Jason, or some junk!" Kimberly sobbed, her face drenched with artificial tears.

"You’re right, Kim, he’s been gone for over two minutes!" Zack gasped, looking down at his watch.

Justin grinned as a plan formulated in his little mind. "I’m gonna look for him! I’m gonna find him! I’m gonna save him! And all by MYSELF, I might add. I’m finally going to be the hero and none of you can stop me! HA HA HA HA!"

With those final words, the boy jumped up and raced out of the room.

There was a brief moment of silence as Zack, Kimberly, Billy and Trini all gave each other surprised looks.

"Five bucks says he’ll come crying back to us in forty seconds." Zack smiled, finally breaking the silence.

"Ha! You’re on, Zack." Trini giggled. "I’ll bet ten that it’ll only take thirty seconds."

__

As the other remaining Rangers made their bets, Justin excitedly sprinted down the corridor, calling out to his leader. "You may not like it Jase, but I’M the one who’s gonna save you, and…OWW!"

The Green Ranger cried out in alarm as he ran into something and fell backward. Cursing, he got to his feet and kicked the shadowy obstruction before him. "Stupid wall!"

At that moment, his dreams of becoming a hero were all but shattered as the "wall" reached out and grabbed him fiercely.

"Green Ranger call Amok stupid! Green Ranger kick Amok! Amok THRASH Green Ranger!"

__

As soon as Justin’s frantic screams echoed throughout Skytomb, Kimberly smirked and held out her hand.

"Like, I won the bet. You guys have to pay up, or some junk."

Zack and Trini grumbled in unison as they each stacked up a substantial amount of money into Kimberly’s palm. The Pink Ranger grinned as she daintily rolled the bills into a wad and tucked it into her spandex, right between her breasts.

"Man, how did she know that Justin was going to get killed? Now I don’t have enough money to buy that Hanson CD I always wanted!" Zack complained.

"Actually, I calculated the situation of Justin running off to fight the Lunatacs by himself. The chances of Justin retreating back to us were 12% lower than him being killed in action."

At hearing this, both Trini and Zack glared at Billy.

"And you didn’t happen to SHARE this information with little miss pretty-in-pink while our backs were turned, did you?!" The Yellow Ranger growled.

The Blue Ranger bit his lip and slowly backed away. "Now, you two must remember that we are all members of the same team. Petty bickering shall only accomplish discourse and therefore cause our company unharmonious dysfunction."

"Like, Billy’s right." Kimberly stated. "Shouldn’t we, you know, be trying to figure a way out of this mess, or some junk?"

Zack sighed. "As much as I’d hate to admit it, she’s right. If we don’t want to end up like Jason and Justin, then we should be concentrating our efforts on escaping."

Trini nodded in agreement. "All right. Let’s split up."

"Like, wait a minute!" The Pink Ranger protested. "Who put you in charge, or some junk?"

"*I* put me in charge!" The Yellow Ranger hissed, shaking her fist at her teammates. "And anyone who has a problem with it will be meeting with FIVE good reasons on why I should be the leader!"

Zack, Kimberly, and Billy gasped and shook their heads in compliance with the Yellow Ranger, for they knew all too well that Hell hath no fury like Trini scorned.

* * *

Minutes later…

"Stupid Trini, always having to get her way!" Zack complained as he nervously explored the lonely catacombs of Skytomb.

The Black Ranger rounded a corner, and much to his dismay, he was met with the muzzle of TugMug’s gravity carbine.

"It’s a good thing I always keep a spare." TugMug grinned as he set the carbine for extremely low gravity and pulled the trigger. "Have a nice flight, you dancing fool!"

Zack screamed as he suddenly felt himself airborne, being rocketed from the floor. He looked up and saw that the ceiling was coming at him faster and faster, and then there was blackness…

__

"YEEOOWW!" Kimberly exclaimed as she was almost knocked off her feet by a ball of fire. "Hey, like, that hurt, or some junk!" The Pink Ranger spun around and saw Chilla standing before her. "You again?! BOOBY BOP!"

"Not this time, airhead!" Chilla snarled as she hurled another fireball at Kimberly’s inflating chest.

There was a loud *POP* as the Pink Ranger’s breasts exploded in a shower of sparks and pink spandex.

"Binky! Betsy! NOOOO!" Were Kimberly’s last words as she sank into oblivion.

__

"Trini, so we meet again."

The Yellow Ranger dropped down into a fighting stance at hearing Alluro’s low, soothing voice. "When I’m done with you, evil one, you’ll wish that you’d never been born." She growled, looking forward to a rematch with the Lunatac. "Now come out where I can see you!"

"You’ll be ‘seeing’ A LOT of me very shortly, my dear." The voice cackled.

At that moment, Trini whirled around, meeting with the Psyche Club’s crystal, which was hovering in the air just inches away from her face.

"Oh, sh–…" Trini cried out in alarm as she was engulfed in a hypnotic ray of light.

__

"Blue Ranger." RedEye stepped out in front of Billy, startling him. "I challenge you to another bout."

Billy held up his hands and backed away, not wanting to suffer another beating by RedEye. "Mr. RedEye, before you proceed with inflicting more undesirable physical damage upon my delicate person, allow me to share with you my insight. First of all, why must we engage in such senseless violence? Understanding between the two of us would be much more gratifying in the long run. Why, if we were to combine our considerable talents in order to create and nurture instead of destroy and neglect, then this world, Third Earth, would become a more bountiful and benevolent shelter and resource to those entities thriving upon it. So, what do you say, Mr. RedEye? Care to partake in a pact of mutual agreement?"

"That was so sweet." RedEye smirked. "Too bad you don’t know me very well though, because I HATE things that are sweet! Sorry, egghead, no deal!"

Billy screamed as he turned to run away, but in a split second, RedEye’s deadly sidewinder was upon him.

* * *

In another dimension on another world, nine warriors were venturing into the very heart of their planet to battle a force of evil known only as Sephiroth. However, little did they realize that one wrong turn would lead them into a whole different adventure…

To Be Continued